


Mr. Brightside

by Nikolaus_Chaser



Series: Somebody Told Me [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alpha Benny Lafitte, Alpha Dean Winchester, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Complications, Emotional Roller Coaster, M/M, Omega Castiel, Past Infidelity, Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-25
Updated: 2018-05-14
Packaged: 2019-01-05 08:45:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 65,733
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12186741
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nikolaus_Chaser/pseuds/Nikolaus_Chaser
Summary: This was supposed to be the happiest moment of Castiel’s life.He and Dean had been trying to get pregnant for years.  They'd been hoping for pups since their wedding night, and now, it was finally happening. Castiel was pregnant.He wasn't happy at all. Not one bit.---In which Castiel makes a terrible mistake, and he and Dean must confront the consequences together.





	1. Chapter 1

This was supposed to be the happiest moment of Castiel’s life.

Relatively, he and Dean had been trying to get pregnant for years. They'd been hoping for pups since their wedding night, and now, it was finally happening. Castiel was pregnant.

He wasn't happy at all. Not one bit.

Dean cried, when Castiel told him. He'd smiled the brightest grin Cas could remember Dean smiling in years, all teeth and gums and laugh lines and bright green eyes that sparkled with happy tears. He'd gotten down on his knees in front of Cas’s belly, held him around the hips while he peppered his stomach in kisses and whispered how much he loved the pup already. Castiel had to bite his tongue before he could remind Dean that the fetus wouldn't have developed its ears just yet. Then Dean had stood up and kissed Castiel, kissed him on the lips, and that was when he finally started to cry as well. Dean was so exultant, it escaped his notice that Castiel was not crying for joy.

He sits at the end of a grimy breakfast counter now, pushing eggs around his plate unenthusiastically and gazing mindlessly at a picture on the wall. In the picture, a little girl in pigtails and a plaid skirt was blowing on a dandelion, white little puffs fluttering in the air around her. Castiel strokes long, gentle fingers over his firm stomach and wonders if his pup will be a little girl. He wonders if she'll wear pigtails when she grows up too, and make wishes on dandelion flowers. He hopes her wishes come true.

“Why the long face, darling?” Castiel startles at the familiar voice, nearly falling out of his stool as Benny sidles up behind him and then slips into the seat to his left. The Alpha sucks his teeth apologetically and then leans in, poking at Castiel’s eggs with interest. “Sorry I startled you. Just, you startled me, really. I wasn't expecting to see you around here again.” He snatches Castiel’s fork and begins shoveling the eggs into his mouth enthusiastically. Cas wasn't feeling very hungry, anyway.

“I didn't want to come down here,” Castiel says, trying his best not to sound so bitter. Benny chews his eggs, looking at Castiel face expectantly. The omega lets out a quiet sigh. “But I have to talk to you.”

“Yeah? ‘Bout what?” Benny raises his eyebrows worriedly. “You didn't tell Dean, now, did you? I thought you and I both agreed it was a mistake, and he’s better off not knowing about our little… happy accident.” The Alpha seems pleased with his word choice, and having made a Bob Ross reference. Castiel refrains from rolling his eyes and instead shakes his head, raking his blunt fingernails through his messy hair.

“As it turns out, our ‘happy accident’,” he uses air quotes, and Benny’s lips quirk up just a little, “resulted in another ‘happy accident’. Well,” he swallows around the lump in his throat and looks away, eyes cast towards the greasy floor. The black-and-white checkered pattern is making Castiel a little queasy, “as happy as an illegitimate child born from adultery can be, I presume.”

“Cas,” Benny squeaks, mouth falling open wide enough to catch a hundred flies. In this diner, it's probably likely too, so Cas reaches out and taps at the Alpha’s chin to close his jaw for him. Benny’s eyes flicker down to his belly, still flat and soft, not rounded out by his pregnancy just yet. He reaches out his hand as if he's going to touch Castiel’s stomach, then decides better and aborts the movement, a miserable expression etched into his normally smiling face. “Are you sure it's mine?”

“It has to be. Dean and I haven't-- it's been more than a month since he and I last knotted. It can't be anyone but you.” His voice cracks on the end of his sentence and he keeps his eyes cast down at his lap, shamefully. He isn't expecting it when Benny reaches out to touch his face, and brushes away the tears he hadn't realized were falling. And then he's being pulled into the Alpha’s strong arms, rocked like a child as he cries into his friend’s chest.

He's never felt anything more than a platonic friendship for Benny. Sure, the Alpha was attractive, but nobody he's ever met could compare in looks to his mate Dean Winchester. And besides, he loves his husband, even if he’s always working these days and staying at the shop to rack up the overtime. He’s only working so hard because he loves Castiel, and Dean shows his love by providing for his family. And Castiel always has his friends, so he isn't lonely. Friends like Jimmy, and Meg, and Balthazar… and Benny.

Jimmy had just been promoted, and they were celebrating. He’d invited everyone to his place for pizza and poker night, but he'd also bought a Keg and wasn't about to let anyone leave the party without at least two pints of beer in their system. Which meant that Cas got drunk. Dean was supposed to have come with him, but there was an emergency at the shop and he had to go in. Which left Castiel alone, feeling insecure and six pints deep into his misery to fall into the arms of another Alpha, one who was equally as trashed and unable to stop himself from drunkenly sleeping with his best friend’s Omega. They'd never have gotten together if they were sober. It was just because they were drunk that it happened.

Castiel knew it was a horrible excuse. “The alcohol made me do it” was the most cliche line in the history of adultery. Cas was pretty sure every cheater in the history of cheating probably said “the alcohol made me do it”. Which is why, when his brother found him and Benny collapsed in a half-naked, sweaty pile in his guest bedroom the next morning, he didn't say anything. Instead he burst into tears and made Jimmy swear not to tell Dean, and promised he'd never do it again. And he was intent on keeping that promise, too. He loved his husband. He never wanted to hurt Dean.

“You're going to tell him, aren't you?” Benny’s voice is quiet and level, but Castiel can tell by his scent that he's freaking out. They've both seen Dean when he gets angry, and it is not a pleasant sight. It's a rather frightening one, actually, and there's a pit in Castiel's stomach when he imagines his husband turning that anger on him. He lets out a pathetic whine and nods against Benny’s shoulder, fresh tears burning his eyes. The Alpha shushes him, combing his hair back from his face and cupping his chin in his broad palms. “Do you want me to be there?”

“No-oh,” Castiel croaks, and he knows he sounds pathetic; must look absolutely pathetic as well. He brushes at his cheeks with the back of his hand, wiping his tears away and sniffling like a child. “He's my husband, and this was my mistake. It's my cross to bear.”

“Hey now,” Benny scolds him gently, and this time when he reaches out to touch Castiel’s stomach he doesn't hesitate. The Omega flinches, but doesn't push his hand away. It wouldn't seem right to do that. “What we did was wrong. But this pup isn't to blame for none of that. You hear me?”

Castiel swallows, his tongue heavy in his mouth. “Are you going to… try to take him away from us?” His voice quivers a little bit, but he doesn't cower away from the question, or from the Alpha. If Benny really wanted to, he could demand rights to his pup by the old laws, and take custody of him as his rightful Alpha heir. He could take Castiel away from Dean, if he wanted to. Castiel could of course challenge if in court, and would most likely win, but the precedent was still in place. Benny scoffs at the suggestion.

“No. No, I wouldn't do that to you or to Dean.” He says very seriously, then frowns and whacks Castiel in the arm almost playfully. “You know I wouldn't do that to you, Castiel.” 

Cas chuckles halfheartedly and nods, letting Benny pull him into one last side hug before the Alpha stands up. He tosses a couple bills onto the table to cover Castiel’s food, then waits for the Omega as he stands and slides into his jacket. They walk out of the diner side-by-side, Benny whistling to himself and Castiel pondering silently. Benny clears his throat once they reach the parking lot.

“What are you going to say to him?”

“Oh,” Castiel sighs, and he sounds tired. Benny figures it must be hard work growing a child, or covering up an extramarital affair. It's probably exhausting to do both at the same time. “I'm not sure yet. He's been so happy-- but I can't go on letting him think it's his. It would break my heart. It would break his too, if he ever found out.”

“As long as, you know…,” Benny shrugs, reaches out to pat Castiel's shoulder, then scratches the back of his own neck. “As long as you're going to be alright. I don't want you to be sad.”

“That's probably ineffable at this point, Benny,” he chuckles, but his laugh his humorless. Benny gives him a sad smile and nods, then turns and walks back to his truck. He glances back at Cas, asks if he needs a ride. “No, thanks. I'm just going to walk. Clear my head a bit.” And he turns and sets off for Dean’s auto shop. It's only a few blocks from the diner, anyway. 

Dean is sitting in his office, sorting through some financial papers when Castiel walks in. He's long-since stopped crying, but his cheeks are tinted with that blotchy red hue people always get when they've had a good cry, and it doesn't take Dean more than a few seconds to realize something is wrong. He kicks his office door closed as he ushers Cas inside, pulling him into a hug and kissing his left cheek. “What's wrong?”

“I need to talk to you,” Castiel says, and he feels nauseous. He doesn't think it's because of the eggs, either. He eases himself into one of the hard plastic chairs that sits in front of Dean’s desk, his right hand sliding instinctively to rest on his stomach. He sees Dean bristle with pride at the reminder of his virility, and his chest hurts. He looks down at his lap guiltily, and Dean settles in to sit on top of his desk, right across from Castiel.

“Honey, what is it? The pup is okay?”

Castiel gives a quiet, wet snort and nods. “Yes, the pup is just fine. But I need to tell you something I should have said a… awhile ago.” He wrinkles his nose to try and stop the tears from coming. He doesn't even realize he's trembling until his elbow knocks into the arm of the chair, and then he pushes his hands between his thighs, holding them in place as he talks. “I had an affair. I-I was drunk and I was lonely and I made a terrible, horrible, disgusting mistake--” Cas is vaguely aware that he's crying now, but it doesn't stop him from continuing on. “I’m so sorry Dean, and if I could take it back I would. I would take it back, I'd do anything to undo what we did. And I know that doesn't change anything but I can't-- I can't live with myself and this… this lie anymore. I hate myself, Dean. I'm dirty and tainted and I hate myself so much,” he gasps, choking on sobs as he clutched himself around the middle. His eyes are burning and his nose is clogged, words getting stuck on sobs in his throat. He stops, finally, when he feels Dean’s gentle touch on his shoulders.

“Why are you telling me this, Cas?” His voice is eerily calm and quiet. Icy. It makes Castiel shiver.

“Because the pup--” he pauses, taking deep gulps of air. “The pup is his, Dean. I'm so sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry…”

“The pup is whose, Cas?”

Castiel looks up now, really looks at his husband’s face and looks at his eyes. He looks heartbroken. Absolutely, devastatingly heartbroken and scared and… and lonely. Castiel breaks down into sobs again, holding his face in his hands and turning away. “Benny. It’s Benny’s.”

Dean inhales a sharp breath, and then his hands leave Cas’s shoulders and he returns to his seat behind his desk. He pinches at the bridge of his nose, flattening his palms over his cheeks and resting his elbows on the table. “Jesus, Cas.” He mumbles. Castiel sobs again, head hung low, and the room is quiet except for the Omega’s crying. Finally, Dean stands, and his expression is indecipherable, eyes glazed over and lips pulled into a grim line. “Cas, stand up,” he urges, voice void of emotion just like his face.

“Dean--” he hiccups, but the Alpha shushes him, folding his arms and peering at Cas thoughtfully. Like he doesn't even know what to do with him. To him. After a few moments Dean seems to snap out of his trance, sighing and turning away from his husband.

“I'm going to call your brother to come get you. He’ll take you home and take care of you, okay?” His voice almost cracks, but he carries on. “I have work to do here. I'll see you at home.”

“But, Dean--”

“That's it, Cas. I can't… I can't look at you right now, okay? Just go outside and wait for Jimmy.” He turns around completely, heading back to his desk and shuffling through the paperwork there. He doesn't look up after that, and Castiel knows he's been dismissed. It stings like a wasp bouncing around inside his heart.

So that's it. Castiel whimpers, picks his coat up, and walks out the door.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: mentions of one character forcing another to have an abortion; mention of past miscarriage

“What the fuck, Castiel? I mean, seriously! What. The. Fuck.”

Castiel doesn’t look at his brother, like he hasn’t been able to look at him since Jimmy picked him up at the auto shop fifteen minutes ago. He wipes at his runny nose with the back of his hand. “You’ve already asked me the same question six times, Jimmy. There’s really no sense in beating a dead horse.”

Jimmy snorts. “Yeah, speaking of which you’re pretty damn lucky Dean didn’t take a beating out on your ass right in his office. Wouldn’t be surprised if he doesn’t spank you raw when he gets home tonight,” Jimmy pauses, frowning, and adds in a hushed tone, “if he comes home at all.”

Castiel whines loudly and covers his face with his palms. His eyes are burning with the threat of tears again. “Brother, please stop talking. Dean is not that kind of Alpha. We have an equal partnership, a… a mu-mutual tru-ust…” Castiel breaks down again, tears leaking hot down his cheeks. He rubs at his eyes furiously, wishing he could stop crying. He would have thought his tears would be exhausted by this point, and he has a pounding headache now.

Jimmy is not being helpful, either. When he came to pick Castiel up from the shop and saw the state he was in, trembling on the front stoop and barely able to speak through his hiccupping sobs, he’d immediately wanted to go inside and demand an explanation from Dean of what he could have possibly done to his brother to make him such a mess. But Cas wouldn’t let him go, and when he was finally able to explain to Jimmy what had actually happened, all of Jimmy’s anger was directed back at him. How could he be so stupid? So fucking selfish? How could he go and ruin the most amazing relationship either of them had ever had, by sleeping with somebody he didn’t even have feelings for? What the hell was wrong with him?

“I don’t care what kind of relationship you think you have with him, Cas. He’s an Alpha, you’re married to him, and by the Old Laws he legally owns you. And now you went and-- and pissed him off, and he can do whatever he wants to you! Don’t you remember how I thought Amelia and I were equal? And then she turned around sent me to that Omega hospital after…” His brother trails off with a shiver, gripping the steering wheel with white knuckles and shaking his head. He blows out a heavy sigh between his lips. “Jeez, Cas, you are fucked.”

“You’re really not helping my situation right now,” Castiel mutters, holding himself around the torso and trying not to dwell on the truth of Jimmy’s words. Dean would never hurt him. Dean would never send him away, not like Amelia had after Jimmy’s miscarriage. Never force him to get rid of the baby inside his belly. Dean was not that kind of guy. Dean was different. “Ugh, I think I’m going to be sick.”

Jimmy glances over at him from the driver’s seat, the hard, angry expression on his face finally softening sympathetically. He reaches over and grips his brother’s shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze. “Have you eaten today?”

“Some eggs this morning,” he answers, glancing at the clock. He’s shocked to see that it is already two o’clock in the afternoon. Today has just been so crazy, he hadn’t been keeping track of time. On cue his stomach grows loudly, and Jimmy chuckles.

“Alright baby bro, we’re getting you some lunch. You want noodles?” He flicks on his turn signal and takes a left, heading back towards the center of town where they can get lunch. Castiel side-eyes his brother.

“You are literally two minutes older than I am. You can’t call me your baby brother.”

“I can so. I have the right,” he purses his lips, “You’ll always be my baby brother, Cassie. Even when you make stupid decisions.” He pauses, letting the weight of his words sink in. “I mean, really stupid. I can’t even begin to tell you how upset I am with you right now. But you’re my family, and I’m going to support you. And the pup.” He stops the car in front of the House of Noodles, idling the engine and turning to fully face his brother. Castiel’s eyes are shining with tears again, and Jimmy reaches out to brush them away before pulling his brother into a tight embrace. “We’re gonna make it through this, man. You’re going to be alright.”

──────⊱◈◈◈⊰──────

Dean barely keeps his hands steady as he shuffles through the paperwork on his desk, fumbling for his pen. He knows he had it in his hand before Castiel showed up in his office, and he has so many tax forms to fill out right now he can’t afford to take a break and think about… No, Dean isn’t ready to go there, mentally, and process the conversation he just had with his husband. Not now. Tears blur his eyes and he shoves a stack of important papers out of his way, pounding his fist on the surface of his desk. God dammit, where the hell is his pen?

“Hey Dean, you got a minute for lunch? I got us some burgers from Biggerson’s.” Sam’s shaggy head pops through the doorway to Dean’s office just as he is shoveling his way through a stack of loose forms, paper scattering all over the floor and making a terrible mess. Dean’s head jerks up at the sound of Sam’s voice, and it takes him a full minute to remember that he had lunch plans with his brother. They were-- fuck, they were going to talk about design plans for the nursery, as a surprise for Cas. Dean stops in the middle of the room, shoving his fist to his mouth. He bites his knuckle and squeezes his eyes shut as tight as possible in hopes of stopping the well of tears suddenly threatening to spill over.

“Dude, you okay?” Sam steps all the way into his office, nose crinkling at Dean’s sharp, distressed scent. Since he was a pup Dean has always gotten this burnt-sugar smell about him when he’s upset, and right now his entire office stinks like someone set a bakery on fire. Sam’s eyes flicker away from Dean and down to his desk, to the floor, where papers and forms have been scattered and thrown about carelessly. “Did something… happen?”

“I couldn’t find my pen,” Dean answers shakily and bends down to pick up the papers closest to his feet. Sam sets their takeout down on the chair in front of Dean’s desk and joins his brother, helping him pick up the mess he made in his frantic search for a writing utensil.

“I think I have one you can borrow, in my briefcase.” Sam answers, but he knows the pen is not the real issue here. Something is… very wrong with his brother. He can sense it, and he can smell it too in Dean’s bristling scent. “Anything else bothering you? Besides the pen, I mean.”

Dean’s throat bobs, and he opens his mouth to speak but then quickly closes it again. He won’t meet Sam’s eyes, instead focusing on collecting all of the fallen papers from the floor and straightening them into neat stack. Then he stands, placing the forms on his desk and crossing his arms over his chest. “I think I shouldn’t say,” Dean says slowly, worrying his bottom lip between his teeth. “It’s personal.”

Sam’s eyebrows shoot up in surprise. Rarely is anything so personal that Dean can’t confide in him. “Wow. Is it… Can you tell me anything at all? If this is really serious I don’t want you to have to carry it all on your own.”

Dean almost laughs, but it comes out as more of an ironic snort than anything else. He shakes his head. “No, man. This is something… It’s between me and Cas. We need to figure it out on our own.” He can’t tell Sam about this, no matter how much he wants to. Sam and Castiel are best friends, and he can’t bring himself to ruin their relationship over this, no matter how angry he is. He knows that if he tells him, Sam will immediately take his side, will cut Castiel out of his life in a moment if Dean asks.

Then again, it would feel so good to get revenge on his husband for all the hurt… Castiel took his best friend away from him, when he slept with him. When he let Benny fuck him, knot him, fill him with his pups…

“Dude,” Sam is covering his nose with his hand, staring at his brother with wide, concerned eyes. Dean realizes that he is positively seething, and he draws in an unsteady breath, closing his eyes and counting to ten before he trusts himself to speak again.

“Sorry,” he sighs, scrubbing at his face and raking his fingers through his hair. “I’m just kind of stressed out right now.”

“Okay,” Sam’s eyebrows crease with concern. He picks up their takeout bag and begins to unpack its contents, sliding a styrofoam container towards Dean as he eases into his seat and takes his own lunch out of the bag. “Is Cas okay? I know he was complaining the other day about morning sickness, and I sent him some herbal tea recipes but...everything’s okay with the baby, right?”

It’s clear that Sam’s intentions are nothing but good and based wholly in genuine concern for his brother and his best friend (and curiosity of course, because Sam is a total nosy-body). But with every question his brother asks Dean can’t help but become more annoyed, and the burnt-sugar smell becomes stronger and more potent with every second that ticks by. At the mention of Castiel’s baby Dean’s expression darkens minutely, and he can barely stop himself from scowling and snapping at his brother to shut up already. Instead he settles for a frown, popping open the styrofoam box Sam handed him and poking unenthusiastically at a french fry.

“I said I didn’t want to talk about it, okay? I’m sorry I can’t tell you, Sammy. It’s just none of your business.”

The words come out harsher than Dean intended them to, and right after he says it Dean wants to apologize to his brother. But Sam has spent his whole life figuring out how Dean communicates and he takes it in stride, nodding at Dean’s words and picking up his burger. He takes a large bite, gesturing towards Dean’s yet-untouched lunch.

“Alright, well, if you’re not going to talk to me then at least don’t waste the lunch I bought you. Biggerson’s ain’t cheap, and not all of us can be prosperous business owners like you.”

This statement earns a chuckle from Dean, at least, who rolls his eyes and reaches for his food. “Shut up. Pretty sure it can’t get any cheaper than Biggerson’s, and you make more money in a year than I do, cheapskate.”

“Yeah, but I’ve got student loans to pay off. You’re a high school dropout without a cent of debt to your name.”

Dean tosses a french fry at Sam’s face, which he catches between his teeth with surprising dexterity. The brothers both dissolve into bouts of laughter, which causes Dean to nearly choke on his next bite of burger, and the they both lose control and are laughing so hard they nearly fall out of their chairs.

“Hey, I’ll see you and Cas at the Roadhosue this weekend, right? Eileen has to go back to Ireland next month so we’re celebrating my birthday a few weeks early.”

Dean chews his lip for a moment before he nods. “Yeah, Sammy. You can count on us to be there.”

When they’ve finished lunch and Sam is on his way out, the office doesn’t smell nearly as bad anymore, and Dean is relaxing behind his desk with a hand resting on his full stomach. And Sam is glad he could help his brother, even if he doesn’t know what’s wrong.

──────⊱◈◈◈⊰──────

Dean sets his keys down on the hotel nightstand, fingers brushing the spine of the Gidian’s Bible the motel keeps for its guests. He’s never been religious, but Castiel always insisted on going to church every Sunday, and Dean has formed the habit of tagging along (if he doesn’t wind up sleeping in). Dean snorts and picks the book up, flipping mindlessly through the pages.

A small scrap of paper slips out from between the pages and falls into his lap, and for a moment Dean is worried he tore the Bible before he realizes it’s actually a newspaper clipping. The heading text reads SENSUAL Secret Massage in fancy cursive writing, and in block letters below that there is a phone number. The ad promises ‘friendly and discreet’ service direct to your motel room, for an extra fee. Dean hums thoughtfully, pinching the paper between his fingers and bringing it closer to his face, so he can read it more clearly. Castiel’s been telling him he needs to get his eyesight checked, and now he can see that his husband is probably right.

Thoughts of his husband are accompanied by a surge of anger, and Dean grits his teeth, reaching for his cell phone. Without looking away from the newspaper clipping in his hand, which is now crumpling with the force of his hold on it, he unlocks his device and pulls up the dial pad.

>> _I’m not coming home tonight, need to clear my head. Just letting you know so you don’t wait up._

Dean only hesitates for a moment before sending the text message to his husband, fingers hovering over the keyboard for a few moments after he presses the send button. The last text he’d sent before that message had been a cute little meme about pregnant Omegas stealing their Alphas’ clothes. It was something Castiel was notorious for doing, even before he’d gotten pregnant, and the little cartoon had made Dean smile at the time. Now it just makes him scowl. He has so much that he wants to say to Cas, so many questions he needs answered. How could his husband betray him like? Was this the first time? The only time? What had Dean done wrong to make Castiel do something like this? Didn’t Cas love him?

Dean presses his fingers to his temple and looks back at his phone. As much as he wants to talk to Cas, he also doesn’t want to even think about him. When he peeks at the screen again he sees the text-in-progress bubble appear on Castiel’s end of the conversation, then disappear again seconds later. Before Dean can see what his response is, he holds down the power button and turns off his phone. It would be best for both of them right now if Dean just doesn’t engage at all.

He lets out a tired sigh and turns on his side, trying to find a comfortable position on the dingy motel bed. He finds himself wondering if Benny and Castiel snuck off to some motel like this when they were getting together… But those thoughts are too upsetting for Dean to bear, and he winds up tossing and turning trying to clear his mind of such thoughts. Finally, unable to sleep, he settles for some late night television and promises himself he’ll take a nap during his lunch break tomorrow.

Dean is miserable at work the next day, and by the time he’s ready to lock up the shop, the last thing he wants to do is go home to Castiel. He still hasn’t bothered turning his cell phone back on since the night before, which is probably immature and unwise on his part, but he can’t help it. He briefly considers checking into the motel for a second night, but the prospect of a warm dinner in his own home and a good night’s sleep in his own bed wins out over his need to evade Castiel. Worst case scenario, he just gives the Omega the silent treatment all night and then they sleep on opposite sides of the bed.

He never should have thought it would be so easy. The moment he walks through the door of his and Castiel’s cramped little apartment, he feels like his chest is going to explode with emotion. Standing by the door to the apartment, where the hallway connects the living room and the kitchen, Dean can see Castiel where he can’t see Dean. The Omega is curled up on the couch, staring blindly at the television as the light from the screen dances across his red, blotchy face. He’s obviously upset, and has been crying. The entire apartment stinks like his Omega’s distress, and Dean is caught between his instinct to comfort his mate and this other horrifying, gut wrenching reaction of being happy that Castiel is suffering. Dean winces and looks away, wondering what there is in the fridge he might eat for dinner.

Dean lets the door close loudly, announcing his entrance to the apartment, and trudges off towards the kitchen with heavy footsteps. If he’s going to make it through tonight he needs to have a beer, now. He’s rummaging through the cabinet to find a bottle opener when Castiel appears in the doorway of the kitchen, long arms wrapped protectively around his center, blue eyes wide and rimmed red. Dean senses his presence in the doorway but doesn’t acknowledge him, focusing his attention on opening his beer bottle instead. After a few long moments, Castiel clears his throat.

“Do you want some pasta? I made it earlier, I could heat it up…”

“I can do it,” Dean answers, not looking up from his beer bottle, or making any move to open the fridge. Castiel stays in the doorway for another few seconds before he takes a tentative step into the kitchen, as if unsure if he’s allowed into the same space as Dean. When the Alpha makes no movement, forward or backward, Castiel continues around him and opens up the refrigerator door. He removes a large bowl full of pasta, setting it on the counter and pulling a clean pan down from above the stove.

“Dean…”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Dean says quickly, Adam’s apple bobbing violently in his throat. His fists clench by his sides. “I can’t… Can we talk about something else right now? Anything, please.”

Castiel is silent, and Dean thanks God for the small blessings, but still finds himself counting down the seconds until his Omega will speak again. There’s so much tension in the room he can nearly taste it, and even the smell of the pasta reheating is not enough to combat the horrible scent of Dean and Cas’s combined anger, pain and frustration.

Dean watches Castiel cook but says nothing, unsure of what he’s even supposed to do in this situation. He can barely remember what he and Castiel even usually talk about after a long day of work. It was only two days ago that everything was normal and happy between them, and now, he can’t even remember what that used to feel like. He realizes with a start that he’s crying, and he bats at his face angrily, like his tears have betrayed him. The room fills suddenly with the scent of his distress and his anger, and Castiel gasps sharply, turning to look up at Dean with wide eyes.

“What?” Dean snaps, dashing at his cheeks and turning away to hide the flushed red color of his cheeks. He hates that he’s being so weak right now. He hates that Castiel has been able to cripple him so badly with all of this. After waiting from a reply for several long, drawn-out seconds but not receiving one, Dean finally grinds out, “I’m just gonna order a pizza.” He won’t touch Castiel’s food. He won’t give him the satisfaction.

Castiel narrows his eyes at Dean, opening his mouth to say something in return, but the Alpha simply turns and walks away. Castiel drops the pan of pasta to the stove with a clatter and follows Dean into the living room.

“This is how you’re going to act, then? You don’t want to talk about it, but you’re going to refuse my food like a child or something?”

“What is there to talk about, Cas? Huh?” Dean retorts. “You wanna… You wanna talk about how it felt to have Benny’s knot inside you? What it was like to fuck my best friend in the whole world-- Did you guys have a good laugh about it after? I sme-smelled him all over you yesterday when you came to my office. Have one final roll in the hay before you came to break the news to me?”

Castiel’s eyes are burning. “No, Dean.”

“No? Then what, Cas! What do you want to talk about that’s so goddamn important that I can’t order a fucking pizza in my own apartment?”

Castiel blinks, and shakes his head. His whole head feels too heavy, his face too hot. There are tears running freely down his cheeks but he ignores them. “If you don’t want to talk about it,” Castiel begins shakily, voice high and trembling, “I can take the guest room tonight. Or go to Jimmy’s. I’ll do… whatever you want, Dean,” he whispers. Dean scoffs and looks away.

“No,” he mumbles, then lifts his head and sets his jaw as he looks at Cas. “I’ll take the guest room, it’s okay.” He pauses, glancing down at his cell phone in hand. “Do you want me to order you pizza? I was going to get pepperoni.”

Castiel shakes his head. “No thanks. I don’t feel well. I’m going to go… lie down,” he says, and with that he turns and stalks out of the room, down the hallway to his and Dean’s bedroom. Dean hears the door slam all the way from the living room, and he finds himself wondering if maybe he was a bit too harsh on his husband.

 _No_ , he decides. _He deserved every last bit of what I said and more. Let him be miserable and go cry alone in our room. See if I care._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys,
> 
> I just want to say that the response you all have shown me to this story has been... absolutely stunning. When I first came up with the plotline for this story, I released a little poll to my blog asking people what they thought of the idea. I was inundated with anon hate messages criticizing me for ever wanting to write such a "terrible" story, and that I "must hate Castiel" to want to "demonize" his character in this way, and that I should be ashamed for writing A/B/O verse because it is "sexist and homophobic".  
> At this point, I had already written the first chapter of the story, but hesitated from posting it because I was scared of the response I would get. I didn't want to post something if all I was going to get for it was more anonymous hate mail. So I let it sit in my Drive, and I forgot about it. But last week as I was clearing out some files I found it, and when I re-read everything I had written I decided that I didn't care what anybody was going to say, and I might as well post it. I had absolutely no intention of continuing the story in any way. The wind had been knocked out of my sails on this project, but it would be a waste to delete the story after having written 3000 words already. So I said 'fuck it' and I posted it to ao3 and to my blog.
> 
> Needless to say, I've been shocked by the positive response to this fic I've gotten, both on here and on tumblr. Thank you all so much for your support. This chapter was written entirely for you, and by the inspiration of your kind, kind comments. I am so excited to hear your comments and see what you all think, what you want to see next chapter. 
> 
> Thank you guys so much for putting the wind back in my sails on this story. I'm so excited.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know the exact word count, but I'm pretty sure this one is longer than either two chapters combined. Enjoy the angst!

“Your phone keeps going off,” Castiel announces when Dean enters the kitchen the next morning. He’s standing at the stove stirring a pan full of eggs and peppers and onions. Dean pours himself a tall cup of coffee, sipping the scalding liquid as he fumbles to unlock his phone. Sam is texting him, for some reason, at 7:30 in the morning. The jerk has probably already been up for a few hours, Dean thinks, out on a morning jog and drinking eggs for breakfast. Well, maybe that is an exaggeration, but still.

_> >Roadhouse tonight at 6 for my birthday remember_

“Sam wants us to come out for drinks tonight at the Roadhouse for his birthday.” Dean furrows his eyebrows and begins to type into his phone. “I forgot to tell you.”

“His birthday?” Cas startles, scraping eggs out of his pan and onto a large plate. “His birthday isn’t for another two weeks. I haven’t even wrapped his present yet,” Castiel pouts, dropping the dirty pan into the sink and letting the water run over its greasy surface. Dean waves his hand in the air dismissively.

“Don’t worry about it. He’s only throwing this shin dig so early because his girlfriend has to go back to Ireland next week and she doesn’t want to miss the celebration,” he chuckles, shaking his head and letting out an almost wistful sigh. “To be young and in love.”

Dean doesn’t miss the way Castiel flinches at the words, but he chooses to ignore it and instead focuses his attention on texting Sam back.

__> >I got u bro. ready 2 get wasted xddd_ _

“I’m going to be late for work if I don’t go now,” Castiel says, setting his fork down. Dean looks up and notices that he’s eaten half the plate of eggs, leaving a more than decent portion of the omelet for Dean. He shuffles past Dean carefully, pausing in the doorway of the kitchen before he quickly turns back and goes to wrap his arms around his husband. Dean doesn’t move at first, but after a few long moments he wraps Cas up in his arms and presses a gentle kiss to his forehead.

“I’ll see you at the Roadhouse tonight. Sam said to be there at six.”

“Alright,” he nods, letting his forehead press against Dean’s chin for a moment longer before he pulls away from the embrace and heads to the door. As Dean watches him go, he gets the feeling this is going to be a long day for both of them.

 

Castiel walks into the Roadhouse at five o’clock, an hour earlier than Sam had said they should meet there. He wasn’t actually expecting anybody to be there so early, and was hoping he might be able to order a quick burger or some nachos before the whole party arrived. He’d been feeling peckish all day, but now he was really hungry and definitely craving some greasy food.

This is why he’s surprised when he sees Sam leaning against the bar, speaking in fluent sign language with his girlfriend Eileen. It only takes a few moments for Sam to notice Castiel in the bar, and when he spots him he smiles brilliantly, waving a gigantic arm in his brother-in-law’s direction. Cas waves back, walking over to Sam and Eileen’s table.

“Hey! How’s it going, Cas?” Sam stands, wrapping Castiel in a short hug and gesturing for him to take a seat. Eileen smiles and wraps him in a warm embrace as well, gesturing towards a plate of nachos she and Sam have sitting on the bar and offering them to him. Unable to resist, Castiel thanks her and quickly begins to shovel the tasty snack into his mouth. Sam watches, laughing.

“Geez, Cas, you’ll choke if you eat any faster.” he snorts. Castiel blushes a furious shade of red, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand and ducking his head.

“Sorry. I forgot to pack a snack today and I haven’t eaten since lunch.”

“Eat as much as you want,” Eileen insists, reaching out to swat at Sam’s arm as he playfully indicates to Castiel with his hands how big he’s going to get if he keeps eating like that. “You are pregnant, it’s your excuse.”

“I’m just teasing, Cas,” Sam breaks in, still laughing but wrapping an arm around his brother-in-law’s side. Cas smiles a little awkwardly, reaching out to pluck another nacho from the plate. Sam reaches over and takes one as well, crunching loudly at it and groaning in pleasure at the taste. “I’m sure Dean will still love you even when you’re all fat and your feet are swollen and you--”

“Sam!” Eileen smacks his arm again, but even she can’t hold back her laughter when she sees how Cas is grinning. Sam doubles over with laughter, and Eileen rolls her eyes, reaching out to stroke Cas’s arm. “Dean will always love Castiel, no matter what.”

Castiel’s heart hurts at the earnest words Eileen speaks, and he very badly wants the subject to change. He clears his throat, wiping his greasy hands on his pants and turning to smile at Sam.

“Well, happy birthday, Sam. This birthday makes you… what? Thirty-six?”

Sam balks at him, crossing his arms over his chest and raising his eyebrows at his brother-in-law. “You’re joking, right?” He scoffs, and Castiel grins, popping another nacho into his mouth. “Twenty-eight, Cas. You’re more of a grandpa than I am. Aren’t you turning thirty-five this year?”

“Yes, but we aren’t going to talk about that.” Castiel answers, and Eileen laughs loudly before she stands up. She tells them she is going to the restroom, and as she leaves Sam takes her seat, sliding in across from Castiel at the bar. It’s quiet for a few long moments, the only sound between them the crunch of nachos.

“So,” Sam starts, clearing his throat. “I had lunch with Dean the other day.”

“Yeah?” Castiel looks up at Sam, meeting his eyes for a brief moment before he looks away. He can see the grief and concern on his brother-in-law’s face, and he’s not entirely sure what to make of it. He assumes the worst. “So I’m sure he told you everything.”

“Well, no. I could tell he was upset, but he said it wasn’t any of my business. And I’m not coming to you to ask what’s up, because if Dean doesn’t want me to know whatever it is then I respect his decision. But I just want to make sure, are you okay?”

Castiel is shocked into silence for a moment, unsure of what to say. Dean hadn’t told Sam what he’d done? Why not? He feels as if he’s been punched in the stomach, not for what is the first time in the past few days. Even after the horrible thing Castiel had done, Dean hadn’t told his brother. He had kept Sam in the dark, out of respect for Cas and their privacy. His lips tremble and he white knuckles the bar as he speaks in a quiet voice.

“You know, I don’t know.” He looks up at Sam, eyes widening and filling with tears unbidden. He dashes them away, not allowing himself to cry anymore. “I did something really terrible, Sam.”

“What do you mean?”

“I… God, Sam, you’re gonna hate me when I say. I can’t believe Dean didn’t tell you.” His eyes are leaking without his permission. He dashes at the tears on his cheeks and feels bile rise in his throat. Is it crazy that he feels even more nervous about telling Sam than he’d felt when telling Dean? Maybe it’s because of the reaction his own brother had to the news. Maybe it’s because he’s seen Sam when he’s angry, and Sam is much more violent than his brother is when he’s angry. But Castiel knows that this needs to be done; he can’t keep his sins a secret anymore, especially if he wants to work towards fixing his mistakes. Repairing his relationships with Sam and Dean and his own family. “I cheated on Dean. And then…,” he sways, feeling his stomach churn, “then I got pregnant.”

Sam’s jaw nearly drops to the floor. He growls. “You cheated on Dean?” He practically screams the question, and Cas’s cheeks turn bright red under his tears. Sam growls again, louder this time, as Castiel nods. “The baby isn’t his?”

“No. It’s… It’s Benny’s.”

Sam’s scent had started going sour as the conversation progressed, but now the whole bar stinks like enraged Alpha, and people are starting to look over at them. Castiel whines and bows his head, and Sam stands up, towering over him and growling viciously. In all the years of their friendship, Castiel has never felt the urge to submit to Sam (and Sam never would have expected him to submit, either), but now he tilts his neck to the side and lets the Alpha stand over him. He knows he deserves whatever pain Sam is going to deliver to him. The Alpha growls again, even louder this time, and then he lunges past Castiel and throws himself on top of Benny, who only just walked into the bar and is completely caught off guard by the sudden attack.

Castiel hops up from the bar stool where he’s perched, jaw dropped as he watches the two Alphas roll into a table, flipping chairs as they fall to the floor and tumble against each other. He can still hear Sam snarling; he doesn’t think he’s ever heard an Alpha growl so loudly in his life, and people are darting out of the way as the men roll across the floor together. Eileen appears beside him suddenly, demanding to know what happened while she was gone, but Castiel knows he can’t take the time to explain right now. He needs to stop this fight.

He rushes forward and reaches out for Sam, but before he can even get within reach of the Alpha he feels a hand on his shoulder pulling him backwards. Dean pushes him out of the way, stepping forward and grabbing his brother by the shoulders and bodily pulling him off of Benny. He puffs his chest out and growls, struggling, teeth still bared at Benny even as the other Alpha backs away with his hands in the air. From his place behind Dean, Castiel can see that his neck is covered in blood and the side of his face is already swelling with some nasty bruises.

“You gotta calm down Sam, the cops are on the way,” he snaps. This seems to sober Sam up a little bit, but he’s still breathing heavily and wreaks of anger when Dean lets go of him. Benny is standing on the other side of the bar now, leaning against a table and trying to catch his breath. Sam glares at him, opening his mouth to say something, but Dean beats him to the punch.

“What the hell are you doing here, man?” He snaps, crossing his arms over his chest. Nobody in the bar misses the way the action makes him appear larger than he is. “You’re lucky I didn’t let him rip your throat out. I’ve got half a mind to do it myself.”

“Brother, I didn’t--”

“You’re not my brother,” Dean snorts, stepping forward and jabbing Benny in the chest. “You stay away from my family. Stay away from my mate. Or next time, I won’t hold him back. Next time I’ll be the one with my jaw around your throat.”

Benny growls, but makes no move to advance on Dean. Instead he looks over his shoulder, making eye contact with Castiel. The Omega feels his body flush and he looks away as soon as their eyes meet, his stomach flipping as a wave of nausea hits him. He clamps a hand over his mouth, turning and running to the bathroom, Eileen close behind to make sure he’s okay. Benny watches him go, then looks back at Dean, letting his lips curl back and showing his teeth.

“Tell your mate to stay away from me then. How ‘bout that?”

“You don’t gotta worry about that,” Dean hisses, eyes narrowed into angry slits. He shoves at Benny’s chest, and he can hear Ellen yelling from somewhere behind the bar for them to take it outside. Dean gestures towards the door. “You should leave now.”

“Yeah, I’m going.” Benny growls, and then he turns and storms out, shoulder-checking Dean so violently on his way past that the Alpha is almost knocked over. Dean doesn’t breath until his former best-friend has finally left the bar, and then he collapses into the nearest chair, breathing a heavy sigh and resting his head in his hands, hiding his face from the rest of the bar as tears fill his eyes.

 ──────⊱◈◈◈⊰────── 

“I’m sorry, Dean. If I had known I never would have invited--”

“Yeah, well, I didn’t want you to know,” Dean grumbles out, frustrated, and dashes at his eyes with the back of his hand. He’s done crying now, and Sam has settled into the seat beside him, two beers resting on the tabletop in front of them, untouched. “Now it’s just going to be weird.”

“Is it, though? I mean…,” Sam chews at his bottom lip, pausing to collect his words before he speaks, “if you need help with the legal end of things, I’m here for you. I mean, I’m here for you regardless. But if you need advice on your rights, or your options… A divorce would be clean cut, because there’s plenty of reasonable doubt and no need for a custody battle. Or if you--”

“No, Sam,” Dean snaps, pounding a fist on the table. He doesn’t see Castiel and Eileen coming back, stopping a few feet away when it becomes obvious that the two men are engaged in a heated discussion. “I don’t-- this is why I didn’t want you to know about it. Cas made a mistake and right now, I kind of hate him for it, but I still love him too. I still want to make things work between us. And I don’t need you telling me what to do, to go divorce him when we can still fix this…”

“Fix it? You mean you’ll have him get an abortion.” Sam lifts his eyebrows curiously, picking at the label of his beer bottle. “I mean, that’s also well within your rights, albeit a real traditional one…”

“Dude,” Dean hisses, nose wrinkled at his brother’s words, and when he turns his head to the side he sees Castiel and Eileen standing just a few feet away. Close enough for Sam and Dean’s entire conversation to be audible, if the way Castiel is standing with his arms wrapped so protectively around his center is any clue. Dean pushes his seat out as fast as he can, but before he can even stand Castiel has turned and is walking past him, towards the bar doors.

“I’ll go wait in the car,” he mumbles just as he brushes past Dean, and it’s all he can do not to reach out and stop his husband from walking away from him. Just before he can actually exit the bar, there’s a loud crack, and Castiel turns around just in time to see Eileen violently striking Sam across the cheek. Evidently she’d been reading his lips in the conversation, as well, and hadn’t liked what he’d said.

“I need to go talk to him,” Dean says, quickly throwing down a handful of bills, enough to cover the tab for the night and then some. He frowns, looking softly at Sam and then over at the bar, where Eileen stormed off to order another drink. “I’m sorry about this. We ruined your birthday.”

“No,” Sam growled, eyes narrow. “Cas ruined my birthday. And Benny.”

“Dude…”

“No, Dean. I don’t care if you’re not going to be angry about this, but I am. Castiel made a fucking fool out of you tonight, and God knows how long he’s been fucking around behind your back before you found out. I can’t even believe it myself, but… Benny might not even be the first! He could have been screwing around this whole time, for all we know, while you bankroll him and give him a home and the security of an Alpha mate--”

“Sam,” Dean cuts him off, angry now. Sam’s words are making his head spin. “Give it a rest,” he grunts, rapping his knuckles on the table once before he turns and stalks out of the bar. Sam lets out a heavy sigh, hen looks back at the bar where Eileen is nursing a scotch, and stands up to go talk to her. Hopefully he can fix this, too.

Dean finds Castiel lying in the backseat of the impala, trenchcoat draped over his body and fingers pinching the bridge of his nose. He’s crying, and stinking up the car with the smell of his pain. He lets out a heavy sigh and slips into the driver’s seat, closing the door behind him and letting the cabin of the car fill with the sound of silence.

“Cas,” Dean finally clears his throat, looking into the mirror and back at his husband. He sees castiel’s eyes open, but he doesn’t say anything in acknowledgment of Dean’s presence. “What Sam said back there…”

“I’ll do it,” Castiel cuts in before Dean can finish his sentence, voice hoarse. “Whatever you want, Dean. the pup… I’ll kill it, for you, if you want me…”

“No, Cas, e talked about this. What the fuck?” Dean growls, slamming his fist on the steering wheel. “I don’t understand-- am I the only sane one in this fuckig family? Do you all think I’m some kind of monster who would-- would force his Omega to kill an innocent pup, because it’s not mine? That’s fucked up, cas!” He yells. Castiel sits up, wiping his face and glaring at Dean’s in the mirror.

“Well then, what do you want me to do?! Just tiptoe around this like it never happened? I think about it every day, Dean! I can’t stop thinking about it, the pain I’ve caused you… the grief… I can smell it on you all day and night, and it breaks my heart, because I keep thinking you must be better off without me!”

“No!” Dean yells back, voice cracking. “I want to make this work!”

“Then how? Because what Sam was suggesting…”

“Is gross and archaic and--” Dean shakes his head, looking down at his lap. “Fuck, Cas, if you want to get an abortion I won’t stop you. But I know you don’t want to get one for you. And I don’t want you to get one, so please don’t do it for me. Don’t make me into some kind of bad guy, here.”

“No,” Castiel croaks, and he reaches out, touching Dean’s shoulder gently, timidly. “No, that’s not what I’m trying to do here, Dean. I just want to make this better. I want us to be better.”

“Was it the only time, Cas?” Dean croaks, tears burning his eyes. He refuses to look up. Castiel’s heart hurts.

“Yes. It was just the- the one time. And I never… I could never do that again. It felt so horrible, Dean,” he whines. Dean growls.

“Then why did you do it?” Dean asks, desperate, exasperated. His green eyes flicker over Castiel’s face, searching, and castiel feels a pit in his stomach. He whines, covering his face with his hands before he rakes his fingers through his hair, and shakes his head.

“I don’t know, I don’t know…,” he whimpers, and his head feels like it’s going to explode. He wishes he could climb out of his own skin and go hide somewhere, somewhere far away from himself and Dean and Sam and all of the mess he’s caused with his mistakes. He swallows. “I was drunk, I was… I was lonely,” he chokes. Dean’s face goes white at the words, jaw clenching.

“Lonely?” he whispers. Castiel shakes his head and covers his face again, looking away. Dean can barely resist the urge to growl, and he can’t control himself when he reaches out and swats castiel’s hands away from his face. “No, you don’t get to hide, now! You cheated on me because… you were lonely? How?”

Castiel makes a choked off noise, holding his stomach because he thinks he might just throw up. He whines. “I don’t know, Dean, I just…” he sniffs and squeezes his eyes shut tight. “You were supposed to be there, and you weren’t. You’re never there anymore. You’re always at work, or with Sam out hunting, or anywhere else but with me!” Castiel isn’t even quite sure where all of this is coming from, but now that he’s saying it, he feels like he’s going to choke on the words if he doesn’t get them out. “And it felt like… like you were avoiding me, maybe, because we couldn’t get pregnant.”

Dean’s jaw clenches, and for the first time since this conversation began he looks away from Cas’s face, hiding his expression behind the front headrest. “So you went and found an Alpha who could satisfy you. Breed you up lke a good little bitch?” he snaps. Castiel gasps, a sharp intake of breath that sounds as painful as Dean’s words probably feel.

“No, Dean…”

“Then what?” He growls, looking back over the seat at Cas. “Did it feel good, when he knotted you? Did you think of me at all, Cas? Did you imagine it was me fucking you full, or did you beg for Benny?” His voice cracks. “Did it feel good to finally find a real Alpha, who could breed you up like you wanted?”

“Dean, stop!” Castiel cries. Dean snarls, nostrils flaring.

“No, I want to know,” he reaches out, pulling Castiel close by the collar, growling in his face. “Did you beg for it, Cas? Beg so pretty like you used to do for me…”

“Stop, stop it!” Castiel cries, shoving Dean away and flinging himself back into the backseat. He hugs himself, shaking, tears streaming down his face. “I hated it! From the moment his knot locked us together I couldn’t wait to get out of there! I wished it had never happened because all I could think about was how I… I… How I wanted it to be you! I wanted you to want me again, but you weren’t there and you haven’t been there and I was lonely and I… I wanted to know why my mate didn’t love me anymore!”

Dean falls silent, watching as Castiel breaks down into sobs in the back seat, his whole body heaving as he cries. His Alpha deflates, anger gone and replaced again with pain and heartbreak. This is what he’s done. He’s made his mate think he doesn’t love him anymore.

“Cas, I…” He stops, voice cracking, and he looks down at his lap. Then he sighs, turning around in his seat and putting the key in the ignition. “Let’s get you home, okay? “

Castiel whimpers, and in between another pathetic sob and a hiccup, he manages to say, “Okay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please COMMENT and tell me what you're thinking!!!


	4. Chapter 4

Dean’s office feels stuffy because he’s been sitting there for so long, and his eyes hurt from staring at the computer screen.  Since early in the morning, he’s been sequestered in his office, with strict orders to Charlie to divert anyone from coming to bother him in his office.  He has plenty of important work to do right now, and can’t afford to be distracted.

Especially by clickbait articles.  His eyes flicker over the screen and he slides the computer mouse forward, clicking the link and watching as a Gossip website pops up.

#  **15 Powerful Steps for Surviving Infidelity in Your Relationship**

 

  * __Now, it’s more important than ever that you improve communication with your partner.__


  * _Talk about how the affair has affected you_


  * _Spend time together without talking about the affair_


  * _Finding a support group to join can help you feel less isolated while you’re in the middle of surviving infidelity._



Dean quickly clicks out of the webpage when his office door slams open, Sam storming in and slamming his briefcase down on Dean’s desk.  Dean can’t help but flinch back in surprise, and he scowls up at Sam, eyes narrowed.

“Dude, shouldn’t you be at work?”

“Couldn’t concentrate,” Sam answers briskly, popping open his briefcase and beginning to unpack its cluttered content onto Dean’s desk.  Dean lets out an exasperated noise, peeking over the lid of Sam’s case to spy on the documents inside.  He frowns, snatching one of the documents up and looking at it with bugged eyes.

“Dude, what the hell--”

“So get this,” Sam starts, worrying his bottom lip between his teeth nervously.  “I was really out of place last week when I said all that… stuff, about Cas.  You’re right that it’s your decision, and your business how you handle the whole… situation,” Sam winces, seemingly unable to call the ‘situation’ an affair like it is.  Dean continues to frown at his brother, the print-out in his hand crumpling a little with the force of his grip on it.  “But I started thinking, and I talked about it with Eileen too, and I’m just worried that Benny has the right to sue you guys.”

The frown falls away from Dean’s face, replaced by a stony expression as he looks back down at the sheet in his hands.   “What right?”

“By the New Laws?  He can battle for custody.”  Sam swallows around a lump in his throat.  “The Old Laws say he can sue for your Omega.  For Cas.”

“Challenge my claim,” Dean mutters, still looking down at the paper in his hands, eyes scanning the words on the page which detail the law.  He growls, crumpling up the paper and throwing it down on his desk.  “This is bullshit, Sam!  Nobody is going to take this seriously.”

“With the right lawyer, the right judge… Yeah, they will, Dean.  I know it’s bull.  The laws are outdated and need to be amended, but until they are, this could stand in court.”

Dean huffs, crossing his arms over his chest.  “But… The kid hasn’t even been born yet.  How can he even prove it's his? Prenatal testing is dangerous as hell, and if Cas puts my name on the birth certificate there wouldn’t be any doubt… It would just be Benny’s word against ours.”

“You want Cas to put your name on the birth certificate?” Sam raises his eyebrows, surprised.  Dean huffs.

“If it’ll keep Benny from suing for custody of _my mate_ , yeah, I’m willing to put my name next to the kids on a sheet of freaking paper.  Don’t make it a bigger deal than it is,” he growls.  Sam sticks his hands up and nods, but the look on his face tells Dean that he’s not actually ready to give up this discussion.  Dean sighs and plops down in his chair, carding his fingers back and forth through his hair.  “God, Sam…”

“It’s alright,” Sam is quick to comfort his brother.  “This is all just theoretical.  Benny might not even know about this, and even if he does he might not sue.  I’m probably just over-thinking all this!”

Dean snorts, lips twitching a bit as he looks up at his brother.  “Nice of you to finally admit it, Sam.  But…,” Dean swallows, scratching at the back of his neck.  “I don’t know.  Do you think he’d actually do it?  Try to take Cas away from me?”

“I don’t know,” Sam sighs.  “But if he does… I’ll do everything in my power to help you, Dean.  Whatever you need, I’m here for you.  And that doesn’t just mean kicking Benny’s ass.  I’ll fight anybody who tries to hurt you, even Cas.  Especially Cas.”

Dean nods, a small smile gracing his features.  “Thank you, Sam,” he says, sighing and looking away.  He glances out of the small window he has in his office, at the shrubbery and trees outside.  A bird perches on a branch close to the window, chirping loudly.  “I think Cas and I are… we’re working on things,” Dean purses his lips, looking back at his computer and then at his phone, sitting on his desk.  “We talked the other day.  Well, I mean… We yelled,” he sighs, dragging his sweaty palms over his face.  “But it cleared some things up.  I still have a lot of questions, but he’s giving me answers and he’s being honest.” Dean snorts.  “I don’t think we’ve ever actually talked about our feelings so much before… this.”

Sam is quiet as Dean speaks, listening to all his brother has to say.  There’s a long pause between when Dean stops talking, and Sam’s response, but when he speaks his words are soft and genuine.  “That’s good.”

Dean snorts, unable to stop himself from laughing.  “Ugh, this is such a chick flick moment.”

“That’s the kind of attitude that’s been keeping you and Cas from communicating properly in the first place,” Sam counters, and Dean rolls his eyes.

“Yeah, yeah.  You wanna go grab some lunch?  I’m thinking Chinese food.”

“Your cholesterol is probably--”

“Whine whine, nag nag.  Come on, jerk, we’re wasting daylight.” He stands, clapping his hand together and flicking his computer monitor off.  He’ll finish looking at the article later; right now, he needs to get his mind off of the affair.

──────⊱◈◈◈⊰──────

The apartment smells delicious when Dean walks in, like fresh baked cookies and fluffy pastry.  Sure enough, Castiel is in the kitchen when Dean follows his nose down the hall, taking a tray of perfectly baked chocolate chip cookies out of the oven and laying the tray on the counter to cool.  He looks up when Dean walks in, smiling softly and kicking the oven door shut.

“You’re home early,” he says.  Dean shrugs, dropping his keys on the counter and coming to stand closer to Cas, leaning over to survey the food options.

“Only a little,” he says, wrapping an arm around Castiel’s side and pressing a gentle kiss to the top of his head.  Castiel lets him, wrapping his arms around Dean’s center and soaking up the affection his husband gives him.  “These cookies up for grabs?”

“They’re for my students.  They’re learning fractions this week and the cookies will offer a visual aid.”

“Hey, I know fractions,” Dean says, reaching out and snatching up a cookie from the tray.  It’s hot and burns his hand when he picks it up, but he crams it into his mouth anyway before Cas can snatch it back from him.  He whines in pain after that, hands flying to his mouth as his eyes begin to water and he forces himself to chew the piping hot cookie.

“You are a child,” Castiel laughs, turning to fill up a glass for his husband.  He hands it to him, and Dean gulps it down, whining pitifully when even the cool water burns his tongue.  “Was it worth it?”

“Yes,” Dean insists stubbornly after he drains his glass.  Castiel smiles and wraps his arms around Dean’s waist again, leaning forward to plant a soft, chaste kiss on Dean’s lips.  After a few moments, Dean reacts, pushing forward and kissing Castiel back with force.  The Omega keens, tilting his head back and smiling against his lips.

“Mmh, tastes like chocolate,” he says.  Dean chuckles, knocking his forehead against Cas’s and staying there for a few moments, just relishing in the presence and the scent of his mate.   The scent of his pregnancy is starting to become more distinct, the pup’s forming scent mingling with Castiel’s.  He smells like tangerines.

“Benny showed up at the school today,” Castiel says after a few moments, and Dean’s eyes blink open immediately and his jaw clenches.  He can feel his palms starting to sweat.

“What?”

“It was during recess.  I was grading papers and…,” Castiel swallows, pulling away from Dean and rubbing the back of his neck, “... and then he was just there.  The secretary must have let him in, I don’t know.”

“What did he want?” Dean manages not to let his voice crack.  Castiel swallows and looks away.  Dean notices that he’s shifting, and a hand is now resting on his barely-showing stomach.  

“He was being weird, I don’t know.  He kept-- he kept saying that he would be _better_ for me than you.  It was all so ridiculous.  And when I told him to go, he got angry and--”  Castiel licks his lips.  “One of the other teachers down the hall heard.  She called the office, and they sent up the principal, who threatened to call the police if he didn’t leave.  And the principal is a big Alpha and he’s kind of scary, so he left after that.  But…”

“Oh, what?  I’m not big and scary enough for Benny to get the message that he’s not welcome?  I _told_ him to stay away from you.” Dean growls, turning away from Castiel and punching the kitchen counter.  It sounds painful, but Dean is too worked up right now to care.  Castiel reaches out and touches his arm, an offer for comfort.

“He wasn’t… He didn’t do anything.”

“Didn’t do anything?” Dean growls, gaping at Cas.  “I _warned him_ , Cas!  I warned him to stay away from you and then he goes and… Do you know he has the right to sue for custody of the baby? Of _you_?” Castiel frowns and Dean huffs, crossing his arms and looking away.  “I don’t want him seeing you again.”

“It’s not my fault, Dean.  He showed up at my job!  What was I supposed to do?”

Dean’s jaw ticks.  “I don’t know.  But I don’t want him anywhere near you.”  Castiel looks stricken, and Dean frowns.  “What now?”

“I don’t… I don’t want Benny to take custody of the baby.  But shouldn’t he at least get to know who his father is?” Castiel’s voice is quiet, weak.  Like he isn’t even quite sure if he believes in what he’s saying, but feels it’s necessary for him to say it.  Dean feels as if he’s been punched in the gut with Castiel’s words, and he scowls, turning bodily away from his husband.  Castiel whines.  “Dean, don’t…”

“I’m going to grab a drink,” he growls, snatching his keys up off the countertop.  Castiel’s breath hitches, but he doesn’t move to stop Dean from going.  Is that even his place, anymore?  Yes, he decides, it is.  He surges forward and reaches out, grabbing Dean’s arm to stop him.  Dean growls loudly and tries to jerk away, but Cas holds him steady, and they stare at each other frowning until finally, Dean speaks.

“Let me go, Cas.”

“Don’t push me out, Dean.” He says gently.  “We’re doing so well.  Don’t push me out now.”

“How could you…,” Dean breathes, lips wobbling before he turns completely around to face Cas.  “Why would you want him to be there, Cas?  Aren’t I enough?”

“Of course, Dean.  Of course, you’re enough,” Cas chokes out, wrapping his arms around Dean’s torso.  The Alpha nuzzles his Omega’s neck, breathing deeply in Cas’s citrus and peppermint scent.

“I love you, Dean,” he chokes, reaching out and grasping at the lapels of Dean’s shirt.  “I think… Will you go see a therapist with me?  A marriage counselor. I was looking it up on my lunch break today, I think… It might help.”

Dean almost laughs aloud at the irony.  Instead, he nods and wordlessly leans down to capture Cas’s lips with his own, with a lingering kiss that makes them both smile against each other’s lips.  Their fingers laced together, pulling each other closer, fingers tangling into one another’s hair.  Yeah, this is good.  This is okay.  Everything is going to be okay.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a CW... there is some sex in this chapter that gets a little squicky near the end. Dean does stop when Castiel tells him to, but he is drunk and it's still a little intense.

Castiel snuffles into the sheets and rolls over, his arm draped over his husband’s chest as it rises and falls in rhythm with his breathing.  Dean smacks his lips in his sleep and drags Castiel closer, nosing at his neck.  The strong scent of oranges and cream is what wakes him from his slumber, and he blinks in the darkness of their bedroom, wondering what time it must be if the sun isn’t even beginning to peek over the horizon.

Their marriage counselor, who they'd had their first visit with earlier in the week, recommended they try sleeping in the same bed again.  This is only the second night they’ve been trying it out, and Dean doesn’t want to be so quick to say that it isn’t working… but so far, it’s been hard.  Castiel’s pregnancy is progressing, becoming more noticeable every day, his belly rounding out in a beautiful little bump that rests well on his hips.  And his scent is changing too, becoming more like the baby’s with every passing day; more like Benny’s. 

Dean slips out from Castiel’s grasp and pads into the kitchen, pouring himself a glass of water from the tap and glancing at the clock on the microwave.  It’s three o’clock on a Saturday morning.  He sighs and places his glass back on the counter, rooting around in the cupboard for a bottle of Jack.  He dumps the water out from his glass and replaces it with two fingers of whiskey, then thinks better and pours the rest of the bottle’s contents into his glass as well.  It’s not like anybody else in the house is going to be drinking it anytime soon.  Dean snorts, and brings the glass to his lips.

The marriage counselor was a kind, older woman named Missouri.  She’d taken immediately to Castiel, asking him all sorts of questions about the baby and his pregnancy and how he was feeling.  Castiel always had that way with people, where he could charm them and make them smile without even trying; just being himself.  It was one of the reasons Dean fell in love with him in the first place.

She’d talked to them both, at length, about the power of communication and forgiveness.  Dean was happy with the way she’d approached their situation, because as much as she seemed endeared to Castiel, she was very fair in her judgement of their situation.  She told Dean he had every right to be angry about what happened, and cautioned them both that it would take a lot of time and hard work to heal the wounds caused by the affair.

“And what if we can’t heal?” Dean had asked, unable to meet his own husband’s eyes as he asked Missouri. He was honestly afraid to speak his own words, for fear that they may be true.   “What if I… What if I can’t forgive him?”

Castiel was silent beside him as Missouri considered his question.  Then finally she smiled, a soft thing, and reached out to touch Dean’s shoulder.  He leaned into it, comforted by the gesture. “You will forgive him, darling.  Your heart is too big for you not to,” she answered, then patted him on the cheek. “But don’t feel like you need to rush things.  Like I said, this is going to take time.”

Now, Dean snorts into his glass as he swallows down another shot of whiskey.  It burns his throat and makes tears come to his eyes, but he feels grateful for the excuse to cry.  Still, he swipes at his face uselessly, sniffling into his glass.

“Time, my ass,” he mumbles, gritting his teeth.  “How am I ever supposed to forget this?  Why can’t I just suck it up and  _ get over _ it?” He slams the glass down on the counter, the alcohol making his movements harsh and uncoordinated.  Everything feels a little fuzz right now, a little numb, and it’s good.  He wipes his mouth on his sleeve and turns, blinking in surprise when he sees Castiel standing in the doorway of the kitchen.

“Baby, it’s late,” he says, stepping forward and taking Dean’s hand.  He hadn’t even realized he was reaching out towards him.  “Come on, back to bed.”

“Don’t want to,” Dean mumbles, tugging his hand away from his husband and turning back towards the kitchen.  He hears Castiel sigh, and the floorboards creak as he steps closer.  His hand is warm against the small of Dean’s back, but Dean shivers anyway.  “I’ll sleep in the guest room,” he grunts.  Castiel can’t stop the whine he produces at the blatant rejection from his mate.

“Dean, what did I…,” he trails off, swallowing the lump in his throat.  Dean glances back at him, frowns, then steps back into his space and grabs him by the shoulders.  Castiel gasps harshly, body going tense, and then Dean is pushing him up against the fridge and kissing him like he’s never done before.  His tongue plunges into Castiel’s mouth, taking and taking, and it only takes a few seconds before Castiel is responding to the kiss.  He grabs into Dean’s arms, holding him in place and, if possible, pulling him even closer.  He reaches out, grabbing Dean’s cheeks and holding his head in place as they kiss, his fingers tangling into Dean’s hair and tugging.  Dean growls.

“You smell like _him_ ,” he growls, chest heaving, and castiel looks up in surprise to see that his mate’s eyes are glowing Alpha red.  He whines and bears his neck, and Dean takes the open invitation from his mate, ducing his head down and sucking a painful bruise into the skin there.  Castiel holds Dean closer, searching for some sort of support of Dean presses him closer against the fridge, unrelenting.  His hips rotate against Castiel’s, and he snarls.  “Want you to smell like  _ me _ . Only me…  _ Mine _ .”

“Yes,” Castiel gasps, eyes squeezed shut as he feels Dean biting at his neck.  It’s painful, but it still feels so good to be claimed by his Alpha.  “All yours, Dean.  Just yours.”

“Mine,” he growls, and then in a quick movement he has Castiel turned around, no longer pressed up against the fridge but bent over the kitchen counter.  His shirt rucks up and his pajama bottoms slip right off, his pregnant belly hanging low and prominent as Dean presses up against him from behind.  His small cock is all filled up with blood and pulsing against his pregnant belly, and he whines when Dean presses a dry thumb to his opening, slick dripping down his thighs and along the seam of his balls.  He gasps when suddenly he feels Dean’s tongue, licking it up, sucking at his swollen balls and sensitive perineum.

“Oh, God… Dean…”

His fingers are a bruising grip on Castiel’s hips as he stands, his own pants hastily discarded and kicked across the tile floor to the other side of the kitchen.  Castiel whines long and low as he feels the spongy head of Dean cock pressing to his hole, stretching the muscles there are he sinks inside.  Dean pushes the head in with a soft pop and a low moan, and Castiel flexes around him, trying to draw him in deeper and milk his Alpha’s cock for everything it’s worth.  Dean curses, draping his body over Castiel back and rocking against him.

“Fuck, baby…” Dean gasps, lips pressing to Castiel’s sweat-drenched back, then teeth grazing the skin in harsh, claiming bites.  “So tight, so… You want me, Cas?  You want your Alpha to make you feel it?”

“Yes,” Castiel gasps, fingers scrabbling for purchase against the counter as Dean thrusts forward with particular force.  In this position, Castiel’s cock is trapped hard and heavy between his pregnant belly and the kitchen counter.  He whines loudly and keens when Dean nails his prostate, and the Alpha grins against his back.

“Yeah, I know you like this.  You like being pinned down by your Alpha, huh?  Like it when your all spread out on a thick Alpha cock,” he snarls, biting at Castiel’s shoulder, and the Omega keens and cries out.  Dean huffs against his skin, lips curling and eyes squeezing shut.  His cock throbs, and he snarls.  “Yeah, I know just how to make you beg for it.”

“Dean…” Castiel moans, reaching back, searching for some part of his husband to hold onto.  Dean catches his wrists and pins him down, growling.

“You wouldn't beg for any other knot like this, would you?” he snarls, thrusting harshly and making Castiel’s jerk forward.  The Omega whines, dropping his head so that it knocks against the counter.  “Or maybe you would," Dean's pace picks up, and he's slamming his hips against Castiel's now, chasing his pleasure, "Bet you'd beg any Alpha just walking by to fuck you full like this. Like the fucking whore you are. A pretty little whore," Dean snarls, and Castiel cries out, fingers gripping ag the counter.  "A good little cockslut,” he grunts, and Castiel whimpers out Dean's name, a quiet plea for him to stop with his harsh words. “Do you know what a fucking whore you are, Castiel?” he snarls.  Castiel cries out, jerking away from Dean’s touch.

“Dean, stop!” he cries, twisting out of his husband’s drip.  Dean blinks and steps away, his dick slipping out of Castiel’s wet hole as the Omega scrambles to get his pants back on.  He notices, just before his husband can completely redress, that he’s not even hard anymore.  Dean’s own erection flags, and he looks up to see that Castiel is crying.  He reaches out, but Castiel jerks away.

“Don't touch me! Call me... call me in the morning when you’re  _ sober _ ,” Castiel snaps, dashing at his eyes and grabbing the keys to the Impala off the countertop.  Dean opens his mouth to speak, but then closes it again when he can’t think of anything.  Castiel huffs.  “I’m going to stay at Jimmy’s."

“But Cas…” Dean steps forward, but Castiel has already left the kitchen, and in a few seconds he hears the front door slam.  He collapses back against the counter, sinking down to the floor and cradling his head in his hands.  He hiccups, blowing a long breath out from his nose and squeezing his eyes shut as the tears threaten to spill over once again.  “I’m sorry.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this one was so short!


	6. Chapter 6

“He did  _ what?”  _ Jimmy is screaming, and Castiel worries that he’ll wake his neighbors and the police will be called.  His brother has always been more expressive than he is, and right now is no exception, as Jimmy slams his cell phone down on the kitchen counter and fumes loudly.  “What the fuck, Cas!  He practically raped you!”

“No, Jimmy.  No,” Castiel says firmly, stepping forward and pressing his hand against his twin’s shoulder in an attempt to calm him.  It’s when he touches him that he realizes Jimmy is shaking, and Castiel moves closer so that he can take a steady grip of his brother’s shoulders.  He makes sure his brother is looking at his face, making eye contact before he says it again.  “I’m fine now, Jimmy.  Dean didn’t hurt me like that.”

Jimmy quakes, nodding erratically and looking Castiel up and down at the same time.  “Right.  Are you okay?” His own hands fly up to grip Castiel’s shoulders, and now the twins are holding each other both at arm’s length, thoroughly assessing one another.  He finally lowers his voice, and in a nervous tone carries on. “Is the baby okay?” 

“As far as I know, my baby is fine,” Castiel answers, and he finally lets go of Jimmy to rest a hand on his stomach.  “I just need to crash here for a few hours.  Maybe longer, if  Dean doesn’t want to see me.  I know it’s my… my scent right now, my hormones are all over the place while my body is still adjusting to the pregnancy and the smell is making him…”

“Don’t make excuses for him, Cassie,” Jimmy says, voice hushed and dark.  Castiel frowns, but listens as his brother speaks.   “If he knew he wasn’t going to be able to deal with the baby… He should have left you the moment he found out.  He told you he was going to try to work things out, and now he’s… what did you say over the phone?  He was drinking Jack at  _ two in the morning _ ?”

“Three.  It was three,” Castiel whispers.  Jimmy huffs and shrugs.

“Alright, it doesn’t matter.  If he’s getting drunk and… and jumping you at three in the morning, calling you names, making you feel horrible about yourself--”

“Maybe I deserve to feel horrible, Jim!” Castiel yells, breaking away from his brother and storming into the livingroom.  Jimmy follows hot on his heels, growling low under his breath but not saying anything just yet.  “God, why is everyone acting like I deserve to be forgiven?” he shouts.  Now it’s he who's making all the noise, but he can’t help it.  “You, Missouri, Eileen, even Dean!  God, I think Sam might be the only sane one out of our whole family, and he hasn’t spoken to me in two full weeks!  But that… I deserve that!  And I deserve for Dean to call me a whore!  Because that’s what I am.  I’m a fucking whore!”  Castiel doesn’t realize he’s crying until his voice cracks, and his throat is raw from screaming, and tears stream hot down his face.  And he’s so overwhelmed that he can’t even fight it when Jimmy wraps his arms around him.  He squeezes, tucking Castiel’s head under his chin and rocking him in his arms.

“Cas…,” he whispers, fingers digging into his brother’s shoulders, holding him tight as Castiel collapses against him, sobbing. “Brother, please. Don’t cry, don’t…” Jimmy chews his lips, unsure of what to even say. Castiel never breaks down. Castiel has always been the stoic one between them. He guides his brother over to his couch in the living room, easing him into a seat and holding him close.  “Lets just talk about this, okay? It’s late, or… or early, and our emotions are running the gauntlet here, but…”

“What’s there to talk about, Jimmy? My marriage is falling apart and it’s my fault. Dean is killing himself trying to be the bigger person here, and I don’t even know how to help him. I’m trying so hard, but how can I… how can I make up for what I did? How can you fix something like that?”

Jimmy sighs, hanging his head.  Castiel whimpers.

“If Amelia came back to you,” he whispers, and Jimmy tenses, “would you take her in?”

“No,” Jimmy snaps harshly, and he looks away. “But it’s different, Cas. You cheating on Dean is… it’s horrible, and you already know that. But it’s nothing compared to what Amelia…”

“I betrayed his trust. I took— I took the easy way out. I was lonely and tired and angry because Dean was ignoring me, and so instead of talking to him I went and found comfort in a friend. It was selfish and cruel. And what Amelia did… she betrayed your trust, she was selfish, and cruel too…”

“She abused her legal power over me and took advantage of me when I needed her most,” Jimmy snaps. “And I know you’re trying to make a point about how much you hate yourself for what you did, Cas, but to compare an extramarital affair to the shit I went through at that hospital—!” Jimmy stands up, limbs shaking visible as he begins to pace. “You can’t compare it. And I don’t… I don’t want to think about it.”  His hand travels low, resting on his own flat belly, which Castiel knows is covered in scars both visible and invisible beneath his night shirt.

“I’m sorry,” Castiel says, and he stands up and reaches out, grabbing Jimmy’s wrist and pulling him back in.  he hugs him, stops him from shaking.  “You’re right, I’m sorry. I don’t… it was a bad comparison.”

“A terrible comparison,” Jimmy frowns. Castiel nods, letting his head fall to rest in his brother’s shoulder. Jimmy sighs, reaching up and carding his fingers through his brother’s hair.  “But I know this is hard for you too, Cas.  And it might be your fault, but that doesn’t mean you need to be punished forever for it.”

“I need to repent for what I’ve done.”

“Then repent,” Jimmy says, shrugging.  Castiel wants to be frustrated that his brother is being too simple about this, but he lets him continue.  “Go to church and confess your sins. Beg for forgiveness from God.  Beg for forgiveness from your husband and  _ show him _ that you’re sorry.  Tell him how you’re feeling… I know Dean is emotionally constipated, but you’re even worse than he is, man!  You  _ never  _ talk about your feelings, even when it’s eating you up inside.  And keeping secrets, however small, does not a healthy relationship make.”

Castiel snorts, shaking his head and looking down at his lap.  “Dean can’t even look at me,” he whispers.  Jimmy frowns, rubbing his hand back and forth over Castiel’s back.  “We’ve been… trying to sleep together.  In the same bed, again.  I don’t think he even realizes it but he--” Castiel squeezes his eyes shut.  “He flinches away from my touch, even in his sleep.  He keeps to his side of the bed.  And this morning, he finally touched me, he finally--” Castiel chokes on his own words, stifling a sob.  “He finally touched me and it was only because he was drunk.  The first time we’ve had sex in two months and he had to guzzle a fifth of whiskey before he could even think about it!”

“Two months?” Jimmy’s eyes are bugging out of his head.  Castiel scowls and whacks him on the shoulder.

“Oh, shut up.  As if your sex life is any better.”

“I don’t have a mate, Cas, my sex life has an excuse to be dead.  You…” He shakes his head, bewildered.  “I thought you and Dean had been trying to get pregnant, before this?”

“We were.  But it wasn’t taking, and I guess Dean just got tired.  Maybe having sex with me became a chore, I don’t know.  He stopped coming home from work, started drinking more… I had an appointment for us to visit a fertility doctor, but Dean… He wouldn’t go,” Castiel swallows thickly, throat bobbing.  “Oh God, this is Dean’s biggest fear, isn’t it?  That he.. That he can’t provide for his family, and then his family leaves him. Oh God, Jimmy, I’ve got to go back…” Castiel hops up from the couch, but Jimmy grabs his wrist and refuses to let go.

“You’re not going back there now, Cas.  You can call Dean in the morning and talk to him, when he’s sober and we know you’re not in danger.  Because I know… I know Dean isn’t Amelia, but he’s still an Alpha, and he still hurt you tonight.  And I just can’t let you go back there when Dean might hurt you again.”

Castiel frowns, not saying anything, but after a few seconds standing there he finally sinks back down onto the couch beside his brother.  Jimmy pats his back and stands, going to the closet to grab a spare pillow and some linens.  

“I’ll take the couch.  You take my bed.”

“No, Jimmy,” Castiel insists, snatching the pillow from his brother’s hands.  “You go back to your own bed.  It’s bad enough I’ve kept you up until…,” he looks over at the VCR clock. “4:30 in the morning.  Oh, Jesus.  I’m so sorry, Jim.”

Jimmy shakes his head, reaching out and cupping the side of his brother’s face.  He ducks down, pressing a gentle kiss to the top of Castiel’s head.  “I told you I’ll always be there for you. Admittedly, I’d prefer you to have your crises at a more decent hour from now on, but…” He laughs when Cas pinches his side, and he steps back, stretching and yawning.  “I’ve got your back, bro.  Get some rest.  You and Dean have some talking to do in the morning.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, so... it's been a while! and there have been a few major updates to the rest of the story. if you see any discrepancies, please kindly point them out to me. I don't want to have done a shoddy editing job and left out some super important part of the story. 
> 
> I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving and are enjoying your holiday breaks! I thank you kindly for being patient with me while you waited for this next chapter. Hopefully the next few will be coming along much faster than this one!
> 
> COMMENT and LEAVE FEEDBACK please! I want to know what you're thinking!

“I missed you.” Castiel starts as soon as he walks through the door of his and Dean’s apartment, and finds his mate curled up on the couch mindlessly watching the television screen. He’d texted before that he was on his way back home, but hadn’t reicveed any reply. He hadn’t been expecting Dean to be here, if he’s quite honest. He stops as soon as he’s said the words, eyes glazing over. He turns away, dropping the Impala keys into the dish on their coffee table. “I was sick all night. I couldn’t sleep,” he whispers. Dean’s breath catches, and he bites his lip. 

“Cas, I--”

“Don’t you have work today? I wasn’t expecting to see you until later,” Castiel says, fiddling with the fabric at the end of his shirt sleeve. There’s a loose thread there that it suddenly seems really important for Castiel to pull on.

“I called in. I… I couldn’t sleep either. As soon as you left I--” his eyes squeeze closed and he covers his face. “I threw up in the sink,” he admits, and his voice goes up a few octaves, like he’s going to cry. He doesn’t. “God, Cas, you… you weren’t even hard. I fucking raped you, you told me to stop and I didn’t, I…”

“No, Dean, that’s wrong. That’s wrong,” Castiel supplies quickly, reaching out and grabbing Dean’s hands, pulling them away from his face. He reveals bloodshot eyes and blotchy cheeks, and he’s quick to wrap Dean in a hug, squeezing his mate with all the strength he possesses. “God, I’m so angry at you right now, but you didn’t rape me. I wouldn’t be here if you had.”

“I called you a who- I called you a whore, Cas, I broke your trust…”

“Dean, I broke your trust! I cheated on you!” His voice breaks as he says it, but he plows on. “And I know you’re still angry at me for it. You have every right to be. But if we’re going to get through this…,” he takes a deep, stealing breath and squeezes Dean’s hands in his own. “And we are going to get through this,” he insists, “We need to communicate. You can’t just pretend everything is alright and then… Then start calling me names during sex. Because that was not okay. I think we can both agree on that.”

Dean nods, eyes still closed. There are fat tears rolling down his cheeks, and Castiel knows that if he were to open his eyes right now they would be bright red and bloodshot. “I’m sorry.”

“I am too. I never should have left you,” he sighs, smoothing a hand up over Dean’s neck and cupping his cheek. He thumbs away some tears, frowning, and stares at his husband's sad expression. He hates himself for knowing he’s the cause of it, but he resigns himself to making it better. He can fix this broken thing between himself and Dean. “I called Missouri on my way over here, left her a message about an emergency appointment. But right now I think you need some sleep.”

Dean nods. “Yeah, I… I’m tired,” he chuckles, but it comes out as more of a whimper, and Castiel nods in agreement.

“Yeah, tell me about it. Jimmy and I were up until five o’clock… Lucky for him he works from home, but I had to call in this morning,” Castiel stifles a yawn even as he explains everything to Dean, walking them both towards the master bedroom. He pauses at the door, unsure of whether or not he should go sleep in the guest room and give Dean some privacy, but Dean settles the question for him by forcefully tugging him through the doorway and towards the bed.

“They give you trouble for calling in?” Dean asks. He knows that the new principal of the school Castiel works at can be a real pain in the ass sometimes. Castiel shakes his head.

“No, Naomi was good about it. I suspect she doesn’t want to have to deal with any discrimination lawsuits,” he sighs, “Omega maternity leave is a really hot topic right now. The last thing the school district needs is for pregnant employees to complain about them to the press, and she knows it.”

“That’s good.” Dean nods, glancing at his mate as they both prepare to get back into the bed. He can see that the Omega still has one arm curled protectively around his stomach, even as he makes the bed, and he wonders what it must feel like to be in his husband’s shoes right now. He swallows thickly.

“You’re scared of me. Oh God, you’re my fucking mate and you’re scared of me.” He growls. He’s unable to keep the hurt, betrayed expression out of his voice, even though he looks miserable for it. He obviously feels immensely guilty over everything that happened last night. Castiel bristles, crossing his arms over his own chest in a mimic of Dean’s stance.

“I’m not scared of you.”

Dean isn’t buying it, mostly because Castiel still wreaks like fear and distress. The whole bedroom smells like burning rubber. “I’m not going to hurt you, Cas. I’m angry as hell, but I ain’t gonna hurt you,” he sits down on the bed, crossing his arms over his chest. “And I won’t hurt your kid, either.”

The silence that follows is deafening. There are no more tears-- none that Dean can see, anyway-- on Castiel’s face, but the Omega lets out a pitiful whimper and looks away. 

“You’ll send us away.” He whispers, finally, voice broken. Dean shakes his head, horrified realization of what his husband is thinking finally setting in.

“No, no Cas. Fuck…You think I would pull the same shit as what Jimmy’s mate did?” Dean snorts. “I wouldn’t ever-- what Amelia did was... that was sick, Cas. Archaic and cruel and I can’t believe you think I would...You know I don’t believe in the Old Laws. Just because she had the right to send Jimmy to that— that hospital doesn’t mean she ever should have, and I would never...” He trails off, swallowing the lump in his throat. Just thinking about the terrible things Castiel’s brother must have had to live through at that Omega Facility makes him want to vomit. “If I wanted to get rid of you, I would divorce you. I would never send you away to be locked up and… and tortured. I still love you Cas. Even if you don’t...” Dean’s voice cracks at the end of his sentence, and suddenly he finds himself with his arms full of Omega, Castiel’s messy dark hair stuck in his mouth. He closes his eyes and presses his nose to the top of his husband’s head, breathing in the sweet chocolate and ozone scent he’s always loved.

“Dean, I’m…,” Castiel gulps audibly, “You’re right, I am scared. I don’t know what… I don’t know how to fix this. I’m scared that we can’t fix this, even with the therapy and all of the… I’m really scared about what happened last night. I don’t want my scent to trigger you into some kind of...” Castiel trails off, throat bobbing as he struggles to keep himself from bursting into tears. “If you want a divorce, I’ll cooperate. I’ll do whatever you wa-ant…” Castiel hiccups, obviously fighting back a sob.

“I don’t want a divorce, Cas. I… God, I don’t know what I want either,” Dean sniffs hard, turning away to hide his face from Cas before he can start crying. His fists clench by his sides, and he feels completely overwhelmed by the weight of how unfair this whole situation is. He growls. “Dammit, Cas, I want to hurt you! I want to make you cry. I want to ruin you, I want to break your heart the same way you broke mine. Or… or at least, I-- That’s what I thought I wanted! And that— that scares the crap out of me, you know? And it hurts me too. Every time I look at you and think of what you did and of what I want to do, it breaks my freaking heart.” Dean doesn’t even seem to realize he is pacing back and forth, hands on top of his head and fingers tangled in his messy hair. “And what if what I did last night… What if it wasn’t a mistake? What if I really did hurt you on purpose? What if I do it again?” He whimpers, hiding his face behind his hands again. “I don’t want to hurt you, Cas. I just want to stop myself from hurting anymore.”

“You deserve better than me,” Castiel croaks without looking at Dean, arms wrapped around his belly again and eyes trained to the ground. The Alpha hums contemplatively and takes a step closer.

“Yeah, maybe I do,” he says. Castiel looks up at him, blue eyes blazing with pain and grief. “But I don’t want anyone else but you, Cas. I love you. I love you so much, and I don’t think I’m ever gonna stop. Even if it kills me.”

“Dean…”

“We can make this work, baby,” Dean steps forward, and after only a moment’s hesitation he reaches out and wraps his arms around Cas’s shoulders to pull him in for a hug. Castiel rests his head on his husband’s chest, listening to his steady heartbeat and letting his warm scent and body heat wrap around him. He nearly purrs, and his fingers clutch desperately at the fabric of Dean’s shirt, like if he lets go the Alpha might just disappear into thin air.

“I love you too, Dean. I love you so much. I don’t want to let us go.”

They crawls into bed, wrapped in each other’s arms. Dean falls asleep first, tears drying on his cheeks and labored breathing evening out until he’s fully relaxed and asleep. Castiel watches him for as long as he can before he drifts asleep as well, mind clouded with thoughts. This journey is going to be a hard one for both himself and Dean, but he thinks they’ve conquered the worst of their battle. He thinks that if they keep on like this, they can make it out of this together. Make it out stronger.

He’s glad that they talked. Like Jimmy said, they need to become better at communicating. And now that he knows Dean is just as afraid as he is… He finds some strange comfort in that. At least they are afraid together, and they can fight their demons together. He reaches out, faltering for a moment and letting his hand drop to the comforter before he can touch Dean’s face. But then he picks his hand up and pushes forward, gently carding his fingers through his husband’s soft hair and pushing it away from his face. His eyes are still puffy, evidence of all the tears he’s probably shed in the past few hours, but he looks peaceful while he sleeps.

Castiel falls asleep with his mate’s fresh scent in his nose, and doesn’t wake again until the late afternoon when Missouri’s returning phone call startles him from his slumber.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE COMMENT!!!!! AND HAVE A HAPPY HOLIDAY SEASON!


	8. Chapter 8

Dean’s hand is twitching.  He keeps fidgeting in his seat, tapping his fingers against his knee and digging his fingernails into the palm of his hand, as the wall clock quietly goes  _ tick, tick, tick  _ and he and Castiel wait for Missouri to see them in her office.  Castiel itches to reach out and take his husband’s hand, to comfort him, but Dean has sat three armchairs away from him and is refusing to look at him.

So they wait in silence.

At three o’clock sharp the door to Missouri’s office opens and an older couple steps out, the female Alpha’s hand resting low on her Omega mate’s back.  They smile at Dean and Castiel as they go, and as soon as they’ve both left the room Dean hops up and rushes into Missouri’s office.  At least he holds the door for Castiel, whose a little bigger and a little slower than Dean is, but he still won’t look in his husband’s eyes.

“Hello Dean and Castiel,” Missouri says without looking up from her computer screen.  But she’s smiling when she says, “I would say it’s good to see you two, but I understand there was a bad situation this morning and that’s what brings you here.”

Castiel takes a seat on the couch in the center of the room, sequestering himself to the corner cushion and tucking his chin into his palm.  “Uh… Yes.  I know I was brief in my phone call but this was…,” he swallows, looking up at Dean, who still hasn’t taken a seat.  He seems conflicted between taking the side armchair, or sharing the couch with Castiel.  Cas moves his hand and gentle pats the back of the couch, and when he does this Dean seems to sigh in relief and quickly takes a seat beside his mate.  So Dean is, pretty understandably, still worked up over what happened last night.  Missouri watches them with a curious expression on her face, arching a single perfectly groomed brow as she turns her full attention to the couple before her.

“I want to hear what happened,” she urges gently, then looks between them both, her gaze settling on Dean.  “From you, Mr. Winchester.”

Dean’s throat bobs, and he jabs his own thumb at his chest.  “Me?” he squeaks.  Missouri nods, and Dean huffs, shaking his head and looking down at his lap.  “Feels like elementary school in here…”

“Dean,” Castiel whispers, reaching out his left hand and grasping his mate’s elbow.  He strokes his thumb back and forth in an attempt to soothe him, but Dean pays him no mind, simply staring down at his lap.

“I got drunk last night,” he starts after a few long, silent moments.  He keeps his voice steady, speaking matter-of-factly and not looking up at anybody.  “Cas… We’ve been sleeping together again.  Like you told us to.  And I can’t…,” he swallows, staring down at his fingers as he picks at his cuticles.  “It’s been really hard.  I’m sorry I didn’t talk to you, Cas, but I--” he looks up at his mate, his eyes wet.  He blinks hard.  “How was I supposed to tell you that I hate your scent?  When you’ve been working so hard, I felt so… so guilty, so I…”

“Castiel’s heart hurts.  It feels like a slap in the face for his mate to admit that his scent makes Dean sick, but Castiel knows it’s his own fault.  He knows none of this would have happened if he had never slept with Benny in the first place.  He stifles a whimper, squeezing Dean’s elbow and leaning a little closer to him.

“I can work harder, Dean.  You don’t need to feel guilty.  This is my cross to bear, and I… I can get scent blockers.  I can take neutralizers or something, that will make me smell like like--”

“No, Cas.” Dean snaps, jaw ticking.  They fall into an awkward silence, then, and Missouri’s eyes flicker between them both before she speaks again.

“Dean, you said that Castiel is working hard to make things better.  And he’s willing to wear scent blockers to help with your dysphoria… So why don’t you want him to do that?”

“I don’t…,” Dean huffs, fists clenching, nails digging into the flesh of his palms.  “It’s not fair, is all. He shouldn’t have to cover up his own scent in his own home just because it makes me feel bad about myself,” he scrubs at his face, and that’s when castiel realizes his mate is crying.  He gives Dean’s elbow another squeeze.  “Remindin’ me of what a failure for an Alpha I’ve been.”

“Dean--”

“What would make you say that?” Missouri asks softly, holding up her finger to silence Castiel from speaking.  Dean shakes his head, eyes trained on the floor again, and a single tear roll down the bridge of his nose and drips into his lap.  He sniffs hard.  

“I wasn’t there for him,” Dean says quietly,” then lifts his eyes to glance at his husband.  Castiel is staring at Dean with wide eyes.  “YOu were right Cas, when you yelled at me in the car.  I… I wasn’t there for you.  I was avoiding you.  I was scared that we couldn’t get preg-pregnant and I was avoiding you so I didn’t have to confront it.” He lets out a quiet sob.  “I drove you away and made you think I didn’t love you.  I made you cheat on me and now I’m gonna do the same shit all over again because I can’t even deal with a little thing like your scent changing!  And, I mean, maybe your brother is right.  Maybe I am a danger to you and we should get a divorce.  Just so that I don’t… I can’t hurt you again…”

“Dean, that’s not--”

“Did you hurt Castiel, Dean?”

“Yes!  I fucking raped him, Missouri!” Dean shouts, springing up from his seat and pacing a few feet away from the couch.  He tugs at his own hair, and the room begins to fill with the scent of burnt sugar.  Castiel quickly shakes his head.

“No, Dean, that is not what happened.  We talked about this, remember?” He hops up, too, coming to stand in front of his Alpha.  He reaches out with steady hands and stops Dean from moving, holding him in place and looking up at him with pleading eyes.  “Dean, please listen to me.  Yes, you hurt me last night.  You didn’t rape me; you just went a little too hard and you called me some names.  But I forgave you the moment I walked out that door, because I know you’re a good man and you didn’t mean it.  And you stopped when I asked you to.  And as for…,” he swallows, wanting to look away, but he makes sure to hold steady eye contact with Dean now, “me cheating on you?  That was on me.  Yes, I felt unloved.  But I was wrong, and there were other things I should have done, instead of getting drunk and sleeping with Benny.  And yeah, you weren't there and you weren't talking and that's all on you but I... I could have left that party and gone to the office and been with you instead… Forced you to talk to me.  And I’m sorry that I didn’t do that,” Castiel finally lets Dean go, taking two steps backward and letting his hands fall limp by his sides.  He grits his teeth.  “But I’m not letting you go, Dean.  And I’m not going to let us get a divorce, not while we still can work this out.  Not when we still love each other and we want to make this better.”

Dean sniffs, wiping his leaking nose on the back of his hand.  He swallows.  “The… scent neutralizers.  Will they be safe for the baby?” He whispers.  Castiel’s eyes widen in surprise, that question having been the last that he expected from Dean.  At her desk, Missouri makes a quiet, contemplative noise and jots something down in her notebook.

“Uhh… I can talk to my obstetrician.  He’ll prescribe me a brand that’s safe,” he says, offering Dean a tentative smile and asking, “so does that mean we’re good?”

Dean chuckles dryly, knuckling at his eyes.  “I’m still sorry.”

“I still forgive you,” Castiel says, and the self-conscious smile he gives Dean erupts into a full blown grin when the Alpha leans forward and plants a gentle, sweet kiss on his lips.  He licks into his mouth, and even though Castiel can taste the bitter-sweet salt of Dean’s tears on his lips he kisses back with full force, gripping at the lapels of his husband’s jacket and groaning into his mouth.  Missouri loudly claps her hands and they break apart, both blushing, as she gives them a stern look.

“Save it for the bedroom, boys, not my office.  Now, you have fifteen minutes left, but you two seem to have everything under control for the most part.  Still communicating at home?”   


“We try,” Dean answers.  Castiel’s hand finds his, and their fingers tangle together.

“It can be hard some days.  We don’t usually talk about feelings,” he mutters.  Dean nudges Castiel’s shoulder.

“Cas always gets shy.”

“And then you clam up,” Castiel banters back.  Dean shrugs; he knows its true.  He’s working on it.

“But we try to eat dinner together every night.  Some days I have to stay at the office late, but… I don’t take as much overtime as I was before,” he bites his lips, giving Castiel’s hand a squeeze.  “Being at home is more important.”

Missouri smiles.  “Good.  And how’s the rest of the family doing?”

“Not as well,” Castiel answers, at the same time Dean replies, “Fine and dandy.”  Missouri’s eyebrows shoot up, and Dean swivels to look at Castiel, surprised.

“What’s the matter with the family?” He asks.  Castiel frowns.

“Um… Sam hasn’t spoken to me in nearly three weeks, Dean.  And Jimmy was angry enough last night that I had to stop him from driving back to our apartment and slitting your throat.  They’re all rooting for us to get a divorce,” he says, pulling his and away from Dean’s and crossing it over his chest.  “Especially Sam, admit it.”

“That’s not true,” Dean argues back.  “I know Sam isn’t talking to you right now but he… he just needs time to think, sometimes.  But I’ve talked to him, and he doesn’t want us to get a divorce!  He’s just worried about what Benny can legally claim once your baby is--"

“He wanted you to force me to get an abortion, Dean,” Castiel snaps.  Dean grits his teeth.

“And why are you looking at me like that when you say it?  Huh?” His jaw ticks, “I shut that down the minute he said it to me.  Your problem is that you’re listening to your brother too much,” he huffs, nose scrunching up as he mutters, “Talk about somebody who’s rooting for a divorce…”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Castiel narrows his eyes.  Missouri clears her throat, trying to interrupt their bickering, but Dean ignores her and carries on.

“I’m just saying that your brother… I don’t know!  Maybe it’s just... his own personal experiences have inclined him to have certain opinions about Alphas, and he’s taking out his hatred on me.  He never liked me, you know!”

“That’s not true. You and Jimmy have always gotten along!  What are you trying to say?  You don’t like my brother?” Castiel growls, face turning red at the mention of his brother.  Missouri clears his throat again, louder, and even claps her hands.  Dean and castiel both look up, turning their glares away from each other and onto her.

“I didn’t realize that was going to be such a bombshell question,” she says, “I’m sorry.  But you guys… you’re fighting because you obviously haven’t been communicating about this!  This whole situation… it’s something we call  _ triangulation  _ in psychology.  It’s a manipulation tactic where one person communicates indirectly through another person, through gossip or hear-say or broken messages, and the result is one big toxic mess.  It happens in families all the time, and this…,” she winces.  “This seems like you need to work on fixing it, pronto, or else it’s going to blow up in your faces way worse than you just blew up in each others’.”

Missouri pauses, taking a deep breath, and looks towards the couple waiting for them to speak.  Castiel goes first.  “I… uh, I can call Sam and see if he’s meet me for lunch.  So I can talk to him directly about what happened at his birthday.”

“I’ll text Jimmy,” Dean offers, scratching the back of his neck.  “You’re right, he and I do get along.  Maybe I’ll take him out for a beer or something,” he lets his head droop, staring at his and Castiel’s shoes.  “Don’t tell him what I said about him not liking Alphas.  I didn’t mean it.”

Castiel’s eyebrows pop up.  “Didn’t you?”

“No, Cas, I… I mean I did, but it’s not a bad thing.  He has every right to be intimidated by Alphas, after what his mate did to him.  ANd you  _ know  _ I hate Amelia for what she did to him.  And you know I wouldn’t do that to you, right?” He reaches out, grasping Castiel’s hands in his own and squeezing hard.  Castiel jerks his head in a nod.

“Of course, Dean.  But it’s not that my brother is scared of Alphas… He’s scared of the power they hold.  And maybe…,” he chews his lip, “Maybe if you and him talk one-on-one, you can clear it up for him what your intentions are towards me.  That you  _ don’t  _ want to lock me up or force me to do anything I don’t want to.”

Missouri looks between the two of them, smiling.  This is definitely one of the couples she sees that she knows will work it out.  She clears her throat and they both look up.  She smiles. “So, how’s the baby doing?”


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what was it marvin gaye said about sexual healing?
> 
> **chapter warnings: NSFW**

_ >>we need to talk abt stuff. Text me when you can meet up _

Dean texts the message off to Benny while he and Cas are on their way home from Missouri’s office.  Castiel is driving, humming quietly along to the radio and tapping out a beat on the steering wheel.

“That Jimmy?” Cas asks without looking up, “Tell him I left my jacket at his house last night, see if we can swing by to pick it up.”

“Will do,” Dean answers, pulling up his messages with Jimmy.  His fingers hover over the keyboard, and he swallows thickly.  He doesn’t even know what he’s supposed to say to his brother-in-law.  He stares down at the screen for a full minute before he lifts his head, blinking at Cas.  “Jesus, what do I even say to him?”

“What?” Castiel glances away from the road, at Dean’s face, then quickly back on the highway in front of him.  Dean chews his bottom lip between his teeth nervously.

“I mean that… Was he really so mad at me yesterday he wanted to come kill me?” He asks.  “How am I supposed to…  Won’t it be awkward for me to text him out of the blue like that? After last night?”

Castiel shrugs.  “Just tell him what I said and ask if we can stop by.  He’s not going to hold a grudge,” he reaches out, grabbing Dean’s wrist and stroking his thumb back and forth along the pulse point.  Dean is typing now, tapping out a message to Jimmy, but he doesn’t seem happy about it.  Castiel doesn’t need to look to know the expression on Dean’s face is a miserable one; the car is filling with the smell of burnt sugar by the second, and it ties Castiel’s stomach up in knots.  “Please stop,” he murmurs.  Dean jerks his head up and stares at Cas.

“Stop what?”

“Feeling guilty.  I mean, we just talked about all this with Missouri.  I forgave you, Dean--”

“Well maybe you forgave but I won’t forget,” Dean answers hotly, fists clenched in his lap, nails scratching his phone screen.  “You know, it’s same as with you.  You’re still guilty about Benny, even though… even though I’ve forgiven you.”

“Dean,” Castiel breathes harshly, and he swerves the Impala off to the side of the road, braking on the curb and turning in his seat to stare at Dean.  Their eyes lock for a long few seconds, maybe even minutes.  Time seems to slow as Castiel’s takes in his mate’s facial expression.  Dean is blushing, but there’s a sincere look in his glistening eyes, and then it’s he who is gasping when Castiel lunges over the seat and attaches himself to Dean’s mouth.  The Alpha groans, hands flying up to grip Castiel’s hips as they kiss, bodies close and warm.

“Cas, baby,” Dean whispers, pawing desperately at his husband’s shirt at the same time he fumbles to unbuckle himself from his seat.  He succeeds in doing so just as Cas unbuckles his belt, sliding a hand beneath his trousers and firmly grasping him below the belt.  Dean keens, cock twitching and filling in his pants, and he slides his hands under Cas’s shirt and drags his nails bluntly over his torso and back.

“Move over,” Castiel grunts, shimmying his way out of his jeans, butt pressing up against the dashboard as his head bumps the roof the car.  Dean hisses sympathetically and shifts so that his knees are spread wide, allowing Castiel to fit in the space between them more comfortably, their crotches slotting together and cocks brushing through their pants.

“You’re okay, baby,” Dean whispers, nails scratching down Castiel’s back, into his pants and below the waistband of his underwear.  His drags his finger along the crack of Castiel’s ass, feeling the slick there that’s leaking from his husband’s hole.  He smiles and dips just the tip of his finger in, watching the Omega keen and smiling against his neck.  He kisses him there and swirls his finger around, pushing deeper inside, coaxing sweet moans from Castiel’s lips.  “My beautiful mate.  You know I love you so much,” he whispers against his skin.  Castiel sobs, squirming, and his fingers dig bruises into Dean’s shoulders as he grips ahold of him.

“Dean, i need you.  It’s been--”

“Too long,” Dean gasps, mouthing along his neck, finding his mating bite and sucking against the skin there.  Castiel cries out again and bows his back, pushing his crotch against Dean’s and grinding.  He fumbles with his free hand to undo their pants, release them both, and when their cocks finally push together it’s like heaven on earth.  Dean moans, his lips breaking away from Castiel’s neck as he throws his head back and gasps for air. “Cas.   _ Caas _ , your hands are so-- fuck, fuck,” he curses, eyes slipping closed, and he whines low in his throat as Castiel begins to jack them both together.  His knot is already forming at the base of his cock, and the car is full of their mingled scents.  And it feels, to Dean at least, like they are coming together as mates for the very first time all over again.

It feels like he’s reclaiming his Omega.

With a growl, Dean surges forward, pinning Castiel against the dashboard and hooking his arms underneath Castiel’s legs.  It’s a bit of a feat, considering that Castiel is heavier than he used to be and the Impala is pretty cramped with two grown men trying to have sex in it, but their manage.  Dean flips them, turns them horizontally so that they are lying across the bench seat rather than sitting up in in, and it takes little time at all for him to completely discard of both Castiel’s and his own pants after that.

Laid bare beneath him, Castiel looks just as beautiful as ever.  His shirt is rucked up, revealing the bump of his stomach and his swollen tits, and then down below the belt his hard cock rests against the swell of his belly, twitching and pulsing at every touch of his mate;s hands on his body.  At this angle, Dean can just see the glistening of slick against Castiel’s thighs, and he knows that between his cheeks it must be dripping from his hole like a faucet.  He just wants to bury his face between them and suck his mate dry.

He dips down and kisses Castiel, reaching a hand between them and tugging at his mate’s erect cock.  Precum glistens at the crown, and Dean swipes his thumb along the slit, bringing his wet finger back up to his lips and sucking.  Castiel groans, eyes rolling back in his head at the sight, and with a smirk Dean leans down to kiss him again, sharing the taste.  With his other hand he grasps his own cock, lining his body up to Castiel’s and slowly easing inside of his Omega.

It doesn’t take long at all for his knot to swell.  It was already half-inflated when they began, and with Castiel’s slick hole fluttering and clenching around him, it doesn’t take long at all.  His Omega milks him as he cums, and they topple togetehr into a sweaty pile once he’s finished.  Dean reaches down between them, fondling Castiel’s penis and stroking him until he too cums with a silent cry, his arms thrown around Dean’s back in a tight embrace.

“God, I love you,” Dean whispers, leaning in to kiss Castiel’s cheeks, tasting salty tears on his Omega’s face when he does.  He looks up at Cas, whose smiling, lazily combing his fingers back and forth through Dean’s hair.

“I love you too, Dean,” he breathes.  He nuzzles his nose against his mate’s neck, seeking out the place where he left his own mark on Dean’s skin and nipping at it.  He chuckles to himself.  “God, I made your mark big when I bit you,” he murmurs.  Dean chuckles.

“Yeah, you were a gaudy little fucker then,” he trails his fingers back and forth over Castiel’s side, feeling goosebumps rise from the cold air of the Impala’s cabin.  When he looks up at the windows he sees that they’re all fogged up, the only clear spot an impression of Castiel’s ass cheeks against the passenger side windshield.  He turns his face and hides his grin against Castiel’s neck.  “Now you’re all modest and shit, preppy little school teacher…”

“Hmm, well,” Castiel mumbles, trailing kisses over Dean’s neck all around the old scar of his bite.  “Maybe not too modest,” he says, and then opens his mouth, sinking his incisors into Dean’s neck.  He groans, hips jerking, and his knot swells up and he cums again inside of Castiel, breathing heavily.  When he’s finally come down from his second orgasm he looks down at Cas with wide eyes, a smirk growing on his lips.

“Oh, baby, two can play at that game,” he laughs, and throws himself forward, latching his mouth onto Castiel’s neck and biting.  The Omega screams, laughing and squirming, arms tightening around Dean’s back.  It’s only a loud tapping at the window that interrupts them both from their post-coital euphoria, and when Dean reaches around his Omega’s body to roll the window down he finds himself blinking up at a young Beta police officer.

“Listen kids, this is-- uh,” he pauses, tugging at the brim of his hat and doing a double-take when he sees not a teenage couple, but a decidedly middle-aged Dean and Castiel lying naked, tangled in the front seat.  He clears his throat.  “Sir,” he starts, “uhm… you’re parked illegally here.  You need to move your vehicle or else it will be towed.  Plus, uhm… it’s dangerous to park on the side of the highway…”

“Sorry sir,” Dean answers, licking his lips.  “Rut hit early.  The next exit is ours though, we’ll be sure to make it home before the next flare,” he flashes a genuine smile at the officer, who gives him and then Castiel a suspicious glance.  Castiel offers him an equally awkward smile, raising one hand in an aborted waving gesture.  The police officer grumbles something under his breath that sounds an awfully lot like an expletive, and then stomps off back to his car.

Dean and Castiel break into a fit of giggles, and roll the window closed.  They have a good twenty minutes left of Dean’s knot tying them together, and they aren’t letting anything ruin the high of their first successful mating in over two months.

They pull into Jimmu’s driveway a little more than half an hour later, retucking shirts and fixing hair as they climb out of the car and walk up the pathway to Castiel’s twin’s house.  Dean takes trepidation steps up the pathway, allowing Castiel to lead the way and keeping a cautious two steps behind his husband.  Castiel would roll his eyes and call Dean overdramatic, but he’s also seen his brother Jimmy when he’s angry, and it is kind of a scary sight to see somebody so happy-go-lucky become so serious and deadly in a matter of seconds.

All of Dean’s fears prove for naught when Jimmy answers the door with a cheerful smile and a kiss on the cheek for both his brother and for Deean.  And then, as soon as he lets them in and closes the door behind them, his hand flies to cover his nose and he begins to gasp for air, coughing.

“Dudes!  The fuck-- you smell like you just came off the set of a porno movie,” he hacks again, stepping back a few feet and grabbing a can of febreeze from the cabinet in the foyer.  He points it at Dean and Cas and begins to spray; Castiel rolls his eyes and leaps forward, snatching the can from his brother’s hands before he can accidentally shoot them in the eyes with it.

“You’re being overdramatic,” Castiel snaps defensively, and his cheeks color bright crimson when Jimmy plugs his nose with two fingers and turns it up to the sky.

“Brother, you smell like a barn animal.  I know he’s young and virile, but you can’t give in to your Alpha’s sexual whims willy-nilly!  Otherwise you’ll spoil him, and he’ll never learn.”

It’s Dean’s turn to blush now, stuffing his hands into his pockets and turning away to hide the bright red tint of his cheeks.  Castiel scoffs and reaches out, wrapping an arm around his mate’s side and giving him a comforting squeeze.

“Jimmy, he’s not a dog and I’m not training him.  Sex happens when it happens, we’re all adults, and it’s no big deal.  Stop being so childish,” he huffs, then places a hand on his stomach as it emits a loud, ferocious growling noise.  He raises his eyebrows to his brother.  “Now, do you have anything to eat around here?  I’m starved,” he asks, and without even waiting for Jimmy’s reply he glides out of the room and off towards the kitchen.  Jimmy lets out a low chuckle, leaning against the wall and crossing his arms over his chest.  He looks Dean up and down with an assessing glare.

“You okay, Dean?” He finally asks, voice quiet and much more gentle than either of them had been expecting.  Dean blinks up at him, surprised, and Jimmy shrugs.  “You’re stinking up my foyer with the smell of your grief, so you must have something on your mind.”

Dean sucks his bottom lip between his teeth and shakes his head.  “Just, uh… sorry.  For everything that happened last night.  I know Cas kept you up pretty late and that was my fault, so…” He swallows, Adam’s apple bobbing in his throat, and he doesn’t need to look up to know that Jimmy is scrutinizing him.  He can feel those piercing, judgemental eyes on him like a rabbit feels itself being stalked by an eagle.  He reaches his hand up and scratches the back of his neck, wetting his lips.  “And I’m sorry for scaring him, too,” he says, more quietly.  “Sorry for hurting him.  And I’m sorry if that made you worry, too, because I know you and--” he stops talking, takes a deep breath and shakes his head to clear his head and sort his thoughts.  “I just wanted to let you know that I love him.  And if I ever hurt him like that again, you need to promise you’ll take him away from me.  Because I can’t live with myself if I--”

Dean is cut off when Jimmy suddenly steps forward and wraps his arms around Dean’s torso, pulling him into a tight hug and practically squeezing the pain and guilt right out of him.  He sighs heavily and sinks into the embrace, patting his brother-in-law on his back and resting his chin on his shoulder.  He closes his eyes, and relaxes, and then Jimmy finally pulls away.  He gives him a sincere look.

“You can stop apologizing.  I’m sorry too, for what my brother did to you.  You don’t deserve all this.”

“I forgive him,” Dean admits to Jimmy, and the Omega smiles softly up at him.

“Forgiveness is just half of the journey.  Now you’ve got to work with him to heal the relationship and make it stronger,” he says.  Dean smiles and laughs, rolling his eyes.

“Yeah, thanks  _ Dr. Novak _ .  Hey, I think we’re doin’ the healing part just fine.  If you smell what I mean,” he says, and he wiggles his eyebrows.  Jimmy makes an overdramatized gagging noise in the back of his throat.

“Yeah, remind me to bleach everything you guys touch after you leave,” he mumbles, and Dean laughs, eyes crinkling at the corners.  Castiel wanders back into the foyer then, a half-eaten peanut butter and jelly sandwich held in his hand and a smile on his face.  He looks between Jimmy and Dean, his eyes lighting up happily.

“Everything good here?” He asks.  Dean nods, and Jimmy grins, reaching out to clap his brother on the shoulder.

“All fine, baby bro.  Did you find your jacket?  I think you left it on the couch.”

“Yeah, I got it,” he says, lifting the arm that isn’t carrying the peanut butter and jelly sandwich to reveal a dark blue hoodie hanging on his arm.  “SO I guess we’re ready to go, if you guys are done talking,” he says, looking between his brother and his mate again, eyes searching.  Jimmy waves his hand.

“Nah, Dean and I are good.  But why don’t you two stay for a while?  Game’s coming on in an hour or two… Can I get a beer for you, Dean?” he asks, socking his brother-in-law in the arm and turning toward the kitchen before Dean can even think to articulate a response.  Castiel reaches out and grabs Dean’s hand, lacing their fingers together, and answers for his husband.

“He’d love a beer, Jim.  Make it Lite, though,” he calls, tugging Dean towards the living room.  Dean grumbles a little, and Castiel checks him with his hip, smiling up at him and planting a gentle kiss to his jaw.  “You know you’ve gotta watch your carbs, honey.”

Dean huffs, and fumbles for a comeback.  “Yeah, well… You’ve gotta watch  _ your  _ carbs,” he snaps.  Castile looks up at him with raised eyebrows, and Dean smiles sheepishly, leaning in to capture his lips in a slow, sweet kiss.  “I love you, babe.”

Castiel smiles ip at him dazedly.  “Love you too, De.”

“Yeah, yeah, that’s enough from your two, lovebirds,” Jimmy announces as he comes back into the room, thrusting a beer at Dean’s chest and pushing his way between his brother and his brother’s mate.  Castiel glares at him halfheartedly, huffing as Jimmy pushes him and Dean to opposite ends of the couch and then gracelessly flops down into the middle seat.  He grins at them both, thrusting a bowl of chips into castiel’s chest and turning on the television.  “It’s game time!”


	10. Chapter 10

The next weekend comes along slow and fast at the same time.  Every individual day drags by at a snail’s pace, but by the time Friday comes along it’s almost unexpected to Castiel.  He leaves his fifth graders on Friday afternoon with a Jeopardy review for their history exam on Monday morning, and a reminder that their science experiments are due this coming Friday.

He picks up Chinese takeout for dinner on the way home because he’s been craving egg rolls, and Dean is always a willing participant in his cravings.  Especially when they involve pan asian food.  He greets his husband at home with a peck on the cheek, and goes about setting up their dinner on the living room coffee table.  He doesn’t bother even trying to get them to go to the dining room, because there’s a new Top Gear episode out and he knows that Dean will be glued to the television for the rest of the night.

“You going into work tomorrow?” Castiel asks as he dishes two heaping forkfuls of pork lo mein onto a plate, loading it with dumplings, white rice and an eggroll before he passes it to Dean.  He reaches out to take the food from his husband and he sighs.

“Thanks, babe.  And yeah, but just in the morning.  This bitch Talbot’s been riding my secretary’s ass about her precious prius taking too long in the shop, and I need to be the one to do this job.” He rolls his eyes, annoyed just by the idea of going into work tomorrow to work on that girl’s car.  “But I should be done before twelve,” he reaches out, rubbing his hand along the side of Castiel’s thigh, “maybe you can meet me there, I’ll take you out for lunch?”

Castiel nods, taking a big bite of dumpling and placing his hand over Dean’s, twining their fingers.  “I was actually thinking of going out for brunch with Sam tomorrow.  I called him during my lunch break… I got his voicemail but he texted me on my way home and we’re gonna meet up.”

“Oh,” Dean smiles, “Right.  That’s nice, you two…” he trails off, rubbing at Castiel’s thigh, and brings a forkful of lo mein to his mouth.  He continues talking even as he chews.  “Sammy’s a little dense sometimes.  He’s got his way of thinkin’ and he always thinks he’s right.” He swallows, reaching for a soy sauce packet and ripping it open over a cardboard box full of white rice.  He hums at the salty taste.  “He’ll come around once you show him you mean what you say.  He cares about you just as much as he cares about me.”

Castiel doesn’t exactly believe Dean’s words, but he nods along with what he’s saying and brings his husband’s hand up to kiss. After things with Jimmy went so well last Sunday, of course Dean is going to be optimistic about Castiel’s brunch dat with Sam.  But how… how is Castiel supposed to approach his situation with the same kind of certainty?  All that Dean did was call him some names during sex.  It didn’t mean anything more than a bruise to Cas’s ego and a late night at Jimmy’s house.

_ It meant a lot more than that and you know it _ .  That horrible night seven days ago had been a wakeup call for both Dean and himself about the state of their relationship.  Their trust and their communication; their future together.  But… it was still different with Sam than it was with Jimmy.  Or, at least, it feels different.  He’s starting to make himself sick over it, so he stuffs a dumpling in his mouth and hopes Dean won’t say anything about his scent suddenly going sour.  Dean smiles and digs into his rice without another thought, and Castiel is left to stew over his half-eaten dumpling about his impending visit with his brother-in-law.

──────⊱◈◈◈⊰──────

Castiel takes a deep breath, and reaches for the door handle of the little cafe he and Sam decided on for their brunch date.   _ High Street Cafe & Gastro-Lounge _ .  Okay.  At least it wasn’t Biggerson’s.

He can see Sam sitting in the restaurant already, long legs crossed under the table and a menu in his hand.  Shit, a part of him really wanted to turn around and run.  He places a hand on his belly, rubbing back and forth slowly.  It’s becoming a habit now that the baby’s been  growing, and he is getting bigger every day.  Castiel takes a deep breath and closes his eyes.  He doesn’t want his baby to grow up without an uncle.  Especially when they already don’t have a father.

Plus, he misses his best friend.  There’s only so much you can confide in your brother, twin or not.

He powers on, and opens the door.  A bell tinkles overhead and he sees Sam look up; he smiles and lifts his hand, wiggling his fingers and stepping towards the table.  A waiter hands him a menu as he walks in, and he thanks him quickly before taking the final few steps towards Sam’s table in the center of the cafe. 

“Hey,” he says by way of greeting, hands twitching at his sides.  Sam pushes his chair back and stands, looking Castiel up and down.  He takes a deep breath, right hand resting low on his belly and his other hand going straight to the back of his neck, scratching there.  Sam huffs, but Castiel can’t tell if its an annoyed or an amused huff, and he opens his mouth, nervous that if he talks he might just cry instead.  “I, uh… Sam, I’ve--”

“Cas,” Sam says, and he steps forward, wrapping his brother-in-law in a tight embrace.  It’s a far cry from how they interacted the last time they saw each other, and Cas can’t help but tense up in Sam’s arms.  He pulls back, a nervous frown on his face, and gestures for Cas to sit down.  He takes his own seat without blinking, pulling his chair in, ignoring the way it scrapes against the tiled floor.  “I ordered you some… some orange juice?” He says it like a question, like he doesn’t even know if he ordered it or not.  “Is that okay?”

“That’s… fine,” Cas smiles tightly.  Sam’s mouth opens like he’s going to say something but instead he and Cas just stare at each other, and it feels like verbal constipation.  Castiel thinks he might even be able to smell it.  “Sam, listen-”

“Cas, I was wrong,” Sam rushes out and Castiel stops short, his eyebrows creasing as he frowns.  “I was so, so wrong and I’ve been… I’m sorry that I’ve been avoiding you but I was just,” he sighs and squeezes his eyes tight, shaking his head.  “I’ve been all mixed up over this.  I don’t know what to think.”

Castiel blinks.  “You don’t know what to  _ think _ ?  All you do is think, Sam.” He fidgets and looks down at his lap, and that’s just when the waiter comes over with two glasses, one of water and the other orange juice.  He lets them know that the first course for brunch will be served shortly, and the moves on to another table.  Castiel reaches out and grasps his drink but makes no move to sip it, eyes trained on the ice cubes floating around inside.  “God, you must hate me,” he mutters.

“I did at first,” Sam says, and Castiel looks up in a shock, nearly tipping over his glass.  He picks it up instead and brings it to his lips, swallowing down some large gulps full as he and Sam lock eyes across the table.  Sam sighs.  “Look man, this is…” he shakes his head, “it’s hard.  For me.  Dean.   _ You _ .  And even harder for you, because you’ve got a baby to think about.”  he pauses, lips quirking a little.  He shakes his head.  “Not that I haven’t been thinking of the baby, too.  Every time I’m in the store I see a onesie and I think of you.” Sam looks sad.  “I miss you, Cas.”

“I miss you too, Sam.  And I want us to…,” his Adam’s apple bobs in his throat.  He wipes his face with the back of his hand when he feels tears pricking at the edges of his eyes.  “I know that I’m going to need to earn your trust back.  I’ve been working…  _ so hard  _ with Dean.  And I’m going to work just as hard with you, Sam.” He wipes his face, hot tears rolling down his cheeks hard and fast.  He sniffs.  “Be--because I know you can--can’t trust me any--anymo-- _ ore _ , but I…”

“Cas, stop it!” Sam whispers, leaning over the table and grabbing ahold of Cas’s hands.  “Stop it now.  You’re…” he glances around, lowering his voice even more.  “If I can’t trust you, then you can’t trust me.  That bullshit I pulled back at the bar?  Throwing down with Benny and… and saying that Dean should make you get an abortion?” His face is pale as he talks, like just remembering that day is making him ill.  

“I never should have said that.  I will  _ never _ be able to make that up to you.  To your… your baby.  God, Cas, you’re glowing.” He laughs, giving Cas’s hands a squeeze.  There are tears even swimming in  _ his  _ eyes.  “Do you know the gender?” he asks.  “Are you thinking names yet?”

Castiel cracks a smile, albeit a wet one, and he squeezes Sam’s hand back.  “No, but… Soon.” He wets his lips, and it’s just then that the waiter arrives carrying two heaping plates of fruit and nut spinach salad and freshly baked croissants.  They both sit back, no longer holding hands, but Sam smiles at him across the table and Castiel smiles back.  “I have some sonograms on my phone,” his cheeks turn pink as he says it, reaching for his pocket.  “If you want to see?”

Sam grins, stabbing a forkful of leafy greens, along with a slice of cheese and some blueberries.  He shoves it into his mouth, loudly announcing around his mouthful, “Yeah, of course!”

Time heals all wounds, even slowly, and this one is going to take some time.  But still, he and Sam are definitely moving along in the process of healing. And that’s good news.  

“ _ Uagh _ ,” Castiel gasps as he turns to reach for his phone in his coat pocket, jerking forward in his seat, his hands flying to his lower stomach.  There’s a pinching sensation, like somebody is sticking a pin into one of his internal orgasms, and he lets out a gasping breath as water trickles from between his legs, running down along his thighs and soaking through his boxers, his pants.  “Sam--” he calls, but the Alpha is already up, his plate clattering to the floor as he bumps the table in his haste to get to Castiel’s side.

“Sam, I can’t be…” he gasps, clutching at his belly, and Sam shushes him, reaching down to feel at his thigh.  He pulls his hand away wet, fingers tacky with blood and clear liquid.  He places a hand on the back of Cas’s neck, supportive, and let’s his fingers dig into his shoulder to ground them both.

“Someone Call 911!”

──────⊱◈◈◈⊰──────

Dean has his head and half of his body stuck under Bela Talbot’s Prius when he hears a wrapping against the hood of the car.  With a frown he turns his head, spotting a bear of ruddy work boots standing a few feet away from him, right next to the car.  He wheels himself out from under her hood, blinking in surprise when he sees Benny Lafitte standing in front of him.

“Benny,” he scrambles to sit up, not wanting to be at a position of disadvantage to the other Alpha, and nearly skids himself right back under the car in his haste to sit up on the creeper.  “What are you doing here?” He asks, begrudgingly accepting his old friend’s hand to help him up from the floor.

“You called,” he answers gruffly, frowning, and eyes Dean up and down.  “I’m kinda hopin’ you didn’t call me out here just to bash my head in, though,” he adds, eyeing the lug wrench in Dean’s hand somewhat suspiciously.  Dean rolls his eyes and drops it into his toolbox, which is sitting next to the Prius, and shoos Benny away from the expensive car.  He grabs a grease rag off of a nearby shelf, wiping his hands.

“Don’t act like you’re threatened by me,” he huffs, crossing his arms over his chest.  “If you were, you wouldn’t’ve shown up at Cas’s school begging him to leave me for you.”

Benny’s eyebrows shoot up in surprise, but then he schools his features again like regular.  “He told you about that, huh?”  Dean grits his teeth and keeps in mind that a criminal record is not something he needs in his life.

“He tells me everything.”

“I suppose so,” Benny mutters, glaring down at his hand, which is smudged with grease from when he helped Dean up off the floor.  He wipes it off on his jeans.  “So’s that what you called me here for?  You want to threaten me, tell me how much you hate me?”

Dean narrows his eyes at the other man.  “I want you to stay away from Cas.  For good.”

“What’s that even mean?” Benny narrows his eyes at Dean, tilts his head.  “I haven’t seen cas since that day at his school.  He made it clear he doesn’t want nothin’ to do with me.  So if you think he’s sneakin’ around with me or something...,” Benny snorts, “Well, I’ll tell you, it ain’t  _ me _ .  Maybe he doesn’t tell you as much as you thought?”

“Listen, you bastard,” Dean snarls , eyes growing red at the corners as he steps towards benny.   He stands there, just a hair’s breadth away from his former best friend, seething, but keeps control of himself enough not to lunge for his neck.  “I don’t know what you  _ think _ about Cas’ and mine relationship, but that’s none of your business now.  And I didn’t call you here to disrespect my mate.”

“Hey, I ain’t disrespecting him,” benny smirks, hands going up in the air.  “He’s the father of  _ my baby _ , after all.”

Dean glares.  “What the hell happened to us, Benny?  Huh?” he asks, turning away so that he doesn’t have to look at the snide expression on the other Alpha’s face.  “What did I ever do to you?”

Benny is silent, and Dean turns back to him, shaking his head.  “Why Cas, man?  I mean, why-- you were my best friend!  You knew we were trying to get pregnant and you  _ still _ \--” He drags his hands through his hair.  “And I know Cas was drunk.  He’s a freakin’ lightweight, the guy, but  _ you _ ,” he points at Benny, eyes glistening.  “It takes a hell of a lot more than a few beers to get  _ you  _ drunk.  So you  _ knew  _ what you were doing.”

“Yeah,  and so did you,” Benny growls.  Dean stops short, staring, and Benny carries on.  “You knew I had a thing for Castiel, all the way back in college.  We took every class together.  You only even knew him through me, and you  _ stole him _ from me.  You took him from me and you don’t even treat him right.  You don’t love him.  Not like I do!”

“Dude, what the hell are you talking about?” Dean snaps, growing annoyed now.  “You never said anything once about wanting to be with Cas. And you had Andrea in college!”

“Yeah, and look how that turned out,” he snarls harshly.  Dean snorts.

“Brother, just ‘cause you fucked things up with your Omega doesn’t mean you’ve got any right to mine.  Andrea left you ‘cause you drink too much and that ain’t anybody’s problem but your own.” He crosses his arms over his chest again, steeling his jaw.  “And I don’t give a shit about how you felt about Cas in college, whatever you really did have a crush on him or not, because he fell in love with  _ me.   _ We built a life  _ together _ .”  he pauses, scoffing, and looks away.  “You stood next to me at our wedding, you fucker.  You gave us your blessing.”

Benny’s jaw clenches.  “People change their minds sometimes.”

“Yeah, well, that’s what we’re trying to avoid,” Dean snaps, and he turns away, stalking into his office.  “Benny, I need you to sign this for me.  It’s a document,” he calls from his office, then walks back into the room, setting some papers down on the hood of the Prius, along with a pen.  He thinks better of himself, then, and picks them up to move both to a table behind them.  “Waving your rights to the baby.  And to Cas,” he slaps the pen down on top, turning to Benny and giving him a hard look.  Benny stares at him like he has three heads.

“I ain’t signing that.”

“Not right now, of course.  We need a lawyer present,” he whisp out his cell phone.  “SHall I call Sam?”

Benny scoffs.  “I ain’t signing shit for you or that brother of yours.  That baby is important to me.  I ain’t letting you take him away from me.” he snaps, eyes darkening as he crosses his arms over his chest.  Dean growls.

“I won’t let you touch my family, Lafitte.”

“That baby isn’t yours, Winchester.”

Dean’s phone vibrates in his hand.  He glances down at it, seeing Sam’s name pop up on the Caller I.D. and he huffs at the irony.  He snaps the phone open, hitting the speaker button.

“Sam, go for Dean,” he says, glaring at Benny over the top of the phone.  Benny rolls his eyes, but they both stop moving when they hear the panic in Sam’s voice.

“Dean, we’re on our way to the hospital now.  Something’s going on with Cas, his water broke…”

“Hospital, what?  Sammy!” Dean scrambles to turn the speaker phone off, bringing the phone up to his ear and gasping into the receiver.  Benny has already turned away and is running across the shop, towards the exit.  Dean knows he’s heading straight for his car.  His hisses into the receiver.  “Sam, he’s not-- it’s only been like three months!  He can’t go into labor now,” he says.

“I don’t know, Dean.  I’m not a doctor, I--” he pauses, and Dean hears a horn blare.  “I’m following behind the ambulance now, just meet me at the hospital.  Hurry, okay?”

“Okay.  Okay,”  Dean rushes, zipping around the workshop, searching for his keys.  Even when Sam hangs up he can’t think to lower the phone from his ear, and he runs around like a chicken without a head for another full minute before he finally finds his keys-- sitting on the key hook by the front door of the shop.  He doesn’t even bother turning the lights out, just locks the door and then runs out to his car.  Benny’s truck is nowhere to be seen, and he’s sure the Alpha is already halfway to the hospital.  He rolls his eyes and growls at the thought of another Alpha finding his mate before he does, when he needs him.

He makes it to the hospital in record time.  He also runs four and a half red lights on his way, and is fairly certain that he’ll be getting a few red light camera tickets in the mail.  It doesn’t matter.

“Castiel Winchester,” he gasps at the reception desk.  The orderly sitting at the desk gives him a bored look, her nails clicking at the keyboard in front of her.  “He’s in Room 312.  Are you the father?” She asks, her eyes not moving from the computer screen,  Dean sputters for a minute, and he doesn’t see his brother come skidding around the corner from the waiting room, or Benny rushing in behind him.

“The father?  The…” he takes a deep breath.  “Yeah, I am.  Dean Winchester.  That’s my mate, with my… My pup,” he gasps.  The nurse nods, typing the information Dean says into the computer.  She nods and smiles up at him politely. “Alright, I just need to see some ID and your can head in to see him. His doctor will give you more info once you head in.”

Dean jerks his head in a nod.  “Yeah.  Yeah, alright,” he turns, catching sight of Benny in his peripheral vision.  He ignores him, stepping towards his brother instead, who wraps him tight in a hug and pats his back. 

“Come on, Dean. He was asking for you.”

With one last glance back at Benny, Dean jerks his head in a nod and follows his brother down the hallway.  It’s time for him to be with his mate.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't mean for this to happen, I swear...

Sam walks with Dean to Castiel’s hospital room, but at the door he stays back and shakes his head.  He tells Dean to go in, and he’ll meet up with them later once they’ve had the chance to see the doctor together.  He nods, and without another second’s hesitation he opens the door and steps inside.

“Cas,” he calls, taking three long strides towards the side of his bed where the Omega is lying, staring at the popcorn ceiling.  When he hears Dean’s voice he quickly turns to look at his mate, dashing tears from his eyes and offering him a wobbly smile.

“Hey,” Dean says softly, reaching out and squeezing Cas’s hand with his. He leans forward and kisses his face, nuzzling his cheek and pressing his nose to Cas’s temple.  He’s sweaty, his hair hanging into his face and blue eyes wide, filled with fear and anxiety, but other than that he smells like Dean’s mate and that’s all the comfort Dean needs right now.  To know that his mate is here, and he’s okay for now, and he’s not going anywhere.  

“What happened?  Are you okay?” He asks, pulling back and giving Cas a quick assessment up and down. 

He doesn’t  _look_ like he’s in labor.  But what even does an Omega look like when they’re in labor anyway?  Dean remembers one ten minute clip he was forced to watch in tenth grade health class, of a female Omega, red faced and screaming as she gave birth.  There had been… a lot of blood. And fluids.  It had made Dean sicker than even he was that time he stole his dad’s chewing tobacco and accidentally swallowed a wad of the shit.  He doesn’t want to think about it.

“My water broke while I was in the restaurant with Sam.  There was, umm-- some blood.  And the doctor…,” tears well up in his eyes again and he sniffs hard, rubbing at his eyes with the palm of his hand until they are red and puffy.  Dean reaches out and grabs his hand to stop him, squeezing his fingers and pulling his hand up to his mouth for a kiss.  Castiel whimpers.  “The nurse took some blood for a test, the doc--doctor said he’ll be right back to do a pelvis exam.  Dean--”

“It’s alright, Cas.  It’s okay.  Are you, like… feeling contractions?  Are you in pain?” He sucks at his bottom lip and nervously worries it between his teeth.  Castiel chokes on another sob, shaking his head vehemently.

“No!  No, I’m not feeling contractions or… or any of that!  They keep asking, Dean, they think I might lose the baby and I can’t…,” he quakes, his free hand moving down to his rounded stomach, fingers digging into the gown between his legs, and Dean figures his husband doesn’t even realize that he’s holding himself.  Cas is a nervous mess right now, and Dean is at a loss for what to do.  He reaches out and strokes his fingers along the side of Castiel’s face, leaning in again and pressing his forehead to Cas’s temple.

“Baby…,” he sighs, closing his eyes and turning Cas’s face so that they are forehead to forehead now, “we will get through this, I promise,” he whispers.  “Just breathe with me, now,”

“Dean, I can’t lose my baby,” Castiel sobs, hiccuping.  “Jimmy had problems with his pregnancy.  He lost Claire at fourteen weeks, and  _I’m at_ fourteen weeks, Dean!  This could be--”

The door swings open and a young male doctor strides inside, clipboard under his arm and a small frown on his face.  “Castiel Winchester,” he reads off of the chart.  “My name is Dr. Milton,” he pauses, eyes flickering towards the Omega lying flat on the bed and then over to Dean.  “And you must be the Alpha father,” he steps forward and shakes Dean’s hand efficiently as the Alpha nods.  He can feel Castiel’s eyes boring into the side of his face, but he ignores it, and when the doctor begins to speak they both turn their attention back to him without another thought.  He has now set the chart down and is headed to the corner of the room, where there is a tall scrub sink on the wall.  “Well, Castiel, there is some good news.  We ran your blood results and your hCG levels are high enough that we can rule out a miscarriage.” He finishes washing his hands, and the nurse who came in with him uses a sterile towel to dry his hands as he makes his way back to the bed.  He sits down on a chair on the opposite side of Castiel from Dean, looking critically down at the Omega.  

“That’s good, baby,” Dean gives Cas’s hand a squeeze.  “No miscarriage is good.”

The doctor flashes him a small smile.  “Well yes, it is.  But Castiel’s hCG levels are actually a bit too high,” he looks away from Dean and back down at his patient.  “We’re worried that you are losing amniotic fluid.  Now,” he stands up, “I’m going to need to give you a pelvis exam now, and we’re going to apply some fundal pressure.  It will be slightly uncomfortable for you, but your baby will stay safe.  Is that alright?”

Castiel nods, and Dean glances nervously between the doctor and his mate as the nurse comes over and begins to roll up Castiel’s hospital down.  She exposes his legs and his belly to the doctor, bending his legs at the knee and spreading them, and when Dean looks down between his mate’s legs he can see that his thighs are smeared with fluid and blood.  It makes his stomach roll and he turns away, burying his nose against Cas’s neck and taking even breaths.

“Are you okay, baby?” he whispers, and Castiel nods, even as the doctor leans over him and begins to press down on his pregnant belly, applying fundal pressure.  All of a sudden he cries out in pain, his fingers tightening with bruising pressure around Dean’s own hand, and there’s a gush of liquid from his hole that stains the bed sheets below him with light pink liquid.  The doctor frowns and moves his hands over Castiel’s stomach, applying pressure again, and the same thing happens.

“Hey, stop it you’re hurting--”

“Nurse,” the doctor says, stepping away, and the nurse quickly folds Castiel’s gown back down again to cover him up.  Castiel whimpers and turns his head to hide his face in Dean’s neck, and the Alpha can see now that there’s more sweat broken out on his face.  The doctor frowns.   “Alright, Castiel.  I have a diagnosis.  I believe you have a condition we call PPROM.  Preterm premature rupturing of the membranes.” He pauses, and Castiel and Dean both blink up at him, waiting for more information.  “This occurs when your membranes rupture-- or, your water breaks-- at any time prior to 37 weeks gestation.  Now… you are approximately 14 weeks pregnant at this point.  This is a bit early on for PPROM to occur, but you indicated in your chart that pregnancy complications run in the family…?”

“My brother,” Castiel answers, voice shaking as he tries to hold back tears.  “He miscarried at 14 weeks.  Dr. Milton, is there… is my baby going to die?”

The doctor flashes him a small smile.  “Not it if we can help it, Castiel.  PPROM is a chronic condition, but it is treatable.  As long as your baby is alive they will continue to produce amniotic fluid to replace that which you have lost.  Now,” he walks over to where he set the chart down earlier, picking it up and beginning to scribble something on the pages.  “What we worry about most with PPROM is two things.  Infection, and early labor.  Are you under a lot of stress, Castiel?”

Castiel tenses in Dean’s arm, and the Alpha swallows, watching his husband’s expression crumple into something miserable and guilty.  He opens his mouth and then closes it again, his eyes flickering over to Dean before he finally jerks his head in a nod.  “Yes, I am.  This hasn’t been an…,” he swallows thickly, “an easy pregnancy, for our family.”

The doctor nods, looking between Dean and Castiel with a frown.  “I see.  Well, from now on I need you taking it easy.  Do you work?”

“Yes, I’m a fifth grade teacher.”

“Alright,” he nods, humming thoughtfully, “well, I assume you have a desk.  Try to stay off your feet as much as possible during the day.  Rest when you’re at home, and keep the stress to a minimum.  Right now, the most important thing for you to focus on is helping your baby grow.”

Castiel nods.  “And what about preventing infection?” He asks.  The doctor snaps his fingers and pulls a prescription pad out of his pocket.

“Two weeks of antibiotics should do it.  You’re not allergic to any medications, correct?"

“Right,” Castiel answers softly.  The doctor scribbles something out on his prescription pad, then tears it off and hands it to Castiel.  He gives it to Dean, who quickly tucks the paper into his pocket for safe keeping, pressing a gentle kiss to Castiel’s sweaty forehead as he does so.  Castiel flashes him a small smile, looking up at his mate with tired but fond eyes, and then clears his throat and turns back to look at the doctor.

“And, uh… One more thing?” His cheeks color with a small blush, and Dean wonders what he’s going to ask just as Castiel says, “and what about sex?  Is sex off the table?"

Dr. Milton laughs.  “You’ve got your priorities straight, huh?” He teases with a wink, and though Dean feels his hackles rise he manages not to even growl, just sending the doctor a glare from across the room.  Right now, everything is about Castiel and making sure he gets better.  The last thing he needs is a jealous mate going around growling at his doctors.  “Sex is perfectly fine.  Just nothing too acrobatic,” he snickers, “and maybe just take it easy for a few days?  This whole incident has been very traumatic to your body.  You might feel tender or sore in the next couple of days… Don’t worry about that.  If you start bleeding or oozing anything, you call your doctor right away or come back down here.  Got it?”

Castiel nods, as does Dean.

“You got it, doc.  Getting Cas back on his feet is priority numero uno right now.” he gives Cas’s hand another squeeze, but the Omega doesn’t pay him any attention.  He’s looking up at the doctor with tears in his eyes.

“Is there any way… I mean, I was hoping I might be able to… see my baby?” he whispers, and he sounds so broken up that Dean just wants to cry.  “I just need to make sure…”

“Of course,” the doctor nods in agreement.  “A big part of this is state of mind, Castiel.  If you are confident and happy, healthy, living as much of a stress free life as you can, your baby will be healthy and stress free too.  I’ll leave the ultrasound to the nurse, but it was great meeting both of you.  Make sure you get that prescription filled, and come back if there are any problems at all.” He pauses, smiling.  “PPROM sounds scary, but you have a good chance of making it full term and delivering a healthy baby if you keep yourself healthy.  Alright?”

“Yes, sir,” Castiel whispers, smiling, and with one last cursory glance between Dean and Castiel he breezes out the door and on to help some other patient.  Dean rubs his hand up and down Castiel’s arm, kissing his neck softly and nuzzling his scent glands.  He smells like oranges, and for the first time since Castiel told him he was pregnant, Dean doesn’t mind it.  In fact he takes comfort in the smell, and he closes his eyes and lets himself relax with his Omega’s scent surrounding him.

The nurse who had helped Dr. Milton with the pelvic exam leaves, but she returns shortly lugging a big machine with a VCR screen and some expensive-looking medical equipment attached to it.

“If you could roll your dress up, that would be great,” the nurse says as she begins to set up the machine, busy pressing buttons and plugging things in.  Castiel stretches, reaching for the end of the gown, but Dean quickly stands and does it for him.  He pushes the fabric up over his husband’s rounded stomach, fingers dancing over the pale skin, and he presses a gentle, chaste kiss to Castiel’s knee before returning to his chair beside his husband’s bed.

“I love you,” he whispers.  Castiel smiles, turning his head and pressing a sweet kiss to his Alpha’s lips.

“I love you too,” he answers, fingers twisting with Dean’s again.  He squeezes his hand.  “Thank you for being here.”

Dean takes a deep breath, trying to articulate his thoughts so he can respond, but then the nurse exclaims that they are ready and generously smears clear jelly all over Castiel’s belly, then presses the ultrasound wand against his skin and moves it around.  The machine goes  _wub wub wub_ , and Dean can’t help but find himself entranced with the images dancing on the screen.  He thinks he’s looking at something wonderful, and then… then a real image appears on the screen, of a tiny black and white figure with a body and a head and arms, and Dean gasps sharply in surprise.  Castiel smiles and sinks back into the hospital pillows, relaxed as he watches the baby’s tiny arm move back and forth on the screen.

The nurse chuckles.  “Looks like she’s waving at you.”

“She?” Castiel asks, lips spreading into a gummy smile, and he sits up again so he can get a better look at the screen.  The nurse’s eyes widen.

“Oh, you didn’t know?  I hope I didn’t spoil a surprise, or…”

“No, no,” Castiel laughs, waving her concerns off.  “I just didn’t know.  My next ob/gyn appointment is in three days, I was going to find out then…,” he trails off, staring at the screen in wonder for another few seconds before he turns back to Dean, beaming.  “Dean, a little girl,” he whispers, a hand flying down to his stomach.  Dean smiles back, reaching out to cover Cas’s hand with his own, rubbing back and forth over his belly.

“Our baby girl,” he whispers, and Cas’s eyes widen in shock.  He reels back a little bit from Dean, mouth working but no words coming out.  Realizing that the parents are no longer watching her or the screen, the nurse pulls the wand away from Cas’s belly and hits the print button on the machine, to capture the image of Castiel’s daughter waving from inside his belly.

“You… our?” he swallows, mouth suddenly dry.  “Our baby?”

Dean licks his lips, looking down and away from castiel.  “Well, I was hoping we could…” he bites his lip.  “Because, I gotta tell you Cas, I don’t care if Benny is her real dad.  I’m gonna be the one who raises her, feeds her and clothes her and goes to her soccer games and…,” he swallows, his lips twitching up into a small smile, “and loves her.  I mean, all I could think about on my way over here was that the baby might not make it and just that thought… I was so scared, Cas.  And I realized that I… I love her already,” he takes a deep breath, leaning forward and cupping Cas’s cheek.  “I love you so much.  I just want us to be a family again.”

“Dean,” he whispers, and then he throws himself forward and wraps his Alpha up in a hug, peppering his face with kisses and gasping out exclamations of love.  Dean’s hands move slowly, one curling around Castiel’s back, and the other coming to rest protectively over his bump, palm and fingers stretched flat over the tight skin of his pregnant belly.  Biological father or not, Dean’s daughter was growing in there.  And he loved her so much already, without ever having met her, that it physically hurt to think of her being taken away.

 ──────⊱◈◈◈⊰────── 

“I _need_ to see him!” His brother’s voice echoes from the hallway and into Castiel’s small hospital room.  He and Dean both look up just in time for the door to fling open and for Jimmy to storm in, hair sticking up wildly and shirt misbuttoned, a panicked expression on his flush face as he rushes into the room and towards the bed.  Castiel sits up in the bed and reaches out to catch his brother as he flings himself into the Omega’s arms; Dean stands, stepping away from the bed and going to reassure the nurse that yes, Jimmy is obviously family and its okay for him to be here right now.

“ _Cas_ ,” Jimmy gasps, his voice and his hands trembling as he reaches out to touch his brother’s face, then moves his hands down to Cas’s shoulders and grips him tight.  “Cas, I was so worried.  Are you… what happened?  What’s going on with you?” He chokes on his words, and Castiel reaches out to grasp Jimmy’s hands, giving his fingers a comforting squeeze.

“Everything is okay, Jimmy.  The baby is fine, I’m fine.  Jimmy,” he speaks soft and slow, squeezing his brother’s shoulders and drawing his attention back to Castiel’s face.  “Take deep breaths, Jimmy.  Do you need to see a doctor?  Do you have your Prozac on you?”

“I’m okay, I’m okay, I…,” Jimmy shakes his head, looking Castiel’s body up and down before he squeezes his eyes closed tight.  A single tear rolls across his cheek and down the bridge of his nose.  “I feel like I’m going to vibrate out of my own skin.  I was so worried, Cas,” he cries.  Castiel reaches out and brushes his brother’s tears away with the back of his hand, frowning and concerned.  His brother draws in a shaky breath and hiccups, opening his eyes and looking down at Castiel with renewed concern.  “Are you sure about the baby…?”

“I have a condition called PPROM,” Castiel explains, squeezing his brother’s fingers harder when he sees the panicked look return to his face.  “It’s treatable, and the doctor says the baby will most likely be born at full term as long as I keep taking care of myself.  He gave me some antibiotics to prevent an infection”

Jimmy frowns.  “Is there anything we can do to help?” He asks.  “Are you taking prenatal vitamins?  Keeping your stress levels down?”

“Of course I’m taking prenatal vitamins,” Castiel responds, suppressing the urge to roll his eyes at his brother’s questioning.  “And the stress…,” he glances over at Dean, who is still standing in the doorway of the room now talking quietly to his own brother.  “We’re working on it.  Things are getting better.”

Jimmy jerks his head a few times, nodding, and then he lets out a sigh that seems to make his entire body deflate from relief.  He leans down and lets his forehead rest against Cas’s shoulder and he draws in a few ragged breaths as he lets himself calm down.  Castiel reaches out and wraps his arms around his brother, rubbing and patting him on the back.

“All I could think about was that you would end up like me,” Jimmy whimpers.  Castiel digs his fingers into his brother’s shoulder blades, rubbing his back harder and trying to ease out the tension from his shoulders.  Jimmy whines.  “I threw up twice on my way here.”

“Jimmy,” Castiel huffs, shaking his head.  “I’m fine, brother.  But you…” he takes Jimmy by the shoulders and pushes him away, so that his brother is hovering over the bed in front of him and he can get a good look at his face.  “You want to talk about stress management?  You look terrible, Jim.”

“I told you I just threw up,” Jimmy mutters under his breath, eyes flitting away from Castiel’s face and focusing on a lamp on the other side of the room.

“Are you taking your meds?” Castiel asks.  Jimmy’s lips turn down into a frown and he opens his mouth to ready a reply, but then seems to think better of himself and clenches his jaw shut.  He looks back at Castiel with a hard look in his eyes.

“What is Benny Lafitte doing sitting in the waiting room?” He whispers, glancing swiftly at Dean as if to check that he isn’t eavesdropping on their conversation.  Lucky for him, Dean is still pretty engrossed in his conversation with Sam and doesn’t seem to be paying them any attention at all.  “Did you _text him_ , Cas?” He hisses.  Castiel’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion and he shakes his head at his brother, sitting up a little bit more and then calling out to his mate.

“Dean?” He calls.  The Alpha swiftly turns around and looks at him expectantly, stepping towards the bed and opening his mouth to ask what his mate needs.  Castiel cuts him off before he can form a word, still frowning.  “Jimmy says Benny is here.  In the waiting room.”

The expression on Dean’s face crumbles, and for just a few moments he looks like the kid who got caught with their hand stuck in the cookie jar.  But it’s only for a fleeting moment, and then the guilty expression disappears from his face and is replaced by an upset frown.  Castiel bristles, fists clenched as he crosses his arms over his chest and lifts his eyebrows at his husband.

“You knew he was here?” He asks.  Dean swallows and scratches sheepishly at the back of his neck, not responding, and Castiel scowls.  “Why is he here at all?  I don’t want to see him,” he snaps, his hands traveling down to rest low on the swell of his pregnant belly.

“I was with him when Sam called me,” Dean admits after a beat, looking away from his husband.  “I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want you to stress out about it.” He pauses and looks up at his husband, only to see the brooding, skeptical look on his husband’s face.  It’s matched by Jimmy’s angry expression, and he really does not need a duplicate of his husband angrily glaring at him right now.  As if one pissed off Castiel wasn’t bad enough, already; he had to go and marry a wrathful Omega with an equally wrathful, pissed off twin brother.

“Okay, that was a lie,” Dean huffs, stepping closer to the bed and sinking down into the chair beside it.  He groans, placing his head in his hands and then dragging his fingers through his hair.  “I didn’t want to tell you because I didn’t want you to stop me.  I was trying to… to get him to sign custody papers.  Relinquishing his rights to the baby.”

Castiel’s cheeks turn red, and his stomach turns.  He swallows, turning his face away from his husband and staring at the wall.  He feels his brother’s hand on his shoulder but he shrugs him off, batting his hand away and shaking his head.

“I can’t… I can’t deal with this right now,” he whispers, voice shaking.  He turns his head to glare at his husband.  “I just need you to… to go, now.  I want to be alone.”

“Cas--” Dean starts, and Jimmy looks like he’s going to say something too, and Castiel is just overwhelmed.

“All of you, please.  I need to be alone--”

“Come on, guys,” Sam, surprisingly, is the one who speaks up form the doorway, spreading his arms and beckoning to his brother and his brother-in-law.  “He needs to be alone right now.  Let’s go get coffee or something.”

Dean glares at his brother, but stands anyway and takes a step away from the bed.  Jimmy gives Castiel’s hand one last squeeze as he stands as well, walking towards Sam at the door.  Dean glances back at his husband, feeling sick at the idea of leaving him alone in his room.  He chews his lip.

“Do you want me to get you anything to eat while we’re down there, Cas--?”

“Dean,” Sam says from the doorway.  With a frustrated huff and another glare directed at his brother, Dean finally turns and follows he and Jimmy out of the room.  Cas never replies to his question, anyway, feeling too queasy to even contemplate food at the moment.  He turns over on his side, arm curling protectively around his belly, and stares angrily at the wall.

How on earth would Dean think that this is okay?  He knows that Dean’s actions are only a reflection of his fears; he’s scared that Benny will try to take him away, or try to take their baby.  And considering how Dean just told him that he loves the baby and considers it his own, it’s clear that Dean’s actions were taken out of love and concern.  He just wants Castiel to be safe.  He wants their relationship to be safe.

But still, it feels like Dean is making his choices for him.  It feels like Dean is trying to control him; force him to decide between Benny and Dean and the baby.  Or is that dramatic of him to say?  Castiel feels like he should be allowed to make his own decisions about the relationship benny has with his baby.

 _No_ , Castiel thinks.   _OUR baby.  Dean said that the baby was ours.  He said that he wants to be the baby’s father and doesn’t care about biology._

There’s another way to look at this, and Castiel hates that these bitter, evil thoughts are creeping into his head.  Maybe he’s been hanging out with Jimmy too much and he’s become paranoid.  But what if it’s true?  What if this is just the beginning of Dean’s possessive behavior over him and the baby?  What if forcing Benny to sign over custody of the baby-- without consulting or even informing Castiel first, mind-- is just the beginning of Dean controlling his life?  What if _Dean_ wants to take the baby away from _him_ ?  What if Dean takes his baby and divorces him, or worse-- sends him away to some Omega hospital where he’s mistreated and abused and _raped_ and--

“Cas?” The door props open and Sam knocks gently against the wood.  Castiel sniffles and turns, blinking at Sam through his tears and quickly trying to wipe his eyes to hide the fact he’s been crying.  Sam frowns and closes the door behind him, striding towards the bed and sitting down apprehensively at the foot of the bed.  Castile shifts, moving to sit up, but Sam reaches out and pats his leg to stop him.  “It’s alright, man.  You don’t have to move for me if you’re comfortable.”

Castiel huffs, wiping his eyes.  “Not comfortable.  ‘M back hurts and my nose’s all stuffed up, and I…,” he swallows, shaking his head.  He falls silent again and Sam sighs softly.

“Cas… You know, this is my fault.  I was the one who suggested getting Benny to sign off his rights to the baby--”

“Behind my back?” Castiel snaps, turning his head and staring at Sam.  The Alpha’s cheeks color, and despite his ludicrous size he seems to wither under Castiel’s glare.

“Uh… No.  That was-- that was Dean.  But you know he didn’t mean anything by it.”

Castiel sniffs.  He rubs at his eyes and frowns at the white hospital sheets in front of him.  He can’t hold back the whimper that escapes his mouth.  “I’m trying so hard, Sam.  We’re trying so hard to heal, and Dean says he forgives me… but if he can’t even _trust me_ to tell me he wants Benny to relinquish custody…,” Castiel scoffs, squeezing his eyes closed and feeling tears drip down his cheeks.  “How can we ever heal like that?  And how can _I_ ever trust _him_?”

Sam chews his lips.  “Dean is pretty bad at communicating, that’s true.”

Castiel snorts.  “Understatement,” he mutters.  There’s a long, pregnant silence between them before Castiel finally speaks again.  “Jimmy would say he’s being controlling.  It was a… a knotheaded thing to do.” It makes Castiel sick to use that Alpha slur, let alone directed at his own husband, but it seems fitting.  It’s true enough.

“Cas…,” Sam huffs, and it sounds like he’s about to argue with Castiel, and he just doesn’t want to deal with that right now.  He turns to face his brother-in-law, scowling.

“Sam, do you think I want Benny to take my baby away from me?  Do you think i even-- I even want this baby to _be_ Benny’s?” He hisses, tears welling up in his eyes.  “This baby is supposed to be Dean’s.  We were trying for _years_ to get pregnant, and then one mistake of a night with Benny and I…,” he swallows, shaking his head.  “I was an idiot.  And I hurt Dean a lot.  But that doesn’t give him the right to make this decision for me and the baby to just… write Benny out of our lives.” He bites his lip, feeling tears roll hot down his cheeks as he shakes his head.  Sam is staring at him with wide eyes, but he carries on.  “That’s not his decision to make, Sam!”

Sam frowns.  “Legally, Cas… if Benny doesn’t relinquish his rights, he could sue for custody of the child.  He could sue for mating rights to _you_ , Cas, it could void your marriage contract with Dean…”

“I know that,” Castiel says quickly, looking away.  “And I don’t even want Benny to have parental rights.  I think he’s gone off the deep end and I don’t want him anywhere near my daughter, but… But that’s my decision to make!  It’s not a decision for Dean to make and then lie to me about!” Castiel growls.  “He doesn’t have that right, Sam.”

Sam looks stricken, and he slowly nods at Castiel’s words, reaching out to touch his leg gently.  He rubs his thumb back and forth over Castiel’s ankle through the blanket, chewing his lips nervously.

“I agree with you, Cas.  But, Dean… he lied because he’s scared.  Can’t you see it?”  He asks, voice soft.  “He’s terrified.  He’s scared that you’re going to leave him or-- worse-- that you’ll be forcibly taken from him by Benny.  You can’t tell me you don’t see that, man.”

“Of course I see it.  We’ve talked about it, Sam.  We talk about it almost every day,” Castiel frowns.  “I don’t know what else I can tell him, if he’s still scared and he still can’t trust me.  If he really can’t… then he’s been lying to me.  Because he can’t say that he forgives me and then not trust me at all to be loyal to him!” He looks down.  “I’m scared too, Sam.  And you can tell him that.  He scared me today.”

“He’s only human.” Sam says, frowning.  Castiel scoffs.

“So am I.”

Castiel stares back at Sam, and they hold each others’ gazes for almost a full minute before Sam nods, standing up and leaning over the side of the bed.  He wraps an arm around Castiel’s side and presses a soft kiss to his cheek.  “I’m glad you’re okay, Cas.”  Then he pulls away, walking over to the door and placing his hand on the handle.  “Can I tell Dean you’re ready to see him?  I can tell him you need some more time.”

Castiel takes a deep breath, shaking his head.  “Send him in.  We need to talk.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MORE ANGST! Guys, I wish I could say I'm sorry. Alas, I'm just as much of a drama addict as I know you guys are. SO here it is.  
> PLEASE COMMENT! TELL ME _E V E R YTHING_ YOU THINK.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, yes. I am going to be that annoying person who takes down their update a day later and then reposts a revised version.
> 
> But this one is so much better and I am much more confident in it than I was in the first post. Which... I know you all have said it was fine, but I just couldn't get behind it... I only want to post my best here, and that chapter was far from my best. I hope you all enjoy this chapter.
> 
> UPDATE: This chapter has been consolodated with what was previosuly Chapter 14

Castiel doesn’t need to wait long at all before the door knob rattles and Dean sweeps into the room, a frown on his face and a cup of coffee clutched tight in his right hand.  Castiel props himself up and crosses his arms over his belly, watching his husband with narrowed eyes as he steps closer to the bed, reaching back with his left hand to dig something out of his pocket.  It’s a candy bar: a Butterfinger.  Castiel’s favorite.  He tosses it onto the bed right beside Castiel’s hand, and he greedily reaches out to pick it up and peel it open.  He never did get to eat his lunch, after all.

“I can tell the nurse to bring you some food, if you want.  You should be eating more than just a candy bar.”

“They’re going to release me in another hour or two.  As soon as the AFP and Estriol tests come back, the nurse told me.  We can get something to eat then,” he says in a solemn tone, turning his face away from his husband as he munches on the Butterfinger.  “They’ll charge us an arm and a leg if I ask to eat here.”

“The money doesn’t matter if you’re hungry,” Dean sighs, settling into the armchair beside Castiel’s bed and setting his coffee down on the nightstand.  Castiel whips his head around and glares at his husband, who immediately reels backward and throws his hands up in the air as if in surrender, palms flat and fingers spread.  “Alright, fine.  No hospital food, I get it.”

Castiel can’t help but snort, shaking his head and muttering, “Yeah, you _get it_.”

Dean’s eyebrows furrow and he puts his hands down, letting his palms settle on his thighs.  He leans forward again.  Castiel can feel his Alpha’s eyes boring into the back of his head, yet he refuses to turn and acknowledge him as he begins to speak.  

“I was just trying to protect you, Cas,” he says quietly, yet firm.  “Benny’s got ulterior motives; he’s going to fight for this baby and cause a whole legal circus if we don’t do something about it now.  Nip this in the bud before it gets any crazier than it already is.”

Castiel frowns, slowly turning to look back at Dean.  His eyes have narrowed into slits and he tilts his head to the side, confused.  “Crazier than it already is?  As far as I’m concerned nothing exceptionally crazy has happened…,” he pauses as Dean loudly scoffs, throwing himself back dramatically in his chair and turning his face away from Castiel.  “What?” He snaps.  “What are you huffing and puffing about?”

Dean shakes his head.  “Nothing.  Nothing, it’s just-- you don’t think this situation is crazy.  You don’t think anything is wrong right now-- you’re in the goddamn hospital, Cas, you’re pregnant with my _best friend_ ’s baby and you’re pissed off at me for trying to protect you from being _taken_ _away_ by another Alpha!  You don’t think that’s crazy?”

Castiel looks curiously at Dean.  “I’m not pissed off at you for trying to get Benny to waive his rights, Dean!  Do you think I want him take the baby away?”

Dean’s nostrils flare and he glares at the plain white wall.  There’s a hand-drawn photo hanging up there, of a small girl holding hands with a nurse, shouting “Thank you!” into a text bubble above their heads.  “I don’t know what to think really.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“I don’t know, Cas!” Dean cries, throwing his hands up in the air and propelling himself from his seat.  He begins to pace, hands resting on his hips and jaw ticking in agitation.  “You’re the one who went and slept with him in the first place!  How do I know that maybe some-- some small part of you doesn’t _want_ him to invoke his legal rights to the baby.  Maybe you want him to sue for mating rights!”

Castiel growls.  “So this is what you’re going to spin this as,” he scoffs, an incredulous look on his face.  “That I somehow _desire_ him and that’s why I’m angry about you going behind my back?  You know what Dean?  You got me!” he cries, sarcasm oozing from his tone as he throws his hands up in the air and then slaps them back down on his legs.  “You figured me out!”

“Stop it,” Dean snaps.  Castiel’s nostrils flare in anger, yet he listens to Dean and settles against the pillows on his bed.  He takes a deep, shaky breath.

“I cheated on you, Dean.  I made a terrible mistake and I cheated.  I can’t take that back.  I can only try to make it up to you through my actions… But my mistakes don’t give you a free pass to do whatever the hell you want.  To-- to lie to me, keep secrets from me.  We talked about this, De.  No more lies.  That’s what Missouri said and that’s what we both agreed.”

Dean is silent, still staring at the wall.  It looks like he’s only reading the patient notices that are pinned to the wall, ignoring his mate, but Castiel knows that he’s listening and that he’s heard every word he says.  He bites his lips and waits for a response, but when none comes he carries on.

“You had no right to go and talk to Benny without telling me first.  You don’t have the right to take away my daughter’s biological father from her, especially without asking me first.”

“She doesn’t need him,” Dean snaps.  Castiel’s chest constricts with anxiety, but he powers through it.

“You don’t have the right to make that decision!” He demands fervently.  Dean’s back goes rigid, fists clenched, but when Castiel might have expected to hear a growl instead he’s surprised by the piteous whimper that leaves Dean’s lips.  He turns to face Castiel finally, face red and hands held out in front of himself desperately.

“What would you have me _do_ , Cas?  You and your baby are my family.  I’m your _Alpha_.  It’s my job to protect you!”

“You could still protect us without lying to me,” Castiel says, moving his hand slowly over his belly.  “You didn’t even talk to me before you just made the decision to interdict Benny from my life.  And just because you’re my _Alpha_ doesn’t give you that right,” Castiel’s voice quivers a little as he says it.  “I won’t let any Alpha take control of my life, Dean.  Even one that I love.  Even-- even _you_.”

Dean’s breath hitches and he stops, entire body freezing as he stares at Castiel in shock.  “I wasn’t…,” he starts, then stops again, looking down at his shoes and frowning.  He crosses his arms over his chest.  “I wasn’t trying to control you, Cas.”

“Then why didn’t you tell me what you were doing?  You acted like a freaking despot-- went and made a life altering decision on my behalf without even consulting me first.” Castiel’s nails dig into the palms of his hands as he squeezes his fists hard enough to scratch his skin and draw blood.  He feels sick just thinking about how eerily similar he finds this situation to the one his own brother was put into by his ex-mate.  And Dean was even there when Amelia sent Jimmy off to that Omega hospital against his will; he knows how badly that hurt both of the Novak twins, and knows how hard Castiel and his older brothers had to fight to free Jimmy from the legal power of his oppressive mate.  He knows how scared Castiel has always been of an Alpha controlling his life.  “You’re acting like--”

“Don’t say I’m acting anything like her,” Dean says in earnest, pointing a finger at Castiel.  “I am _nothing_ like Amelia.  I didn’t tell you about my meeting with Benny because I didn’t want you to stop me, okay?  I couldn’t take it if you told me you want him to be a part of the baby’s life.”

Castiel frowns.  He sits up again, shuffling forward so that he can get closer to Dean.  He reaches out and touches Dean’s wrist as gently as he can, but the Alpha jerks away from his touch like it’s burned him.

“It doesn’t have anything to do with you, Dean.  She has a right to at least know her biological father.  I’m not talking about every weekend, or even every two weeks.  But once a month?  He would be like an uncle to her, at the most.”

“No,” Dean shakes his head, jaw clenched.  “Benny can’t… He can’t be allowed near her, or you.  After what he did…,” Dean swallows and shakes his head, turning around to face Castiel again.  There’s a miserable expression sketched onto his face.  “That night you guys slept together…”

Castiel frowns, expression darkening, and he looks away guiltily.  “Dean, I told you.  We were drunk.”

“ _You_ were drunk.  But you’re a total lightweight.  Two shots and you’re down for the count.  Benny is an experienced drinker.  He knew exactly what he was doing when he seduced you,” Dean’s nostrils flare, the air around him filling with the scent of burnt sugar and lemons.  Castiel shakes his head at Dean, disbelieving, but Dean carries on.  “He told me himself today when I saw him, Cas.  He’s been obsessed with you since college.”

“He was dating Andrea in college.”

“He said that I _stole you_ from him and that you belong with him.  You want to talk about someone who doesn’t respect Omegas as people?  That’s him, right there,” Dean says, waving his arm and pointing it in the direction of the hallway, where the waiting room is.  Where Benny is probably still sitting, waiting for him to come out when he’s discharged.  Castiel frowns, looking away from Dean and staring down at the hospital sheets.  

“You didn’t know that before,” Castiel mutters.  Dean blinks, letting his arm drop back to his side.

“What?” He asks.  Castiel looks up at him with a frown.

“I said, you didn’t know all that before you decided to meet him.  When you lied to me and concocted this… _plan_ with Sam to write him out of the picture.  You’re trying to spin it like it was this noble quest to protect me but you… you still _lied_ to me.  You don’t trust me, Dean.  You don’t respect me.”

“Cas!” Dean gasps.  Castiel shakes his head, rubbing at his eyes with his palms to try and keep himself from crying.

“I don’t care about Benny.  I don’t give a shit what he did in college or what he told you today or-- or--” he huffs, dragging in a deep, ragged breath and wiping his hands down his red face.  “Anything!  I don’t give a shit, Dean!  I just can’t believe you think it’s _okay_ and you’re trying to justify that you usurped me; completely disregarded me and made an autocratic decision on my behalf and for your benefit.”

“My benefit?” Dean cries,  “I did it for you, Cas!  I did it all for you!”

“You did it for yourself!” Castiel screams.  There’s a knock on the door at that moment and it busts open, a nurse stepping in with a large security guard behind her.  Dean immediately moves and settles into the seat beside Castiel’s bed; Castiel rolls his eyes and glares at his husband.

“Is everything okay in here?” The nurse asks trepidatiously, bustling over to check on Castiel’s vitals and make sure his IV is still in place.

“Everything’s fine,” Castiel says after a tense moment of silence, his voice hoarse from yelling.  He clears his throat, rubbing his free hand back and forth on his stomach.  He offers a tight smile to the nurse, who is eyeing him skeptically.  “Just a lover’s quarrel.”

The nurse doesn’t seem to buy it, looking between Dean and Castiel suspiciously.  Her eyes linger on Dean for a little longer than Castiel; she can obviously smell the anger and distress coming off him in waves and it’s understandably making her uncomfortable.  “Alright.  Well, let’s keep it that way.  Security is only one phone call away.”

A sour look appears on Dean’s face, but he wipes it away quickly enough that Castiel is the only person who notices it.  He nods curtly.

“Yes ma’am.”

They manage to wait until the nurse and the security officer have left before their snapping at each other all over again, Dean hissing.

“Nice going, Cas.  Screaming your head off and now they think I’m some sort of abusive Alpha, or some shit.” He scowls, but Castiel simply lifts his eyebrows at Dean’s words and snorts, turning his head away.  “What?”

“Nothing.  It’s just that you’re acting like an abusive Alpha,” he says snidely.  “The nurse didn’t say anything to you about abuse.  It’s funny that your mind jumps straight to that drastic place.”

“Cas,” he snaps, agitated, “you saw the way she was looking at me.  You’re just acting like a prick,” he growls.  Castiel snorts.

“Name calling?  Is that what we’ve resorted to now?  You asshole,” He challenges, turning to glare at Dean.  He shakes his head, the scowl slowly disappearing from his face and replacing itself with a troubled frown.  “Why can’t you just admit you were wrong?”

Dean huffs, turning away again.  Castiel’s heart twists in pain and he sinks down into his pillows, wanting to be alone again.  If Dean isn’t going to even admit that what he did was wrong, then there’s no point in him being here.  Castiel isn’t going to spend time bickering with somebody who doesn’t even respect his autonomy.

“I was scared that you would say no,” Dean says, eyes cast down at the plain white sheets of Castiel’s bed.  “You said a few weeks ago that you wanted… That you wanted Benny to have visiting rights.  I thought that...” Dean scoffs, placing a hand on his forehead and rubbing at his eyes.  “Cas, if you still want him to be a part of the baby’s life, I can’t stop you…”

“No, you can’t,” Castiel says, his jaw clenched.  Dean huffs in frustration, pulling his hands away from Castiel and standing.  He crosses his arms over his chest, turning away from his husband.

“I don’t understand you.  Why do you want him so badly to keep his rights to the baby?  Do you _love_ him?” he snaps.  

Castiel narrows his eyes at him, tilting his head to the side and glaring at his husband.  “Are you deranged?”

  
“I mean, it makes sense.  Makes sense if you cheated on him with me, you have his baby… He’s been more of an Alpha to you… given you more than I ever could after just one…,” he stops and swallows hard. Castiel can see now that there are tears brimming in his husband’s eyes. “I lied to you, yea.  But I only did it because I was scared, alright? I was scared you would want him to keep his parental rights.  And, you know… I was right.  You want him.  After everything, even after I told you I wanted to raise the baby like my own… you still want him.  And how am I supposed to live with that?” He whispers, voice trembling.  Castiel’s throat goes dry, tears pricking at the corners of his own eyes now.

“Dean,” he breathes, and he throws himself forward, wrapping his hands around Dean’s wrists and pulling him in.  This time Dean doesn’t pull away, but just the opposite; he melts into his embrace, grabbing Castiel’s hands back and twisting their fingers together compulsively.  Castiel squeezes his hand and says, “I don’t want Benny.  I want you.  I’ll fight for _you_ .” He swallows.  “When you said that, about wanting our daughter to be… _ours_ ,” he takes a shaky, nervous breath in, “was it a lie?”

“No!” Dean chokes, sputtering.  “I want to be a family with you, Cas.  It’s all I’ve ever wanted,” he lets out a wretched whine and ducks his head, pressing his face against his and Castiel’s joined hands.  He feels Dean’s tears drip onto their fingers, and Castiel has to resist the urge himself to whimper in pain for his mate.

“We can be a family, Dean,” he says.  “You don’t have to be scared.  I’m not leaving you.”

“But Benny could take you away from me,” Dean cries.  “Don’t you get it, Cas?  He _has_ to forfeit his rights, or he’ll have the legal standing to rip our family apart.” Dean sniffs, eyes squeezed shut.  “I just wanted to be a good Alpha,” he whispers.  Castiel’s chest aches.

“Dean,” he whines, and God, he sounds just as broken as his mate right now.  They’re both so broken because of all this.  “Why didn’t you just tell me?  Why didn’t you… I couldn’t have known, I…” He doesn’t even bother trying to stop the tears from rolling down his cheeks this time.  His chest hurts too much for him to hold his tears back any longer, and his throat bobs as he begins to cry in earnest.  “You scared me so much, Dean, you took control and you took my power away and you didn’t even _tell me_ , if you had _told me_ I could have understood… I would have agreed with you, I--”

He stops talking when Dean surges forward and wraps his arms around him, pillowing Castiel’s cheek on his shoulder and rocking his Omega gently in his arms.  Castiel sobs into his shoulder, unable to control himself any longer, feeling all of his anxieties caving in on him at once.  He shivers uncontrollably, but held tight in his husband’s arms he hopes and he knows that he is safe, and so he lets it all out.

“You could ruin me,” Castiel sobs, wetting Dean’s t-shirt and probably ruining it with his snot and tears.  Dean doesn’t even spare it a second thought as he rubs his hands up and down Castiel’s back, shushing him softly.

“You could ruin me too,” Dean whispers.  “You nearly did already.”

Castiel whimpers.  “I’m sorry,” he pleads.  He hiccups, drawing in a deep breath, and presses his face into Dean’s neck.  His scent has changed again, no longer like burnt sugar but still decidedly unpleasant, like suffocating smoke and sharp pain; Castiel drinks it in like a thirsty man drinks water, so desperate for his mate’s scent and comfort that he will take it in any form it comes.  “I need you on my side.  I felt… scared of you today,.  And I can’t…,” he swallows hard, trying to find his words, “I can’t ever feel that way again.  It broke my heart to be scared of you, Dean.”

“I don’t want that either,” Dean says, milky green eyes glistening as he cups Castiel’s face, pushing strands of hair from his face and staring into his eyes.  “I’m so sorry that I made you scared.  I was just trying to protect you,” he whispers, then sighs and looks down.  “To protect my heart.  I can’t bear the thought of Benny and… and our daughter…”

“It’s not going to happen,” Castiel resolves, shaking his head and clinging tighter to Dean’s body, arms tight around his shoulders.  “I can’t remember everything that happened that night, Dean.  But I… I remember the way he--” Castiel swallows, glancing up at Dean, seeing the way his jaw ticks and his scent turns back to sour. He stops, dropping his head back down onto Dean’s shoulder and blinking away the memories.  “I don’t want someone so manipulative near our daughter.  Even if he is the biological father.  I won’t endanger her or _us_ , for his sake.” He pauses, reaching up and stroking his hand over the thin stubble on his husband’s cheek, turning his neck so that their foreheads knock together.  Castiel’s lips brush Dean’s, taking small sips as he says, almost apprehensively, “She already has the most amazing father in the world looking out for her.”

Dean’s cheeks turn pink and his lips split into the happiest grin, you would have thought Castiel just told him that they were having pie for breakfast.  Hmm, he’ll have to think about making his husband a pie to make up for all of this fighting.  Maybe he’ll make a pecan pie for Dean and a cherry pie for himself.  Or maybe a banana cream pie…

He’s broken from his pie-filled reverie by Dean’s lips pressed warm and firm against his, and he sighs, leaning in and locking lips with his husband.  He distinctly feels Dean’s hand moving from where it rests on his thigh, traveling up to cover his belly, and he simply melts right into his husband’s arms.

Yes, at ease, finally, in Dean’s arms.  This is most definitely where he belongs.

 ──────⊱◈◈◈⊰────── 

Sam frowns down at his cup and swirls around the brown sludge this hospital has deigned to call coffee, then lifts the cup to his lips and takes an experimental gulp.  The taste is not nearly as bad as the look and smell of it is, but Sam decides he’d probably be better off not getting food poisoning from a cup of mediocre hospital coffee, and he dumps the contents of his drink into a nearby trash can.  He peers around the corner, down the hallway, looking nervously in the direction of Castiel’s room.

“You think they’re fighting in there?”

Jimmy snorts, kicking off the wall he’s been leaning on and coming to stand next to Sam.  “Do you think they’re  _not_? It’s been three months of constant fighting for those two.”

Sam sighs.  His brother-in-law is right, and that fact breaks his heart.  Dean and Castiel used to be the couple that everyone else looked up to for dating advice.  They were the ones who always made it work.  And Sam guesses that they are making it work now… but all the stress in their relationship can’t be good for either of them.  Dean has more silver hairs now than he ever did before, and Castiel is in the hospital, for God’s sake.  It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that their both under immense amounts of stress right now.

“You wanna walk and get a candy bar with me?” Jimmy asks, cracking his knuckles.  Sam glances back at him with a confused frown, and Jimmy gives a sheepish shrug in response.  “I don’t like walking alone in hospitals.  I get jumpy.”

“Ah,” Sam says and nods in understanding, as if Jimmy’s statement has clarified anything to him.  They walk down the hall and around the corridor, towards the waiting room where there’s a vending machine full of candy bars and a wide selection of chips.  Sam looks on at the unhealthy selection with disdain, while Jimmy licks his lips hungrily and starts digging in his pockets for some loose change.

“Cas!”  There’s a surprised shout from the other end of the roo, and Jimmy looks up just in time to see benny hopping from his chair and rushing towards himself and Sam.  Jimmy doesn’t even have time to step back before Sam is growling loudly beside him, stepping forward and shielding Jimmy with his arm.  Normally Jimmy would roll his eyes and balk at such an aggressive Alpha display, but right now he only has the wherewithal to stare at the Alpha still advancing toward them.  Benny slows when he sees Sa, and he looks Jimmy up and down, a small frown tugging at his lips.

“Not Cas,” he realizes aloud and Sam growls at him again, this time loud enough to draw the attention of a few other waiting patrons and a wandering charge nurse.  “Jimmy.  How’s your brother?  Is the baby okay?”

Jimmy’s eyebrows crease, and he shakes his head at Benny.  “Dude, you look like shit,” he says, tactless as ever.  Benny frowns, looking down at himself self-consciously.  He’s wearing the same clothes he wore to the garage earlier that day; construction boots and worn out jeans, with a button down shirt and a brown leather jacket.  His face is unshaven and unkempt, though, and his eyes are bloodshot.  Whether that’s from crying or from Alpha posturing, Jimmy couldn’t say, but he really doesn’t care either way.

“Is everything okay over here?” The charge nurse has finally made her way over, a scowl on her pretty, round face as she looks between Sam and benny suspiciously.  It’s evident that the last thing she wants or needs are two Alphas throwing down in the middle of her waiting room.  Jimmy reaches out to touch Sam’s arm, giving his bicep a a reassuring squeeze as he opens his mouth to answer the nurse.  Sam glances down at Jimmy fleetingly, then takes a deep breath and nods.

“Everything is okay,” Sam parrots back as politely as he can manage without full-on growling at her.  The nurse is obviously displeased with the answer, but Sam quickly turns and takes the vending machine money from Jimmy’s hands, and goes to busy himself with purchasing a chocolate bar for the Omega.  Benny clears his throat.

“I’m actually here to see somebody, if you could help me out?” he drawls.  The nurse purses her lips and nods.

“Okay, what’s the patient’s name?”

“Castiel Winchester,” he answers.  Jimmy takes a breath and is about to snap at him that Benny isn’t allowed to see his brother, and Castiel doesn’t want to see him either, but the charge nurse holds a hand up to silence him.  She scrutinizes benny with a hard look.

“Castiel Winchester is already being seen by his mate and closest family members.  How are you related to Mr. Winchester?”

“Well,” Benny hooks his thumbs into his belt loops, adjusting his jeans and simpering a little, “He and I--”

“He’s nobody,” Jimmy snarls, cutting the Alpha off and stepping forward so that the charge nurse is forced to look at him, and not Benny.  “Castiel Winchester requested me to come out here and send him home,” Jimmy continues, gritting his teeth and glaring at Benny from under dark lashes.  “Castiel  _doesn’t_ want to see you.  Nurse,” he turns back to the woman, who is now staring at Jimmy with wide eyes.  “This man is harassing my brother.  I need you to remove him from the premises or else I will call the cops, and I will cause a scene in your waiting room.”

The woman doesn’t seem perturbed by his attitude, but nods in assent to Jimmy’s request nonetheless.  “No need to cause a scene, sir.  I’ll call security now.”

Benny narrows his eyes and glares at Jimmy, the cadence of his voice shifting as he attempts to talk while also growling.  “That won’t be necessary, ma’am.  I’m goin’.” He turns and walks away, shooting one last nasty look over his shoulder before he leaves the waiting area and heads down the hallway towards the building exit.  Jimmy huffs, hands shaking slightly from the adrenaline as he turns back to look at the nurse and sam.  The charge nurse only stays there for another second, nodding curtly at Jimmy and then heading back to her post gracefully.

“I got you a Snickers bar,” Sam offers, holding an opened candy bar out to Jimmy.  It’s already missing a bite from the top but Jimmy doesn’t mind, taking the candy gratefully from sam and stepping down the hallway in sync beside him.  Sam reaches out and pats him on the back, then lets his arm stay there draped over his brother-in-law’s shoulder.  Jimmy smiles up at him, taking a grateful bite from his candy bar.  He chuckles softly to himself, and Sam raises his eyebrows curiously.

“What?”

“Nothing. It’s just… I don’t usually do stuff like that.”

Sam chuckles, but it’s mirthless.  “No?  You seemed like you had a good handle on yourself back there,” he offers, squeezing Jimmy’s shoulder with a big hand.  Jimmy shrugs, taking another bite from his Snickers bar and talking as he chews.

“Nah, man.  A few months ago, you asked me to even look an angry Alpha in the eyes, I’d probably…,” he trails off, shaking his head at whatever dark thoughts are playing around in his mind.  He huffs, in part from aggravation at the track of his own thoughts and another part in amazement at his own will.  “I guess it’s ‘cause its about Cas, now.  I could never let that kid get hurt, for the life of me.”

Sam laughs.  “You’re acting like he’s your kid-brother or something.  You’re twins; you know that, right?”

Jimmy laughs, rolling his eyes and shoving Sam in the ribs.  The Apha ducks out of the way and jumps back, letting Jimmy keep walking ahead of him down the narrow hallway that leads back to Castiel’s room.  Jimmy smiles back at him, holding the Snickers bar in the air and waving it.

“Thanks for the candy choice, by the way.  How’d you know Snickers were my fave?”

“Aren’t they Cas’s favorite, too?” Sam offers.  Jimmy shakes his head.

“No. They used to be when we were kids,” Jimmy smirks a little, coming to stop in the hallway just outside of Cas’s room, leaning against the wall.  They can hear hushed voices talking inside, and Sam is glad  for all of their sake’s that they aren’t screaming at each other in there.  Hopefully they are finally making some headway in their conversation.  “But Cas and I went through this phase when we were like… nine or ten where anything the other twin did, we hated.  It was an individuality bid, I guess.  He always liked to wear green shirts and stuff, so I refused to wear green.   Joined the rec swim team, so Castiel refused to get in the pool.  I liked Snickers, so Cassie refused to eat them.  He switched to Butterfingers instead-- which, incidentally, I actually hate,” Jimmy grins.  Sam busts out laughing, and a moment later the door to cas’s room wings open to reveal Dean standing there, a confused look on his face.

“Were you listening in on us?” he asks cynically.  Sam shakes his head.

“No, we were just talking.  Why?  Were you two making out or some other gross shit?” He smirks at his brother, who rolls his eyes, but one glance over at Castiel’s blushing face and disheveled hair tells sam that his guess was spot on.  He gags, and Dean laughs while Cas buries his face in his pillows.

“Cassie?” Jimmy pokes his head around the corner, grinning at his brother.  He steps into the room, skirting his way around Sam and Dean’s bulky figures, and plops himself down on the side of Castiel’s bed.  “That mean you guys are all made up, then?”

Castiel’s cheeks are still red, but he nods.  “I think we’re on our way, yes,” he answers truthfully.  Jimmy nods, happy, and leans in to give his brother’s cheek a sloppy kiss.  Castiel immediately reaches out and grabs his shoulder, holding him in position and frowning as he scents his neck.

“Cas-- what--?”

“Why do you smell like that?” Castiel demands, and Jimmy yanks away from his brother, scowling.  Curse his brother and his bloodhound-esque scenting abilities.

“Like what?” he asks innocently, fanning his lashes and turning his face away from his brother.

Castiel narrows his eyes and answers sardonically, “Like  _weed_ , Jimmy.  Did you and Sam go  _get baked_ , or something?”

“Sammy, my boy!” Dean shouts from the other side of the room, slapping his brother on the shoulder and laughing.  “Sinner,” he smirks, nudging his side.  Sam flinches away from his brother’s elbow and rolls his eyes.

“Dude, it was  _one time in college_ , and you know I’m never doing it again, so just let it go.” he scowls, stepping away from his brother just as Dean moves to ruffle up his hair.  “Besides,” he snaps, looking between Dean and Castiel.  “Where would Jimmy and I even get weed in the middle of a hospital in Kansas?”

“Jimmy has a skill for acquiring illicit substances,” Castiel answers in a spent tone of voice.  Jimmy’s mouth drops open.

“Don’t  _tell_ him that,” he hisses, “He’s a lawyer!”

“Jimmy,” Castiel snaps back, gazing at his brother with intense and unblinking scrutiny.  Jimmy sighs, defeated, and plops back onto Castiel’s bed so that he’s lying postrate beside his brother.  He narrowly misses a collision between himself and his brother, but Castiel moves and dodges Jimmy’s skull just as it bounces against his pillow with a hard force.

“That’s what I smell like when I’m nervous,” he mumbles, voice whiny.  Castiel blinks at his brother, surprised, and then a moment later he busts out laughing like it’s the funniest thing he’s ever heard.

“What? Since when?”

“Jimmy rolls his eyes.  “Since I started smoking medicinal marijuana,” he huffs, then his cheeks turns dark red and he glances nervously at his brother.  “I forgot to tell you that, didn’t I?”  Castiel nods dumbly.

“Uh-huh.”

“Um, allow me to interrupt,” Dean says, stepping forward with his hand raises in the air.  Jimmy and cas both blink up at him simultaneously, and Dean feels like he has whiplash whenever they do shit like that.  Fucking twinsync, man.  It’s twinsane.  “Can we back up from all this marijuana stuff for a minute?  What made you so upset in the first place?”

Jimmy gets a constipated look on his face, cheeks turning an even darker shade of red than they had when he’d been talking about the medicinal marijuana.  Sam steps forward, announcing proudly, “Jimmy told benny off in the waiting room.  Threatened to call the cops on him if he didn’t stop harassing Cas.”

“Harassing?” Castiel blinks.  Dean frowns, looking between Jimmy and Castiel.

“Well, I guess it is harassment, right?  He shows up at your job looking for you, then he shows up at the hospital looking for you…”

“Hold up,” Sam sticks his hand out rudely to silence his brother, ignoring the way Dean scowls and bats at his hand as he address cas with a question.  “He showed up at your work?”

“You didn’t tell me that,” Jimmy says, startled.  Castiel looks at his brother with raised eyebrows.

“Like you didn’t tell me you got a prescription for pot?” he challenges.  Jimmy blushes and scowls, turning his face away from his brother and blowing out a frustrated breath from between his teeth.  Castiel directs his attention back to Sam. “Yeah...  This was about a week after your birthday.  May… 11th, I think.  The principal had to escort him out of the building.” 

Sam frowns, pulling his cell phone from his pocket and tapping at the screen.  Castiel watches him with a worried frown and glances over at his husband, who has an equally confused expression on his face and shrugs at Castiel’s puzzled look.  Sam clears his throat, not looking p from his phone.

“That might be enough to get a restraining order placed on him until we can set up a Family Court hearing to have his parental rights completely revoked,” he says, tapping rapidly at his screen.  He glances up at his brother, then looks over at cas with raises eyebrows.  “Assuming that is what you guys are planning to do.  Right?” 

“Yes,”  Castiel answers immediately, reaching out to rub at his brother’s arm as he feels Jimmy shifting nervously beside him.  He knows hospitals aren’t his brother’s favorite place in the world.  He looks up at Dean and meets is mate’s eyes as he says, “We don’t want him anywhere near our baby.”

“And my name is going on the birth certificate,” Dean tacks on quickly, watching as Sam’s fingers fly over his screen.  It looks like he’s writing an email to somebody; most likely one of his lawyer friends down at the courthouse.  Dean glances over at Castiel as soon as he drops that bombshell assertation, who nods approvingly and offers Dean a small smile.   _If both their brother’s weren’t in the room, we’d probably be kissing right now,_ Dean thinks with a little smirk  _._

“When can we get started on this, then?” Castiel asks, feeling antsy.  He sits up and scratchesat the IV in his arm.  The doctors are still running his AFP and Estriol tests so they can’t leave just yet, but Castiel is getting antsy to leave the hospital.  Most likely it’s Jimmy’s scent that’s working him up, or maybe he’s still hungry, but he just wants to go home.

“I just sent an email to my buddy down at the DA’s office.  We went to law school together… he can rush a request for a restraining order.  We’ll have to go to a hearing for it, and that’ll be set up within the week.  Was the incident at your school documented?”

“No,” Castel answers sullenly.  “But I’m pretty sure the principal will be willing to testify if I ask her. I know she was pretty pissed that day that he was even able to get into the building.”

Sam snorts. “Of course she was,” he says, shaking his head.  “The last thing the school wants is for you to sue them if some random Alpha off the street comes in and attacks you.” He glances over at his brother with a frown, who is growling audibly at the suggestion that Benny would hurt his mate, and reaches out to pat him on the shoulder.  “Take a breather there, Alpha boy.  Your mate’s not in any kind of danger.”

Jimmy makes a scoffing sound from his side of the bed, rolling his eyes judgmentally at sam.  “Alright, Sam.  I don’t think you have the right to say shit after all the growling you were doing in the waiting room, just fifteen minutes ago.”

Sam scowls and crosses his arms over his chest, but his skin is turning pink all the way from his neck to his ears.  Castiel frowns.

“Okay, what exactly  _happened_ in the waiting room?  Dean and I were only talking for like ten minutes.”

“Try half an hour,” Jimmy mutters, wincing at the sharp jab to his ribcage Castiel offers in response to his sardonic humor.

“It wasn’t really a big deal,” Sam answers with a nonchalant shrug, distracted by his phone again.  The way he smiles doply at the screen lets everybody in the room know that he’s no longer talking to his lawyer friend; probably just texting Eileen.  “Jim and I went down to the waiting room to get a snack from the vending machine.  Benny was there and when he spotted Jimmy walking in, he thought it was Cas.  he hopped up and ran over and I… reacted.”

Castiel frowns, glancing down at his brother and then back up at Sam.  “Okay… well, you’re still here, the hospital didn’t kick you out. So I assume you didn’t try to rip his face off this time.”

Sam smiles smugly at the memory of his bar brawl with benny, then shrugs and stuff his phone back into his pocket.  “I controlled myself.”

“Well, he’s a moron if he couldn’t tell Jimmy and cas apart by sight,” Dean huffs agitatedly, and castiel reaches out to beckon his mate closer, letting Dean scent at his neck and nuzzle his cheek by way of comfort.  The Alpha immediately relaxes into his mate’s arms, and Jimmy rolls his eyes.

“Alright, Alpha, we get it.  You know Cas better than anyone.”

“Damn right I do,” he grumbles, nosing at Castiel’s neck and nipping at his flesh, just over his jugular.  Castiel squeaks and twists away from his husband, blushing, as Sam and Jimmy glare at the pair of them.  Just then the door opens, thankfully breaking them up before Dean and cas can manage to scar their brothers any further playing nookie.  The doctor blinks in surprise as he looks at the bed.

“Am I seeing double?” he asks carefully, eyes flickering between Castiel and Jimmy.  Jimmy smirks, proud to be the cause of confusion, and Castiel takes advantage of his brother’s distracted state of misplaced ride to shove him from the bed and onto the floor.

“My brother simply thinks he owns the world.  He has no sense of personal space,” Castiel answers the doctor wryly, and it’s his turn to smirk when he hears Jimmy’s muffled moan of pain from the floor beside the bed.  The doctor glances down at him in concern, but quickly turns his attention away from the overdramatic omega when he realizes that he’s completely fine.  He holds up castiel’s clipboard. “I have your results here.  Would you like to do this alone?”

“They can stay,” castiel says, gesturing towards the packed room.  He reaches out to intertwined his fingers with Dean’s who gives him a reassuring squeeze.  The doctor nods and glances back down at the chart.

“Well, everything appears to be fine with you and the baby.  Aside from your condition we talked about earlier, you and the child are completely healthy.  I see no reason why you shouldn't be able to carry this baby to term as long as you don’t get an infection and keep eating healthy.”

Castiel smiles and nods sagging with relief against the pillows.  Jimmy’s head pops up from the floor and he reaches over the side of the bad, grabbing Castiel’s free hand with two of his and giving him a tight squeeze.

“Thank you.”

“I see you’re having a daughter,” the doctor says, glancing down at the chart and then setting it down at the foot of the bed.  He smiles.  “Any name ideas, or not just yet?”

Castiel chuckles, shaking his head.  “We just found out the gender today.  I haven’t even thought about names at all, if I’m going to be honest,” he says, then glances up at Dean.  the Alpha smiles.

“I have an idea or two,” he says, smirking at the shocked look on Castiel’s face.  He leans down and kisses Castiel’s forehead.  “I love you,” he says, then looks over at the doctor.  “Are we good to go, then?”

“Yup, Castiel is cleared for discharge.  I just have a few papers for you guys to sign, and I’ll have a nurse set you up to head home.  Sound good?”

“Great,” Castiel answers eagerly.  Jimmy moans with relief.

“Oh thank God, we can finally leave!” he cries.  Castiel rolls his eyes, but smiles fondly at his brother as Sam begins to tease Jimmy for being so impatient.  He leans back, smiling up at his mate, who ducks down to press a plush kiss to his lips.  This is his family, loud and obnoxious as they may be, and Castiel is happy to have them all here with him and Dean on this hectic journey.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unfortunately I had to delete all of your beautiful comments and feedback when I took the original chapter down. FORTUNATELY, this chapter is almost double the length of the previous posting, so you have double the content to review and comment on!
> 
> PLEASE LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THOUGHT!


	13. Chapter 13

Judge Rufus Turner sits behind a large, carved oak desk and carefully sifts through the papers Sam Winchester handed to him just over ten minutes ago.  He sighs softly as he sets them down, looking between Castiel and Dean, who are sitting in the two chairs set up in front of his desk, and then to Sam who is standing behind Castiel’s chair with his hands resting firmly on the back.

“Look, son,” he says evenly, “I’m doing you a favor here, because your Uncle Bobby and I go way back.” he adjusts his glasses, setting the papers down completely and leaning back in his seat.  “I sympathize with your situation, I really do,” he says as he now turns to look at Dean, though his tone sounds more exasperated than it does empathetic, “but you have not got a strong case here.  Not for stalking, and honestly not for confiscating parental rights, either.”

“Getting a restraining order will help strengthen our case against Benny, though,” Sam insists.  Rufus shrugs.

“Sure, if you get the right judge.  Don’t worry, boy, I’m signing your papers,” he grumbles, picking up a pen and a blank form from a stack on top of his desk.  It’s cluttered with papers.  “I’m just warning you that you need to get your shit together if you really want to take this to family court.  They don’t mess around down there and they aren’t gonna take kindly to you wasting their time over domestic drama.”  He directs a pointed look at Sam, then scribbles his signature onto the bottom of the form he filled out and hands it back to Sam.  “Don’t make me look like a fool.”

“No, sir.  Of course not.”

Rufus nods, leaning back in his chair again and settling his hands behind his head.  “And while you’re at it, remind your Uncle Bobby he still owes me a bottle of scotch after our last card game.  Stupid son of a bitch thinks I’m gonna forget that I kicked his ass last time we played poker,” he chuckles darkly and shakes his head.  “Good thing I hold a grudge.”

“Thank you, Rufus,” Dean says, stepping forward and grasping the judge’s hand in his own.  “I’ll let him know, I promise.  You want to come over for dinner this Sunday?I make a mean pot roast,” he flashes his uncle’s friend a toothy smile, but Rufus simply shakes his head.

“Thanks for the offer, but I’ve got a date this Sunday night.  Anyway,” he sighs tiredly, standing up and going over to one of the many filing cabinets living the walls of the room.  “I have some whiny lawyers comin’ in about thirty minutes to squabble over admissable evidence in an upcoming case of mine, so I should really get back to work.”  He pulls out a stack of files and directs a tight smile at Sam.  “You boys best be off.”

Sam nods and turns to leave, and Dean waits while Castiel eases out of his chair, cupping his heavy belly and grabbing his mate’s hand for support.  Rufus clucks at him.

“Oh, not you, son.  You sit,” he orders.  Castiel stops, eyes wide with surprise, but he dutifully resumes his seat.  Dean tenses beside him, Alpha hackles rising in concern, but Rufus smiles easily at him and waves him off.  “We’ll only be a few minutes, Dan.  You and Sam can wait outside.”

Castiel fidgets nervously, yet nods to his mate that it’s okay for him to leave.  Obviously disgruntled to be leaving his mate alone with another Alpha Dean sighs and trudges out after his brother.  The door slams closed and castiel flinches, the air cold and tense as he feels Judge Turner’s eyes boring into him.  He keeps his head down, eyes demurely settled on his lap.

“Boy, you’ve got no idea how lucky you are,” Rufus finally says, just the hint of a growl in his tone of voice, “Boy, look at me when I talk to you,” he snaps.  Castiel swallows and snaps his head up, blue eyes meeting hard, angry brown ones.  Rufus shakes his head.

“Have you got any idea what kind of pain you’ve out your mate through?  God, I don’t think I’ve seen him so tense since the day his daddy died.”

Castiel winces.  “Sir--”

“Shut.  I’m sure you’re full of excuses.  But you need to listen here for just a minute,” he props his elbow up on his desk and points at Castiel’s face.  “I don’t care what happened, or why you did it.  What I care about is that you’re working on fixin’ what you did, and you don’t do it again.  Dean is a good Alpha, as good as they come, and he don’t deserve a mate who hurts him like you did.  Now you tell me, good and honest, is this affair of yours with Benjamin Lafitte really over?”

Castiel jerks his head in a nod.  “Yes, sir.”

“Why’s he showing up at your place of work, then?”

Castiel swallows, shrugging.  “I don’t know, sir,” he admits.  Rufus hums thoughtfully, dropping his hand and leaning back.

“Alright.  So maybe you do have a bit of a crazy Alpha on your hands.  But that baby inside you _is his_ , and by the Old Laws he does have a claim to it,” he leans forward, frowning at Castiel.  “And I didn’t want to tell your mate or his brother, but if I were the ruling judge on a case like this, I wouldn’t be siding with you.”

Castiel whimpers, but quiets at the glare he earns from Rufus when he does.  He fidgets, hands clasped between his thighs to keep them from shaking.

“I’m sorry for all the pain I’ve caused Dean… and Sam…”

“You better be sorry!” Rufus half laughs, half growls.  He narrows his eyes at castiel.  “And if you hurt him like this again, _ever_ , you can bet your ass I’ll have you thrown in jail for adultery.   _That’s_ still illegal under the Old Laws, too.”  he leans back, crossing his arms over his chest and jerking his chin towards the door.  “Now go on, out of my sight.  Good luck on your court case.”

Castiel nods, scrambling to stand and shrugging his jacket on all at once.  “Yes, sir.  Thank you,” he mumbles, then turns and walks swiftly from his office.  Dean greets him at the door, wrapping an arm around his side.  He asks him what Rufus had to say; no doubt he was standing at the door trying to eavesdrop the whole time, but those doors are thick and soundproofed for that very reason.  Castiel shakes his head, reaches out and squeezes Dean’s fingers with his own.  Everything Rufus said was for his ears, alone.

 _Everything he said to me was true_.

They stop for burritos and quesadillas on the way home.  Sam jabbers on about setting a date for family court and filing for a motion, but castiel can only half listen.  He’s pretty sure Dean has turned his brother out as well, if the distant look in his eyes and the way he barely picks at his food is any indication.  Castiel reaches out and rubs his hand up and down along the side of Dean’s thigh, and the only turns to him with a small smile, pecking his lips.  Sam huffs exasperatedly from the other end of the table.

“You guys aren’t even listening.”

“I was,” castiel says, and it’s only half a lie.  He just has too much on his mind right now to really concentrate on anything.  He turns his full attention back to Sam now, though, and smiles.  “I’ll have that position statement ready for you by Monday.  I promise.”

Sam lets out a heavy sigh and nods, looking relieved that at least one of them had heard what he was asking for.  “Thank you,” he says, and then a real smile blossoms on his face as he reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out a small, dark velvet box.  “Do you guys want to see the ring I bought for Eileen?”

──────⊱◈◈◈⊰──────

It’s the end of June now, so the school year has finally wound down to a close and Castiel is free at last from his job.  He still has staff meetings to attend in the last two weeks of June, and he has to prepare his lesson plans for next year so that whatever substitute teacher takes his place while he’s on maternity leave knows what they’re doing, but for the most part he can relax.  Which is good, because the baby is only getting bigger as the weeks tick by, and castiel is more tired than ever.

“You have weird cravings,” Dean comments disgustedly as castiel bites right into the flesh of a ripe tomato, sighing at the juicy flavor and leaning back in his lawn chair, rubbing his belly.  Dean is standing in the middle of the driveway, a hose in one hand and giant sponge in another, his ass practically hanging out of the booty shorts he insisted he wear while washing the Impala.

“And you have a weird fashion sense,” Castiel snarks back, growling and shielding his face when Dean directs the spray of the hose at his mate.  Dean cackles as Castiel glares at him from under a op of sopping wet hair, his long bangs hanging into his face.  As he gets later into his second trimester castiel’s hair has been growing at an astounding rate, hanging into his face and curling around his ears like a tangle of weeds and unkept underbrush.

“Shut up.  Don’t you have something better to do than sit out here and critique my fashion choices?” Dean smirks.  Castiel scoffs.

“Excuse me.  You critiqued me first.  And yeah, I was trying to come up with a list of baby names, but then I got bored and came out here,” eh smirks a little, looking Dean up and down in his booty shorts and white Metallica t-shirt.  “I’ve got to say, the view out here is much better than the one inside.”

Dean smiles, wringing out the sponge and dragging it over the windshield of the Impala.  What’ve you got for names?” he asks.  Castiel shrugs, cheeks coloring.

“I don’t know.  I was thinking… Hannah is a pretty name for a girl.  But I don’t know,” he sighs, rubbing his hand back and forth over his belly and popping the last bite of tomato into his mouth.  His circles his protruding belly button with his thumb.  “Have you been thinking?”

“Hmm,” Dean says, leaning his hip against the shiny hood of the Impala and looking Castiel up and down.  “I don’t know either.  I always liked the name Emma,” his lips quirk up.  “Or Millie.  My grandma on my dad’s side, that was her name.”

Castiel smiles a little bit.  “I think I’ve seen pictures.  She was very pretty.”

Dean chuckles, grinning, and drops the sponge in his hand back into the soap bucket, coming over to standby Castiel.  He leans over his chair, kissing him chastely on the lips.  “Well, you know, I had to get my dashing good looks from somewhere,” he murmurs, and castiel laughs and reaches out to cup his face, pulling him in for a kiss again.  “Too bad I used up all the beauty genes before Sam came along,” he grins, leaning in for just one more kiss and smiling against Castiel’s mouth.  “He got stuck with our grandpa’s big nose and our dad’s cowlick hair,” he snickers.  Castiel laughs and pulls away, rolling his eyes at his husband.

“Oh, leave your brother alone.  He isn’t even here to defend himself,” Castiel laughs.  Dean shrugs, pulling away and returning his attention to the car.

“It’s fine if we haven’t got a name yet,” Dean says idly, hosing off the foamy suds from the top of the Impala.  “There’s still almost four months to go before she’s ready to come out.  And the nursery isn’t even finished.”

“You’re right,” Castiel agrees, and then an easy silence falls over the two of them as Castiel watches Dean go to work giving his car a second coat of soap and water.  Out here in the sun, Dean looks happy, happy like he used to before Castiel messed everything up.  Well… _maybe_ , Castiel thinks as his husband turns and smiles brightly at him, his eyes twinkling in the bright June sunshine, wet hair hanging into his freckles face, _maybe he’s becoming happy again.  Maybe I can help him be happy again_.

Dean turns the hose suddenly and sprays Castiel’s belly, startling him from his reverie.  He sticks his tongue out when Castiel gasps and glares at him, still smiling brightly as he asks, “What are you thinking about over there, beautiful?”

He smiles and shrugs.  “Just that I love you,” he says and blushes.  Dean chuckles, obviously pleased with the answer, and the apples of his cheeks turn red as he looks down at the Impala’s tires and sprays the soap suds away.

“Aw,” he says, lips curling into a fond smile.  “I love you too, Cas.”

The next day, Castiel is in the kitchen slicing tomatoes for himself to make a tomato and salt sandwich, when the back door swings open and Sam practically gallops inside, Dean following close behind with several paint buckets in hand.  Dean sees the paint buckets down, stepping forward to press a kiss to Castiel’s cheek.  He’s rudely shoved out of the way by Sam before he can make it, though, as the Alpha shouts at him.

“No let me tell him!”

Dean, who had stumbled backwards from the force of his brother’s shove, pushes him back and glares at him.

“I wasn’t going to tell him, you moron.  I was giving him a kiss on the cheek,” he huffs, rolling his eyes, and picks up the paint cans to set them on the counter.  He gestures towards them both.  “Pick a color, Cas.  We’re painting the nursery.”

Castiel raises an eyebrow.  “Is that… what Sam wanted to tell me?  That you’re painting the nursery?’ he asks wearily, reaching out and pulling one of the buckets close.  It’s a champagne pink shade, the blob of paint smeared onto the top of the can shining iridescently.  The other is a pale shade of teal, also iridescent and decidedly brighter than the champagne color.

Dean nods.  “Yup, that’s about it,” he answers.  Sam growls.

“No, it’s not!  Shut up,” he snaps, then turns his attention to cas and announces with a buoyant smile.  “Eileen and I are engaged.  She said yes last night!” he cries.  Castiel gasps, reaching out and wrapping Sam in a tight hug.

“Oh my God!  Congratulations, Sam!” He yells.  Sam grins and pats Castiel’s back, leaning away and smiling.  “Oh my God, where’s Eileen?  You guys should have dinner with us tonight.”

“Dean already invited us,” Sam chuckles, grinning.  “Eileen is at her cousin’s house right now sharing the news.  But she’ll be here around six and we can all have dinner together,” he laughs, scratching at the back of his neck.  “It’s so surreal.  I feel like I’m living in a dream.”

"You might be, you never know,” Dean supplies.  Sam glares half-heartedly at him, and then castiel chimes in.

“Dean’s right.  Especially if you and Jimmy have been smoking his medical marijuana again…” he adds teasingly.  Dean guffaws, amused, and Sam rolls his eyes.

“Ha ha, very funny.  Hurry up and pick a color,” he says, snapping his fingers and pointing to the cans.  “Daylight is wasting,” he says.  Dean rolls his eyes.

“You don’t need daylight to paint, smartass.  But okay,” Dean turns his attention back to Castiel and the cans.  “I like both of them, so the decision is up to you, baby.”

Castiel bites his lips.  “This one,” he says, pointing to the can of champagne pink paint.  Dean grins.

“Oh, good.  I actually liked that one betterm too,” he chuckles.  Castiel huffs.

“So what would you have said, if I had picked teal?”

Dean shrugs. “The same thing, probably,” he says, chuckling at the annoyed look on Castiel’s face.  “But I really meant it for the pink!  I swear.”

Castiel nods, a small smirk growing on his face.  “Oh yes, Dean.  I know you’re very fond of the color pink.”

Dean’s cheeks turn red, and Sam glances between both Alpha and Omega, then awkwardly clears his throat.  “I feel like I’m missing something here that I… probably don’t want to actually understand,” he says, then scoops up the champagne can and trudges off to the nursery.  “Grab te brushes, Dean!  We’ve got work to do.”

Dean rolls his eyes but does as his brother had said, collecting all of the brushes and rollers from where Sam had unceremoniously dumped them on the floor when he first entered the kitchen.  “Bitch…,” Dean murmurs under his breath.  Then he stands, stepping forward and pecking castiel’s lips with the kiss he’d intended to give him when he first came in, but was rudely prevented from delivering.  Castiel smiles and pats his cheek.

“You and Sam go start painting.  I’ll bring you lunch in a couple minutes.”


	14. Chapter 14

Sometimes, it’s still hard.  No matter how much progress they make, therapy sessions they attend, communicating they do, there’s still the raw pain of their transgressions between them.  Dean isn’t angry anymore; he’s forgiven Castiel and he meant it when he said he loves the pup that’s growing inside his mate’s belly.

But Dean also knows that this, what he’s doing, is not healthy.  Lying awake at three in the morning, staring at the ceiling and grimacing every time his husband so much as moves.  Every time a whiff of his tangy orange scent hits Dean’s nose and he feels like he wants to vomit.

It’s just biology.  His body is rejecting the scent of the unborn child-- their baby growing inside of Castiel’s swollen womb-- because on a biological level, he can sense that this child is not his.  He’s read about Infant Adjustment Syndrome in Alphas before, usually for families who adopt another couple’s children or use surrogates because they can’t have their own.  He’s even heard of it happening, on rare occasions, to Alphas who are the biological fathers of their children, but whose scent differs from their sire.  Like any scent-related illness, it can only be cured with time and maybe scent-blockers.

Dean feels Castiel shifting on the mattress beside him, his round belly poking at Dean’s back.  He huffs into the pillow and scoots to the edge of the bed, rubbing sleep from his eyes.  There’s no use in getting back to bed now; he’s too awake and too uncomfortable for sleep.  He grabs his phone from it’s charging dock and checks the time.  3:37 PM.

He swipes through his apps mindlessly, killing time.  He doesn’t want to wake Castiel up, even though he knows his husband would be more than willing to get up and take a scent blocker for his sake.  He hates the way those things make Cas stink like chemicals, though.  It’s almost just as bad as him smelling like Benny.

Jimmy has been spamming his Facebook feed with videos of baby penguins and other sea animals.  Most of them are rescue videos, and he watches with interest for almost twenty minutes as rescue workers work to clean baby otters, ducklings and sea turtles after some big oil spill.  Then he realizes that this video was actually shared by Jimmy less than thirty minutes ago, and he wonders what his brother-in-law is doing awake at this God-forsaken hour.  Then again, he wonders why he’s awake as well.

 

_ >>Hey Jim you up?? _

 

The response comes almost immediately, so Dean figures Jimmy must be having one of his bouts of insomnia.  It happens every couple of months; an unfortunate side effect to his medication.

 

_ <<Yes I am.  Why are you? _

 

_ >>Cant sleep.  You wanna grab a beer? _

 

_ <<Is Cas up too? Why dont you just come over ive got booze _

 

_ >>Sure.  And no, but ill leave him a note dont worry _

 

Dean slips out of bed and toes his sneakers on, then pulls on his jeans over his shoes and tiptoes to the side of the bed, not wanting to wake Cas.  He rips a small slip of paper off of his husband’s notepad and scribbles a quick message on it, then gently pastes the sticky sides of Cas’s forehead, so he won’t miss it when he wakes up.  So deep in sleep, Castiel barely notices, and Dean can’t help but smile fondly at the way the paper moves up and down as he breathes against it.

Dean’s head stops pounding almost as soon as he exits their bedroom, and once he’s outside in the fresh air all of his symptoms seem to disappear.  He lets out a heavy sigh, breathing in the brisk fall air and feeling the damp chill of the dawn against his skin.  It’s September, one of his favorite months; the month of Castiel’s birthday, the month of their anniversary, the month where the weather usually changed from sweltering and unbearable to perfectly temperate.  And this September, with only just over a month to go until his due date, Castiel would be staying home from school on maternity leave. Which, all things considered, Dean was pretty damn excited about.

He spends the fifteen minute drive across town to Jimmy’s apartment humming softly along with his casette’s and trying not to think too much about the guilt he’s feeling right now.  He practically abandoned Castiel at their house, in the middle of the night, because he couldn’t tolerate his mate’s scent.  What kind of Alpha does that make him?

The door to Jimmy’s apartment is open when Dean tries the knob, and it’s the first thing he mentions to the Omega when he enters.  Jimmy really should try to be more safe about those things.  His brother-in-law shrugs and pops the cap on an Octoberfest, handing it off to Dean without a word.  He looks wired; hair sticking up in every direction and smudges of dirt on his face.  He must have been cleaning or painting or something before Dean got here.

“So what’s got you up and about at…,” Jimmy looks down at his watch, whistling softly.  “4:07 AM?  Jeeze, time flies when you can’t fall asleep, huh?”

Dean snorts, lifting his bottle to his lips and taking a long pull.  He wishes he could be drinking something stronger right now, but he knows Jimmy won’t let him get away with that.  Jimmy probably doesn’t even  _ carry  _ hard liquor in his cupboards, anyway.  Whiskey and anxiety medication do not mix well.

“You ever… you know, when you were pregnant,” Dean starts, frowning, picking at the label on his beer bottle.  “Did you ever worry you wouldn’t be a good dad?”

Jimmy lifts his eyebrows, taking a long drink from his own beer before he even thinks of answering Dean’s question.  Finally, he shakes his head.  “No, I can’t say I ever did.  I was just… excited to be starting a family.”  He swallows hard, staring at the wall.  Then he cracks a little bit of a sad-looking smile, shakes his head, and takes another pull from his beer.  “Not having second thoughts about the baby, I hope?” Jimmy asks then, tone gentler than Dean had expected.  He sighs, sinking into the bar stool by Jimmy’s kitchen island and placing his palms against his cheeks.

“It’s not second thoughts.  I love Cas, and I love the baby.  I know this.  It’s just…,” his Adam’s apple bobs in his throat, and he feels a flush creeping up his neck.  “I’m worried that I’m just not ready.  I mean, what if I  _ can’t _ be as good of a dad as I should?  What happens if I hate her scent and I… I let her down as a father?  I want to be a good dad, not…,” he trails off, losing his words, but Jimmy doesn’t press for anything more from him.  They sit in companionable silence for a bit, just sipping at their beers.  The digital clock on the microwave glows in the darkness of the kitchen, proclaiming it to be 4:45.  Wow, Jimmy was right, time does fly.  He sighs and pushes his empty beer bottle away, and Jimmy replaces it with another.  He smiles thankfully and knocks the neck of his bottle against Jimmy’s.

“You know,” he finally says, spinning his beer bottle on the counter.  “I think that just the fact you’re worried so much about messing up with your daughter, makes you a good dad already,” he says.  Dean huffs, lifting his eyebrows, and Jimmy shakes his head.  “No, no, I mean it.  I’ve never seen you with kids before, but I’m positive that you will make a great father. Do you remember… that night, when I took too many pills?”

Dean lifts his eyebrows.  Yes, he does remember that night, very vividly in fact.  It was about four months after Jimmy had come home from the hospital.  He’d just started on a new anxiety medication, and things were starting to look up.  The nightmares were becoming less frequent, and Jimmy had even started talking about looking to move out of his and Cas’s place.  Which, admittedly, was still looking pretty far into the future, but it was a good thing that Jimmy was talking about it.  It meant he was looking ahead; looking to move on.

And then Sam had come in from Stanford for a surprise visit, without telling Dean or Cas at all.  Jimmy had never met Sam before, and having a new Alpha barge into his home unexpectedly had triggered a full blown panic attack.  It wasn’t Sam’s fault, but the whole situation was pretty messy.  And then, in his panic, Jimmy took what was probably three times the maximum dose on his anxiety pills. It was an accident, totally, but a terrifying one nonetheless.

He was up all night with heart palpitations and throwing up.  It was probably only because he had Dean and Cas there (Sam rented a motel room for the duration of his visit) to take care of him that he even survived the affair.  And Cas… he had probably been even more of a mess about the whole thing than his brother was.  Dean had to wrestle the phone away from him multiple times when Cas tried to call poison control, even though the situation was mostly under control.  Dean wound up nursing Jimmy back to health almost completely on his own, while he put Cas to bed and make sure his own mate didn’t have a damn heart attack because of all of the commotion.

“Uh, yeah.  How could I forget?  You ruined my favorite AC/DC t-shirt with your vomit,” he answers back snarkily.  Jimmy laughs, tipping his beer bottle in Dean’s direction.

“Yeah, well, I hate to break it to you, but you’re going to have a lot more of your shirts ruined with poop, pee, vomit and all sorts of other bodily fluids in the next few months.” He smirks at the disgusted expression on Dean’s face.  “And I know you’re going to be great at it, Dean.  That baby is going to be so lucky to call you her dad.”

Dean’s cheeks turn pink.  “Thanks for the vote of confidence, man.”

Jimmy shrugs.  “Any time.  So,” He yawns, stretching.  “That’s the only reason you’re up so early, stalking me on Facebook?  Worried about fatherhood?”

Dean sighs.  There’s no use in lying to Jimmy; he’s just like his damn brother.  He sees the truth in all things.  “Couldn’t sleep because of Cas’s scent.  Don’t tell him,” Dean mumbles into the lip of his bottle, taking a deep pull.  Jimmy lifts an eyebrow.

“Scent blockers are a thing, Dean-o.”

“Yeah, but I hate the smell of those, too.  Makes his skin all tacky and he smells like turpentine for a full day every time he uses ‘em,” he grunts.  Jimmy rolls his eyes.

“So instead of talking to him, you sneak out of the house and come hang out with his twin brother?  You know how bad that looks, man?” he asks with a cheeky grin.  Dean glares at him.

“Oh, shut up.  Why are  _ you _ even up this late, anyway?  You having trouble sleeping again?” He asks.  It’s a thinly-veiled way for asking if Jimmy’s nightmares are acting up again.  Not that it’s really any of Dean’s business, but hey.  They’re kind of having a heart-to-heart here, and Dean is kind of stalling going back to his house.  So sue him, he’s not a perfect Alpha.

“I’m just in an adjustment period,” Jimmy says, eyes shifting towards the wall, away from Dean.  “Between meds.  My doc is gonna prescribe me something new next week, she says it’ll… help,” he shrugs, reaching out and flicking at a stray crumb left on the counter from his dinner.  “I’m just kind of… sick of being on pills.  Even if they take the nightmares away, y’know?  I feel like I’m just a zombie sometimes, when I take ‘em.”

Dean is silent, just listening to his friend talk.  Jimmy sighs, slumping down in his seat and resting his chin on his hands.  “And now, well… I haven’t told this to Cas, or anybody really.  But I’m starting early menopause.  That’s why the insomnia,” he gestures vaguely to the room around him, a sour expression on his face.  “And the depression, the weight gain…” He scowls, picking up his beer bottle and bringing it to his lips, but not taking a sip.  “I guess it doesn’t matter, anyway.  I couldn’t have kids regardless.”

“Oh, Jim,” Dean breathes, setting his own beer down and reaching out, clasping both hands around Jimmy’s free hand.  He squeezes tight, looking into Jimmy’s eyes with sincere pain and sympathy.  “I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t tell Cas, please,” Jimmy whispers, placing his beer on the table and grabbing Dean’s hands back.  “It’ll kill him.  He’ll just feel guilty and sad for me and I don’t…,” he swallows hard, “This is a happy time for him.  I want you guys to be happy,” he whispers.  Dean nods, eyes shining as he looks at the painful expression on Jimmy’s face.  

“You know we’re naming you Godfather, of course,” Dean blurts out, as if it's any condolence.  Jimmy’s expression brightens, a smile dancing across his face.  

“Yeah?” He asks, squeezing Dean’s fingers.  “Does that mean I get to know her name before everyone else?” He asks, begging.  Dean chuckles, pulling back, grabbing his beer and tipping the last dregs of the bottle into his mouth.

“Nope, sorry, no can do. Cas’ll have my head if I tell you,” he chuckles, then stands, grabbing his keys from the table.  “I should probably go back.  I left a note and all, but I don’t want him waking up to an empty bed,” he says, glancing at the clock again.  It’s 5:30; Cas will be getting up for his morning pee soon.  The baby has taken to kicking his bladder every morning at approximately 6:02 AM.  

Jimmy pouts.  “Oh, fine, go home and don’t tell me.  I’ll weasel it out of one of you sometime,” he smirks.  Dean shrugs; he’s sure that it’s true.  He offers Jimmy one last wave and then heads out the door, back to his car and back home.  It’s still early and there isn’t any traffic on the road, so he makes it home in record time.  Then he tiptoes back into their bedroom, toeing off his boots and pants and sliding into bed.  As soon as he lays down, Castiel rolls over and drapes himself over Dean’s chest, humming softly in his sleep.

“Missed you, De,” He mumbles, smacking his lips against Dean’s neck.  He smiles, reaching up and plucking the note from his forehead, crumpling it in his hands and wrapping his arms around his mate.

“I love you, baby,” he replies, pulling the blanket over both of them and snuggling in.  Somehow, the smell isn’t bothering him so much anymore.  He closes his eyes, and lets sleep take him.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Graphic Birth!

By the time the end of September has rolled around, things are really starting to look up.  Castiel is just on the cusp of the 34 to 35 week mark, decidedly round and hating every minute where he’s not lying in bed, feet propped on pillows to keep the swelling to a minimum.  The air is crisper, a pleasant chill settling in as the leaves on the Kansas trees turn color from green to red, marking the end of another summer season and the beginning of autumn.

“Ugh,” Dean glares at the trees on the side of the highway as he drives, watching the branches sway in the breeze and leaves flutter to the ground.  “Maybe we can hire somebody to rake the leaves this year. Considering we’re going to be taking care of a baby, and all,” he suggests nonchalantly. Castiel directs him with a sideways look.

“Um, nice try, Dean.  All the leaves will have fallen by the end of October, and this bun isn’t due to pop out of the oven until at least the 29th,” he rubs his hand back and forth over his stomach, tracing his thumb in circles around his protruding belly-button. “You’re gonna be a Halloweenie Baby, aren’t you, sugar-plum?” he murmurs.  Dean rolls his eyes.

“You’re such a sap,” he complains without any heat.  Right now they are on their way to the mall to make a registry for Castiel’s baby shower, one Jimmy insisted that they throw sometime within the next two weeks.  They’d settled unanimously on the furthest date possible, neither of them being much of the “party” kind of people, and set the date for October 14th. Jimmy had accused them of cutting it close, but Castiel insisted that everything would be fine.  

If he went into labor at his baby shower it would be a funny story to tell, anyway.

The first shop they hit is the Baby’s R Us.  Naturally the store is decked out for Halloween, all sorts of autumn themed blankets, costumes and toys placed strategically around the store.  Castiel is just admiring one of the cute candy-corn costumes hanging up for display, loosely holding the registry scanner the helpful shopkeeper had given him when he walked in, when Dean rushes up behind him and nearly startles him out of his own skin shouting in his ear.  He drops the scanner, but luckily it only clatters loudly against the floor and doesn’t break.

“Holy shit, Cas! Look  _ what I found _ !” Dean gasps, and castiel lifts his eyebrows judgmentally when he turns and sees his husband not holding anything monumental in his arms, but instead just a simple button-up onesie, green baby vest and a tiny cloak.  “It’s a  _ baby hobbit costume! _ ” he cries, and he sounds like he’s about to burst into actual tears.  Castiel chuckles.

“So?  They make all sorts of costumes for babies, Dean.”

“We are getting this for the baby, I don’t care what you say,” Dean answers back petulantly, as if Castiel had said Dean couldn’t get it.  He shrugs, holding out the small shopping basket they picked up on their way in and smiling when Dean proudly drops it in.

“What if she’s born after Halloween?” he asks, moving past Dean, their shoulders brushing as he passes.  Dean sticks close to him now, even though they got seperated earlier when Dean lost himself in the baby Halloween costumes aisle.  They are looking at a whole shelf full of formula bottles here, and Cas is reading the description on each bottle to try and decide which one is the best.  “Then you’ll have bought that whole costume for nothing.”

“Oh, contraire,” Dean says, holding up his fingers and wiggling it in Castiel’s face.  “She can wear it whenever she wants. She’ll be our little Hobbit, Cas!”

“I still don’t understand your fascination with those movies,” Castiel answers, shaking his head.  He read and enjoyed the Lord of the Rings series, but he could never bring himself to love the movies the same way Dean did.  The scenes just seemed to lose some grandeur for him when he saw them acted out on screen, rather than imagining them play out in his mind.

“Hey,” Dean chuckles, stepping forward and wrapping his arms around Cas’s belly, squeezing his midsection and rubbing low on the curve of his stomach, “At least when Millie’s born I’ll finally have  _ somebody _ to appreciate classic movies with.”

Castiel rolls his eyes, smiling.  “She’ll be far too immature for you to watch movies with when she’s first born, Dean.  It will be at least three to four years before she can even begin to- _ ooh _ ,” Castiel winces, twisting in Dean’s arms, and the Alpha instantly jerks his hands away from Castiel’s belly, worried he may have squeezed too hard.  Castiel holds himself around his middle, eyes squeezed shut in pain, and he bites his lips to contain a cry.

“Hospital,” he squeaks out, panting as another ragged burst of pain grips his center.  “Oh God, it’s worse than last time. Dean…”

“Hey, hey, come on,” Dean gasps, and he grabs Castiel’s arm, slinging it over his shoulder and helping his husband limp towards the exit of the store.  By this point, other customers have noticed, and a woman who looks like she’s just about nine months pregnant herself rushes over to help Dean carry Cas towards the exit.

“Is he alright?” She asks Dean, then looks at Cas, whose face is scrunched up in pain.  “Sir, I’m a nurse, are you okay?”

“I just…  _ fuck, Dean _ …,” he whines, dropping his chin to his chest, and looks down at the floor just as a large wet spot appears between his legs, amniotic fluid dripping down his thighs.  He lets out a strangled sob. “Oh God, it’s happening. It’s happening  _ now _ .”

“Are you feeling contractions?” the woman asks, helping Cas and Dean now maneuver through the parking lot and to the backseat of the Impala.  Castiel plops down on the bench seat, tipping his head back and shaking his head. He is taking uneven breaths, holding his stomach. A sharp pain shoots up his spine and tears blur his eyes, but he grits his teeth and lets out a short breath through his nose.

“I think I am…,” he says, rubbing his hands over the lowest part of his big belly.  “I think… mmh,” he winces and closes his eyes, then looks up at Dean and the pretty, red-headed woman who helped them to the car.  “We need to get to the hospital. Need to text Jimmy…,” he murmurs, twisting in his seat and reaching for his jacket pocket to extricate his phone and dial up his brother.

“Yeah, text your brother.  Hey, I’m gonna get him to the hospital,” Dean huffs, closing the passenger side door and holding out a hand to the woman.  “Thank you for your help.”

“Let me know how he does,” she says quickly, and she reaches into her purse and produces a small business card with her name and number on it.  Dean nods and takes the slip from her hands, thanking her once again and hastily climbing into the driver’s seat of the Impala. He glances back at Cas, frowning, and looks his husband up and down.  Castiel looks sweat and nervous, his eyes closed as he works through a breathing exercise, but other than that he looks mostly okay.

“You’re gonna be fine, baby,” Dean says as he turns on the engine and peels out of the mall parking lot.  Castiel nods and moans softly, holding the side of his belly, feeling it tighten beneath his fingers. His chest aches, eyes burning, and he lets out a soft sob, bending over his own belly.

“You don’t know that, Dean,” he whispers, voice shaking.  His body racked with shaking sobs, fingers curling around the fabric of his shirt, bunching it up against his tight flesh.  “She’s only 34 weeks. She has another month to go, I can’t…,” he whimpers, pulling in a desperate gasp. He starts to hyperventilate, and Dean twists backward in his seat, grabbing Cas’s shoulder and pushing him back in his seat.

“Cas, you gotta calm down,” he says, quickly looking back at the road and turning his blinker on, ready to merge on to the highway.  The drive to the nearest hospital is just under fifteen minutes, and Dean knows that the faster they get there, the better. If he has to pull over and talk Cas down from a panic attack, that’s precious time they will be wasting to get Cas and their baby the help he needs.  “I know it hurts,” he says when he hears Castiel whimper again. “Why don’t you lie down back there? We’ll be at the hospital in ten minutes, baby.”

Castiel squeezes his eyes shut, tears rolling down his cheeks, but he takes Dean’s advice.  Not having to sit relieves some of the pressure on his back and ass, and he sighs, pressing his cheek against the cool leather cushion of the Impala’s back seat.  He takes a deep, shuddery breath and rubs his hands over his belly.

“At 34 weeks the baby’s lungs aren’t fully developed.  Her immune system will be weak. She might… she’ll need to be put on a ventilator,” he trembles, fingertips pressing into his skin. “She’ll… she’ll be small,” he gasps.  A hard contraction sends pain up his spine again and he muffles a groan against the meat of his bicep. “Too small…”

“That’s not true, she’s gonna be just fine.  Just hold on, Cas. Did you text Jimmy?”

“Mmm,” Castiel grunts, grabbing his phone from where he placed it on the seat and looking at the screen.  Sure enough, Jimmy had responded, but his texts were anything but helpful in a stressful situation.

_ <<Bro what????? _

_ <<omg fuck but youre only 8 months preggo _

_ <<maybe this means ur timeline was off and the baby is actually deans! :DDD _

_ <<Cassie are you ok _

_ <<what hospital are you going to??? I will meet u there _

_ <<fuck i just packed a bowl i cant drive _

_ <<ill get a cab.  Cas are you ok?!?? answer me!!!!!! _

Castiel lets out a loud, pained groan, but this one isn’t connected to a contraction.  Dean glances back at him, concerned, but Castiel just shakes his head and begins to type a response to his brother.

_ >>Dean is driving us to Saint Lukes now.  Dont smoke and drive moron _

_ >>We’ll know more about my condition and the baby once we get to the hospital _

He wants to be optimistic, like Dean, but he doesn’t want to get his hopes up and jinx his baby.  34 weeks isn’t too early to go into labor, but it’s still earlier than any mother or obstetrician would prefer.  His baby is in danger right now, and Castiel knows it. He holds his belly, feeling another contraction in his lower back.  He blows out a harsh breath through his nose and squeezes his eyes shut, grunting in surprise when the Impala rolls to a sudden stop.

“ER’s got Valet parking.  Come on,” Dean says, shifting the Impala;s manual gear into Park and hopping out of the front seat, helping Castiel sit up in the back seat and collecting him in his arms.  Castiel insists on standing on his own, although his legs feel weak, and he and Dean make their way through the sliding doors to the emergency room.

After that, everything happens in a relative blur.  The obstetrician on duty is strange to them both, which Castiel is not happy with, because he discussed his birth plan with his regular OB at length.  But the woman who helps them now —her name is Tessa, and she’s a pretty Beta with long black hair pulled into a tight ponytail—is kind and soft and she treats all of Castiel’s concerns with all the seriousness that he needs to feel secure right now.

The ultrasound reveals that their baby is, by all means except the fact that she’s going to be delivered a few weeks early, okay.  Her head and shoulders are even turned towards Castiel’s cervix, and Tessa announces in a cheery voice that this should make the delivery that much easier for Castiel and the baby.  

She promises Castiel that he’ll get his epidural soon, but doesn’t want to administer it until he has entered active labor.  Right now, he’s only dilated about two centimeters, despite his water having already broken at the mall. It was probably his condition of PPROM that had caused him to go into early labor, and despite Castiel’s and the doctors’ best efforts, it’s not unusual for PPROM patients to deliver their babies prematurely.

Dean sits on the edge of Castiel’s bed, fingers intertwined with Castiel’s, his free hand rubbing back and forth over the top of Castiel’s belly.  His Omega turns to look at him, pillowing his cheek against Dean’s arm and sniffing.

“I’m scared,” he admits, quietly.  Dean squeezes his fingers and smiles.

“You’re gonna be fine, Cas.  Trust me.”

He blinks up at Dean, frowning.  “You’re scared, too,” he murmurs.  Dean shrugs, bending down to kiss Castiel’s forehead, then using his sleeve to brush the sweat away from his temple.

“Well, a little bit of fear is the spice of life.  Hey,” his lips split into a grin, “this means she’ll be here in time for Halloween, afterall.”

Castiel laughs, reaching up to wipe the tears from his eyes, returning Dean‘s contagious smile.  “As long as she’s alright, I’ll let you put her in whatever stupid costume you want.”

Dean’s eyes light up.  “Awesome,” he murmurs, rubbing Castiel’s belly.  The scrub shirt they changed Castiel into when he arrived at the hospital rides up, revealing his tan skin and the thin, light-colored stretch marks that pull at the tight skin of his big belly.  Beneath his hand Dean feels movement, and he smiles, turning to deliver another kiss to his forehead. “Any chance you’ll let her middle name be Leia, too?”

Castiel rolls his eyes and pinches Dean’s forearm, smiling at the way his husband laughs.  When the next contraction comes he groans, burying his face in the pillows on the bed. He lets out a heavy sigh as he sinks back against the mattress.  He groans, struggling to prop himself up, and eases up out of the bed.

“I need to walk around.”

Dean stands along with Castiel, stretching and watching as his mate makes his way around the room, groaning and bending over against the end of the bed.

“I’m going to go grab some Twix bars.  Do you want anything? Some gatorade?”

Castiel’s nostrils flare, signaling the pain of another contraction, and he nods.  “Skittles, please. And… can you check if Jimmy’s in the waiting room? I think he just texted me,” Cas says, glancing over at the table by the side of the bed where he can see his phone vibrating with some new text messages.  Dean nods, stepping forward to press a chaste kiss to his mate’s lips and heading off to collect some snacks for them both.

Castiel is in labor for… a long time.  He naps for a while, after the epidural has been administered, tired out from dealing with the pain of labor and walking around.  Jimmy orders a pizza, complaining that he’s absolutely starving and didn’t get a chance to eat lunch since he came to the hospital as soon as Castiel texted him.  Dean doesn’t hide the fact that he’s rolling his eyes at his brother-in-law, but he also doesn’t stop himself from enjoying two slices of Jimmy’s pizza when his own stomach begins to growl.

“Want some pizza, babe?” Dean asks as Castiel blinks awake, grunting and holding his stomach at the sudden feeling of pressure being released.  He lifts his eyebrows at Dean in confusion, then looks over his shoulder and sees Jimmy sitting with the pizza box in his lap, a half-eaten slice hanging from his mouth.  He rolls his eyes.

“Really, guys?” He asks.  Jimmy shrugs, holding out his half-eaten slice to Castiel, but he shakes his head and instead turns to look down at his belly.

“Feels like I’ve got to push,” he says.  Jimmy leaps up from the couch, excited.

“Really?  Here, let me check you!” He cries, rushing forward, but Dean blocks him swiftly by holding out his arm and glaring at his brother-in-law.

“I don’t think so.  Are you a doctor?” he asks, reaching out and tapping the Nurse Call button.  An Omega nurse bustles in shortly after, then calls for Tessa when Castiel explains to her that he feels ready to push.

“Let’s get this show on the road,” Tessay says, folding the blanket up over Castiel’s thighs and helping him to get his legs in position.  He’s decided he wants to push on his back, but may change position if it suits him later. “On the next contraction I want you to show me a nice, big push,” she says, and places her fingers at his sticky wet opening.

Castiel lets out a low moan when he pushed with the next contraction.  His daughter is definitely eager to meet the rest of the world right now, and he feels her head drop into his birth canal even with the epidural, the pressure intense.   With one hand, he reaches down between his legs, feeling the outward curve of her head as it slowly emerges from his body. Tessa’s hands touch his, helping guide the baby’s skull as he pushed her out.  The stretch burns, easily the most painful thing he’s felt since his water broke hours ago. 

“Heh, heh, ow, ow” he pants through another contraction, trying to slow her entrance.  The rest of the world fades away. He can hear his mate and brother giving him encouragement, and though he can’t make out exactly what they were saying, their tone let him know everything is going to be ok.  He whimpers, closing his eyes, and presses chin to chest on the next push.

The fingertips of his other hand dig into the meat of his thigh as he gave little pushes to ease the pup’s head out little bit by little bit.  He hears an exclamation at the same time that he feels her head finally slip free. He breathes through another contraction as the baby turns, and then with one final push, she slides out into Tessa’s waiting arms.

Tessa quickly clears her mouth and rubbed her down, checking her over, counting her fingers and toes.  Instead of crying, she gives an indignant squawk at the rough treatment, little arms and legs kicking out in protest.  She is quiet, but alert, already pinking up as her lungs pump oxygen through her body.

“Here, hold her,” Tessa says, and stands, placing the little infant on Castiel’s bare belly, still contracting as he releases the placentas.  “We need to take her away for testing, but you should hold her first.”

Castiel breathes out a quiet breath, heart pounding as he gazes down at the beautiful infant squirming on his chest.  She’s pink and soft, small, and perfect. He lets out a quiet sob, one hand settling lightly over her torso, feeling her chest rise and fall as she continues to breathe on her own.  Just the sight of it, her lungs working on their own, brings tears to his eyes. The infant blinks up at him with wide blue eyes.

“Hello, pup,” he whispers softly, smiling down at her.  She answers him with a tiny sigh, and Dean leans over them both, arm brushing the back of Cas’s neck and he bends down to greet his daughter for the first time.

“Oh, look at her,” he whispers, reaching out with a careful hand, stroking his hand over dark, wet hair on her scalp and smiling when she blinks owlishly up at him.  He laughs. “She has your eyes, Cas.”

Castiel smiles, eyes glued to his daughter.  “She’s perfect. I love her.”

“What’s her name?” Jimmy asks, popping up beside Dean and leaning forward, craning to get a better look at his newborn niece.  He knows better than to reach out and touch; the first few minutes of a pup’s life are crucial for them to scent bond with their parents, and touching the pup could confuse her.

Castiel smiles, looking up at his brother.  “Well, I guess we can tell you now,” he chuckles, then looks back down at his daughter, smiling when she reaches out and rests her chubby hand on his bare chest.  Her fingers are so small and pink. “Say hello to Hannah Millie Winchester. The newest member of our family.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what your THOUGHTS ARE!!!
> 
> A/N: I just want to tell you guys that it was hard making decisions on how this chapter should go. I am very pleased with how it turned out and we will learn more about the baby’s condition/the legal situation between Dean, Benny and Cas and the baby next chapter.
> 
> I am just adding this little blurb to disclaim that Jimmy’s comment about Cas ‘mixing up the timeline’ and Dean being the baby’s real biological father was 100% a JOKE. I am disclaiming right now that that is NOT endgame. It will never happen. I will not write it. The idea of ending a serious, emotionally exploratory fic like this with such a cliche, childish ending is funny to me and that’s why I put that in as a throw away line Jimmy said while high on drugs. Please don’t inundate me with comments asking if Dean is really the father!
> 
> Still, I ENCOURAGE ALL COMMENTS! Please let me know how you liked this chapter. Love you guys! Xo


	16. Chapter 16

“Oh, baby,” Dean whispers, bouncing his sweet, sleepy daughter in his arms, holding her close to the warmth of his chest.  “Baby, baby,” he says, rocking her, lifting her up under the arms so he can raise her to his face and press warm kisses to her cheeks.  “You’re so beautiful, baby girl.”

Hannah’s lips twist up and down at the sensation of Dean’s stubbly chin poking her face, and she gurgles softly as he continues to bounce her up and down. Cas smiles at them from across the kitchen table, watching his husband coddle their daughter as he buttons his shirt back up.  He just finished feeding Hannah her second meal of the day, and now his chest is sticky and he feels like he could use a good shower.

“Hey,” he says, easing out of his chair and walking over to Dean’s side of the table.  He bends down and kisses his husband’s temple. “Have you got her? I’d like to take a bath.”

Dean nods, eyes focused intently on his daughter.  She has these brilliant blue eyes that are so big and alert, and Dean feels so hopelessly in love with her that he can’t even stand it.  She smells like Cas, like roses and chocolate and pine needles, and not even a hint of orange to her scent. Dean lips her up and places another kiss on her head, smiling when she reaches out and grabs ahold of his earlobe and tugs.

"Yeah, I’ve got this girl taken care of.  She’s gonna make a nice, big burp for me,” Dean grins, bouncing her in his arms, peppering her face with kisses.  She makes a soft noise, Dean isn’t sure if it’s one of happiness or complaint, and squirms away from the ticklish touch of his beard against her cheek.  Dean chuckles and holds her close, rubbing her back, letting her face rest in the crook of his neck. “Come on, sweetheart. Just don’t spit up on me again,” he says softly.

For the first few days after Hannah was born, the hospital kept her in the NICU for close monitoring and intensive care.  Her lungs were perfectly fine, thank goodness, but she couldn’t seem to keep down any food. Literally everything the nurses out into her mouth would come right back up, and that was a serious problem.  They kept her on a full IV for a few days, until finally she was able to accept formula. Then, the nurses showed Cas how to nurse, and things became much better after that. Hannah was a natural at breastfeeding, and both her parents were happy to see her doing well again.

Hannah snuffles against Dean’s neck. She squirms, then lets out a very audible burp, and settles back into Dean’s arms.  He laughs triumphantly, patting the small of her back and rocking her against his chest.

“Aw, good girl.  I think that was your biggest burp yet, you know,” he says, kissing her ear and all along the side of her face.  She makes another soft noise, reaching out and patting Dean’s hairy cheek with her little hand. With the baby finally home, Dean hasn’t really had the time to shave for the last couple of days.  Or sleep. Or pretty much do anything. Dean is pretty sure that the bath Castel is taking right now is the first one either of them have taken since hannah came home from the hospital four days ago.

Hannah whines, squirming, and she makes a soft noise that sounds suspiciously like the beginnings of a cry. Dean shushes her, rubbing her back, and she kicks her legs against his body and releases a full cry that echoes throughout the room.  Dean keeps shushing her, rocking her back and forth, kissing the top of her head over and over. Hannah has quite a head of hair, and it’s full and dark like Cas’s. She really is the spitting image of her Omega father.

Dean hasn’t had any adjustment issues to having the baby in the house so far, and both her and cas are eternal grateful for their biological stroke of luck.  Their doctor warned them that Infant Adjustment Syndrome was very common in the Alphas of adoptive families, and they shouldn’t be surprised if Dean started exhibiting symptoms.  Unfortunately, Dean wasn’t exactly sure if his and castiel’s marriage could take the strain of something like that. They’ve already suffered so much, and have made so much progress to get over Castiel’s affair with Benny, that something like IAS would shake their relationship to its core.

Dean kisses the top of Hannah’s head again and shushes her as she continues to wail.  He closes his eyes and sighs, relaxing. Shouldn’t he be more stressed, with an infant shrieking in his arms and kicking his belly with her tiny feet?  All he feels right now is content.

“Oh, sweetheart,” dean says, voice little more than whisper.  He coos at his daughter. “Come on now,  _ Hush, little baby don’t say a word.  Papa’s gonna buy you a Mockingbird _ ,” he sings, rocking her, peppering her face with kisses.  He pauses, and for good measure, he adds Rue’s Mockingjay Whistle on to the end of the verse.  Hannah’s eyes widen and she goes quiet suddenly, staring at Dean’s face, evidently waiting for him to make another crazy noise.  He smiles hugs her closer to his chest. “Oh, sweetheart, I  _ knew _ you were gonna be a nerd, just like your daddy.”

Hannah squeals and slaps her hand against Dean’s chest, and then she says, “Eaah!”  Dean lifts his eyebrows at her and nods in agreement.

“Are you talking to me, gorgeous?” he asks.  Hannah huffs and growls softly, and Dean smiles.  “Oh, is that so? I didn’t know you had such an opinion on the matter.”

Hannah gurgles loudly and lifts her hand up again, resting it against Dean’s chest.  Dean nods, smiling, and takes her little hand in between his fingers.

“I totally agree with you, baby.  I think you should take all these ideas, and run for Kansas Senate.  How’s that sound?” he asks. Hannah simply blinks up at him owlishly, and Dean purses his lips, reaching out to tickle under her chubby chin.  “What’s the matter? You don’t like that idea?”

“Aahh,” Hannah replies, and opens her mouth, trying to get Dean’s finger into her mouth to suck on.  Dean allows her, making a gross face at the yucky sensation. He reaches for her Winnie-the-Pooh pacifier, sitting on the table and sticks it into her mouth.  She closes her eyes and sucks contentedly.

“Oh, I see.  You just want to sleep.  Is that right?”

Hannah doesn’t respond, but she does move her hand away from Dean’s chest and lets it fall back own into her own lap.  Slowly, carefully, Dean eases out of his chair and creeps towards the nursery. He’s careful not to make any sudden adjustments that might wake the baby, and amazingly, he’s successful in transplanting her from his own arms and into her crib.  He smiles as he looks down at her, watching her sleep, and feels his heart fill with more love than he thinks he’s ever felt in his lifetime.

“Hey,” Castiel’s hoarse voice calls from the hallway, and Dean looks up to see his husband leaning against the doorway, a towel draped around his waist as water drips from his long, messy hair.  Castiel’s belly is still a little swollen from the pregnancy, and his tits are puffy and sensitive from all the feeding. Still, Dean can’t help but blink at his husband’s body, admiring it. 

Castiel sees his husband’s eyes wandering his body and he blushes, turning away.

“The shower’s free if you want it, babe.  You finally got her to go to sleep?”

Dean chuckles, nodding.  “Yeah. She told me she wants to run for Kansas Senate.”

Castiel lifts an eyebrow and turns back, arms crossed over his chest.  He can’t help the smile that creeps over his face. “S’that so?”

“Oh yeah,” Dean chuckles, stepping away from the crib with one last glance at his daughter, and he steps closer to Cas, backing him up against the wall.  He reaches out and loops his arms around castiel’s strong hips, lips ghosting when he smiles and says, “She’s says she’s gonna be the first female U.S. President.”

Castiel’s face brightens with a smile, and Dean leans forward to capture his lips in a slow, sweet kiss.  Castiel reaches up and cups his cheek, patting him on the side of his face as they break apart.

“Let me watch Hannie for a while, you go take a shower.  And shave all this junk off your face,” he teases, scrunching his nose up as he drags his fingers through Dean’s beard.  Dean swats his hand away, smiling as he does it.

“Hey, I like my beard.  And so does Hannah, by the way,” he snarks.  Castiel smiles.

“Oh, did she tell you that too?”

“Mmhm,” Dean nods, closing his eyes when castiel leans forward and plants another kiss to his mouth.  He feels the Omega reach around, patting him on the butt, ushering him out of the nursery while he also goes down the hallway to their bedroom to get dressed.  He growls and pulls away. “Alright, alright. I know I smell, I’m goin’ to take a shower.”

──────⊱◈◈◈⊰──────

“Field trip time!” Castiel announces, smiling at Hannah as he buckles her into her infant car seat and presses a gentle kiss to her temple. “We’re gonna go see your Uncle Jimmy. Are you excited?”

Hannah huffs and let’s out a little gurgle, reaching out with her little arms to touch his nose. Castiel lets her, closing his eyes and chuckling when she pulls at his nostrils with her little fingers.

“Hey Cas,” Dean says from the front seat, “Jimmy’s just texted me that if we’re not there in the next ten minutes he’s going to eat all of the pizza he ordered, so…”

“Dean, this is her first adventure out of the house,” Castiel banters, pulling out his cell phone and  opening Snapchat. He snaps a few good photos of Hannah and posts them to his story. “We need to make sure her car seat is comfortable.”

Dean lifts an eyebrow and gestures to Cas’s phone. “It looks like you’re just taking pictures to me.”

“That’s important too,” Castiel says, stuffing his phone back in his pocket and then sliding into the backseat to sit next to Hannah in her carrier. Dean starts the car and they begin their journey across town. “I have to keep making frequent Facebook and Snapchat updates, or else my mother will want to make a trip from Seattle to see the baby. And you and I both know that seeing my mom outside of Christmas and Easter is not a good idea.”

Dean snorts in agreement. Castiel’s mother is… overbearing, to say the least. They shouldn’t give her an excuse to come visit more often than she already does.

They get to Jimmy’s house in just over ten minutes, and Dean carries Hannah into the house in her car seat.

“You better not have eaten all the pizza, you rat bastard!” He calls upon he and Castiel letting themselves in to the house. Jimmy walks out of the kitchen, ignoring Dean and heading straight for the baby carrier he’s set on the couch. 

“The delivery guy didn’t even get here yet, don’t worry,” he says, making quick work of unbuckling Hannah’s seatbelt and scooping her into his arms. “Oh, you are so beautiful!” He cries. Hannah squawks indignantly at the loud noise, and Jimmy quickly shushes her, pressing kisses to the top of her head. “She is so beautiful, oh my God.”

“Keep her head supported,” Castiel worries. Jimmy nods, grinning, and adjusts Hannah in his arms so she is looking up at him. Dean smiles at his husband and pulls him in to kiss his cheek.

“Hey, don’t worry. Jimmy’s got her,” he says, and watches as his brother-in-law settles down on the couch with their daughter held close to his chest.  He coos at her, and she scrunches up her nose and sneezes. Castiel smiles, coming to sit next to his brother, and Jimmy looks at him with bright eyes.

“Hey,” he grins, then looks back down at Hannah squirming in his arms, “Can I keep her?”

Castiel doesn’t answer, simply wrapping an arm around his brother’s shoulder and squeezing his arm.  Jimmy sighs and leans into his brother’s side, looking down at Hannah with teary eyes. “Fuck, this came out of you, Cas,” he says.  Castiel rolls his eyes, but he’s smiling.

“Well, yes, that’s generally the way of these things,” he answers.  Jimmy turns narrowed eyes on his brother, then reaches out with his free hand to poke Castiel’s chest.  His finger bounces against Castiel’s newly rounded tits.

“Hey, what’s it like to have boobs?” He asks.  Castiel scowls.

“Jimmy,” he warns, and reaches out to take Hannah from his brother’s arms.  Jimmy lets her go, albeit reluctantly, and props his head on his hand and leans over Cas’s shoulder to watch the baby.

“Are you gonna feed her?”

“No, we’re in public,” Castiel answers, frowning.  Jimmy scoffs.

“Hey, this isn’t public, it’s my house.  You could feed her if you wanted,” Jimmy says, nudging Castiel’s shoulder when he refuses to acknowledge his brother.  Hannah is squirming and colicky, and Castiel is trying to calm her with gentle rocking. Jimmy nudges him again, and Castiel looks up with a glare.

“Come on, feed her.  I want to see!”

“Jimmy,” Castiel hisses, narrowing his eyes at his brother.  “Stop being a perve,” he growls.

Dean coughs.  “I wouldn’t mind seein’ a flash of your tiddies, Cas.” He smirks.  Castiel glares at him from under heavy lashes. He is clearly unamused.

“Refer to my chest as ‘tiddies’ once more and you will never touch my nipples again, Winchester,” he growls.  Dean sticks his hands up in surrender, shaking his head and walking past the couch towards the kitchen.

“Hey, I’m just being honest.  You got any beer, Jim?”

“Bottom crisper,” he calls, then pokes Castiel’s shoulder again.  “Oh, come on Cas, I’m not being perverted. You and I used to compare junk  _ all the time _ when we were kids.”

Castiel makes a strangled noise in his throat.  “Dude, we were like  _ eight years old _ then.  Anyway, what are you gonna do?  Grope my boobs? Spoiler alert, they’re squishy and sore.”

Jimmy pouts, and Castiel rolls his eyes and pulls his collar down to flash his boob at his brother.  Jimmy gasps, all in mock surprise. Castiel huffs in annoyance, but he can’t help the way he smiles at his brother’s antics.  He adjusts his shirt back onto his shoulder and returns his attention to Hannah, who is waving her arms around her head, grasping on to Castiel’s shirt every time he moves.  

“Bro, your nipples are huge.  Are they usually like that, or…?” Jimmy says.  Dean walks into the room, looks between the two of them for a solid few seconds, and then turns around and walks back into the kitchen.  Castiel, who was ready to snap at his brother for his stupid comments, instead breaks down in a fit of giggles and can’t hold on to Hannah anymore.  Jimmy takes her from him when the infant starts to whine, and Castiel lounges back on the couch, finally relaxing.

“Ugh, I haven’t slept in three days,” he huffs.  Jimmy makes a sympathetic noise, but it’s clear that he’s focused on his niece now.  He’s cooing at her and making promises under his breath that he’s going to spoil her to death; Castiel decides not to be worried about it.  “And, since you asked, I have been told that I have naturally large nipples.”

That gets Jimmy’s attention.  He lifts his eyebrows. “Who the hell told you that?”

“I don’t know,” cas says with a shrug and a blush.  “My doctor… A few of my ex-boyfriends…”

Jimmy snorts.  “How many boyfriends have you  _ had _ ?”

“I got around in college,” Cas says, smiling when he looks up and sees his husband coming back into the room, this time with two extra beers in his hands.  He hands one to Cas, then sets the other down on the table in front of Jimmy. “Hey, you just missed our conversation about the abnormal size of my nipples.”

Dean nods, like this is a normal or casual lunchtime conversation, and settles into a nearby armchair with a tired sigh.  “Ugh, I haven’t slept in three days,” he moans. Castiel reaches out and squeezes his hand, and Dean leans forward to press kisses to his knuckles.  “Hey, I know Omegas with bigger nipples than you, baby. Don’t feel bad about it.”

Jimmy coughs.  “What the fuck?  Why does everyone have such big nipples?” He asks with a scowl.  Dean smirks and shrugs.

“Hell if I know.  It’s okay, I hear they have plastic surgery for nipple enlargement now.  Are you considering?” he asks, and he only has a few seconds to duck out of the way of the magazine Jimmy pelts at his head.  They all laugh, and life is good.

—-──────⊱◈◈◈⊰──────

“You’ve been served,” Sam says with a scowl, and with a heavy sigh he flops down at his brother’s kitchen table, sliding a stack of papers towards Castiel.  Hannah is tucked to his chest in a light pink baby carrier, suckling quietly at his chest. Hannah’s been a fast learner, especially in the breastfeeding department, and at a little less than two weeks old she needs practically no guidance for latching on to Castiel’s nipple and feeding.

He reaches out and takes the paper’s, frowning as his eyes scan the header of the page.   _ Law Offices of Dick Roman _ .  It’s an order filing for joint custody of the baby.  Their baby. Castiel’s stomach rolls, and he feels sick to his stomach.   _ No _ , he thinks, and his knuckles curl around the baby carrier and he feels Hannah shift against his chest, letting out a soft whimper.  She may be an infant, but Hannah is already so in tune with Castiel’s scent that she is reacting to his discomfort.  _ Hannah is not Benny’s daughter.  She’s mine and Dean’s. _

“Well,” Castiel says, his tone measured, “we’ll just serve him right back.  He’s not coming near Hannah.”

Sam’s lips twitch and he nods, pulling the papers back across the table.  “Yeah, we will. The restraining order, combined with Benny’s DUI record and both Dean’s and your history with him should be enough to deny his motion.  Well, you put Dean’s name on the birth certificate, so she’s been legally claimed by an Alpha. Benny and his lawyer are gonna try to demand a DNA sample to prove paternity, but they can’t compel it unless Dean consents.  Which is not going to happen.” He pushes the papers to the side and leans forward, smiling at Hannah. She’s stopped feeding now and turned her head to the side, her lips opening in a big yawn as she blinks tiredly up at Castiel.  “She’s so beautiful, Cas.”

Castiel smiles, stroking a hand over his daughters head and gazing down at her.  “Yeah, she really is,” he says. Then he smiles up at Sam. “Thinkin’ of making a few of your own?”

Sam shrugs.  “You know, if Eileen wants kids I think it would be nice.  But we’re nowhere near ready for something like that,” he snorts.  “Maybe we could start with a smaller commitment, like a cat. Or a dog,” Sam’s eyes light up at his own idea, and he looks like he’s had an epiphany.  “Actually, that’s a great idea.”

Castiel grins, rubbing Hannah’s back to help her burp.  He shakes his head at Sam.

“Maybe before you run to the pet store you should talk to Eileen? For all you know she might be allergic,” he says, teasingly.  Sam’s nose scrunches up.

“That would be terrible.”  Sam is quiet for a few moments, watching Cas as he rocks Hannah back and forth, watching Castiel’s face.  Holding his daughter, he just looks so happy. “How’s Dean doing?” he asks. Castiel looks up, and his smile doesn’t waiver.  

“He’s doing really well.  I think that he really likes being a father,” he says, looking back down at Hannah, stroking his fingers through the few wispy, dark locks of hair she has on her head.  “You should see the way he looks at Hannah. Like she’s the most precious thing in the world.”

Sam looks at Hannah, then at Cas.  He smiles. “Dean’s always wanted to be a dad.  Changed my diapers when I was a baby,” he licks his lips.  “He used to babysit the neighbor’s kids when he was in highschool.  I remember ‘cause he’d always drag me along,” he rolls his eyes. “I hated being around them because they were always so loud.  But Deann,” he smiles and shakes his head. “Used to cook them dinner, help them with their homework, play board games, read them bedtime stories.  He took to being a parent like a duck to water.”

Castiel nods, and he strokes his hand over the top of Hannah’s head.  “He sings to her every night,” he says. “Hey Jude. And all these other lullabies.  I’ve never even heard half of them,” he chuckles, chewing his bottom lip. Hannah is drifting somewhere between sleep and wakefulness in his arms, and she smacks her lips against his chest.  He snorts, “I think he’s so much more cut out for fatherhood than I am.”

Sam smiles reassuringly.  “I think you’re doing all right.  I mean,” he licks his lips, “she’s not crying now, y’know?”

Castiel snorts, laughing, and nods at Sam’s words.  “You’re right,” he agrees, leaning down and pressing a gentle kiss to her forehead.  Her eyes pop open and she blinks at him, and Cas could swear that she’s glaring. She doesn’t appreciate being awoken from her light slumber.  “She’s my everything, Sam. Our everything. She’s an angel.”

Sam nods, lips pulling into a tight line. 

“Well then,” he nods, and smiles tightly.  “I’ll make sure that Benny doesn’t take her away from you.”


	17. Chapter 17

Castiel escapes from the courtroom shortly after the judge reaches his decision, rushing off to the Omega bathrooms to take some deep breaths before he has to face his husband and Sam again.  They were only a few steps behind him as they were exiting the room, but he doesn’t want Dean to see him worked up like this. He’s probably already sick to his stomach about the judge’s decision, and he doesn’t need Castiel’s burnt rubber scent to put him into an even fouler mood.

A custody evaluation.  The judge had ordered a freaking  _ custody evaluation _ , along with a court order for their daughter’s DNA.

He’d gone in expected this case to be a hole in one for his family, but now… now he’s not so sure.  Judge Turner’s words echo in his mind:  _ If I were the ruling judge on a case like this, I wouldn’t be siding with you. _

There’s a knock at the bathroom door and then Sam, of all people, pokes his head into the Omega restroom.  He smiles sheepishly at Cas, glances around to check that nobody else is there, and then he slides the rest of the way into the room.  Cas quickly dashes at the hot tears on his face, rubbing his swollen eyes and blotchy cheeks. He sniffs and stands straight, unable to meet Sam’s gaze.

“Hey, I’ll be right out.  I just had to take a whiz,” he says.  Sam nods.

“Uh huh.  Cas, look…”

“It’s okay, Sam.  It was never a sealed deal.  This is my fault to begin with and now I’m going to deal with it.”

Sam frowns.  “How do you plan to do that, exactly?” he asks with scrutiny.  Castiel shrugs, looking at Sam in the mirror to see if he looks upset.  Sam gazes at him with sadness in his eyes, pain and sympathy. Castiel’s chest hurts.  “Look, man, I know this is upsetting, but you’re not alone. You don’t have to take on all this responsibility by yourself.  We’re a family and we’re all going to fight for Hannah.”

Castiel sniffles and wipes his nose.  His eyes burn, and he lets them slip closed, his shoulders slumping as he bends over the sink counter again.  “None of this is fair to Dean. I should have… I should have just divorced him when I found out I was pregnant.  He doesn’t deserve to have to deal with this when it’s all my damn fault in the first place,” Castiel says. Sam frowns, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Dude, you think that’s what Dean wants?”

“I think that all the stress that this is causing is killing him.  Whether he realizes it or not. I’m no good for him!”

Sam huffs, glancing towards the door, then back at Castiel.  No doubt, Dean is waiting for them both outside.

“We both know that doing something rash like that would only hurt both of you.  He loves you, Cas, and you love him. You both love Hannah, if anything, and that should mean more than…,” he trails off, letting out a frustrated sigh.  Castiel sniffs again, listening to his friend silently, feeling the tear tracks drying on his face. “I get that you’re upset, but you can’t just jump to the terrible conclusion that you should get a divorce every time there’s a hiccup in your relationship!  You’ve got to carry on.”

Castiel feels his chest constrict again,and his eyes sting painfully with tears which he refuses to shed.  “But I’m so tired.”

“Cas,” Sam sighs, and he steps forward, pulling his friend into a tight hug.  Castiel presses his nose into Sam’s chest, rubbing snot and tears against his pressed linen shirt, and Sam pats him on the back roughly a couple of times.  “You’re strong. You’re going to get through this. I promise,” he says.

The door swings open, and a young Omega girl stands awkwardly in the doorway staring at Castiel and Sam in their close embrace.  Sam clears his throat and steps away from Cas, grabbing some napkins to dab at his shirt and waving at his brother-in-law.

“Hey, finish cleaning yourself up.  Dean and I are right outside,” he says, and darts out.  Castiel smiles awkwardly at the girl as she scurries into one of the bathroom stalls, and he bends down to splash water on his face a couple times before he feels confident enough to go back into the hallway and face his husband.

Worst case scenario, Benny’s bid for joint custody is approved, and he and Hannah pack up in the middle of the night and flee the country.  Jimmy would wire them money, and he could write letters to Dean. Send postcards. It wouldn’t be the best life, but then… at least he’d be far away from Benny then, and he wouldn’t be a burden to his husband anymore.

When he walks out into the hallway, Dean slings an arm around his hip and they walk side by side into the courthouse parking lot.  “Babe, you okay?” He asks. Castiel shrugs, and as soon as they reach the car he pulls away from his husband’s embrace. He lets Sam have the front seat, and opens the door to the back for himself.

“I just want to see Hannah.”

Dean flashes Castiel a small smile, but it comes off as more of a grimace than a happy expression.  There’s pain and concern in his eyes, and he watches Cas through the dashboard mirror. “Speed limit in town’s 35, and your brother’s house is about ten miles down the road.  So, if I speed I think I can have us there in ten?” he says, smirking at Cas when he cracks a small smile. Sam coughs.

“Um, please, I don’t want to die today,” he says stoically.  Dean rolls his eyes.

“Ugh, you’re such a baby.  Even Hannah doesn’t complain about my driving as much as you do,” he says, starting the car and peeling out of the lot.  Sam scowls in Dean’s direction.

“That’s because she’s a two-month old, and she can’t talk.  Anybody who has ever driven in this car with you can attest that you are an awful driver,” Sam banters.  Dean scoffs, feigning the highest level of offense.

“Cas, do you agree with this?” He calls.  Castiel shakes his head.

“I’m afraid I’m going to have to abstain from this particular argument,” Castiel says, attempting a sly smirk, “on account that I don’t want to offend you because I  _ love _ you.”  His voice cracks when he says love, and he quickly turns his head away to look out the window, not wanting to talk anymore.  Sam and Dean continue to bicker in the front seat, but he tunes them out. He just wants to get home to his daughter, hold her in his arms and feel her against his chest, know that she’s safe and loved.

“Hey, how’d everything go?” Jimmy asks as he opens the door to his house, letting Sam and Dean and Cas all come in.  He’s holding baby Hannah against his chest, snug in her little Hobbit onesie (Dean has insisted on dressing her in it at least once per week, despite the fact that Halloween was over three weeks ago).  He hands her off to Castiel when he reaches for her, frowning at the way his brother shakes his head and walks off into the living room without another word.

“He’s taking it pretty hard,” Dean says quietly, a sad frown on his face, “The judge ordered for a custody evaluation.”

“Shit.  What’s that mean?  They’re taking Hannah away?”

Sam clears his throat.  “No, not quite. It means they’ll send an agent from family services down to evaluate Benny; his physical and emotional health, his living conditions, stability.  If they determine him a fit parent, he’ll get visitation rights and will also be able to challenge Dean’s claim on the baby. If he wants.”

Jimmy’s jaw drops, and he glances over his shoulder towards the living room, where Castiel is lying on the couch with his eyes closed, his daughter tucked close under his chin. He looks back at Sam and Dean, jaw clenched.

“Is he going to get it?  Will they really approve him?”

Sam shakes his head.  “It really depends on who his evaluator is.  The courts usually carry a bias to side with the Omega mothers in these cases, but Cas…,” Sam lets out a heavy sigh, scratching the back of his neck.  “To most conservative judges, he isn’t exactly the most sympathetic character.”

Jimmy balks at that.  “What are you talking about?  Did you see the look on his fact?  Smell the depression rolling off that boy?” Jimmy asks, gesturing passionately towards his living room, where Castiel is sitting serving as evidence of a very sympathetic cause.  “You look at him and tell me how he’s not sympathetic.”

“Because all those asshole judges see is that he’s an Omega who cheated on his Alpha, and got knocked up,” Dean says gruffly, crossing his arms over his chest.  Jimmy turns on him, eyes narrowed, but Dean doesn’t recoil as he carries on, “And they don’t know him personally. They don’t know what a good person he is. How much of a good husband and mother he is.  They probably think he’s some sort of manipulative, controlling Omega who’s got his Alpha whipped into taking care of another man’s baby, and they are never going to want to take his side. And that’s the only reason why that judge granted a custody evaluation in the first place.  You saw the way he was looking at him, didn’t you, Sam?” He asks, elbowing his brother. Sam lets out a tired sigh, rubbing his eyes.

“If the custody order is granted, I can file an appeal.  Maybe we’ll get a more liberal judge who will rule in our favor.  But the chances are slim in this stat.”

“That’s assuming the worst case scenario, that Benny is approved for custody.  Won’t the custody evaluation prove him unfit?”

“If it’s unbiased,” Sam says.  “But you never know with these things.”

“Well, even if the evaluator is biased, I wouldn’t be so sure to count our chickens before they hatch.  Benny’s clearly on the fritz. He looked like he hasn’t slept in weeks today, and his eyes were all bloodshot.  I couldn't smell it on him, but I’ll bet dollars to donuts he’s been drinking.”

Jimmy frowns, a thoughtful expression on his face.  “Do you think maybe being separated from his child really is hitting him hard?”

Dean scowls at his brother-in-law.  “The only thing that hitting that bastard hard is the fact that he doesn’t have any control over Cas or Hannah.  That was the reason Andrea left him ten years ago, and it’s the reason he hasn’t been able to keep an Omega since.  He’s jealous and he’s mean when he drinks and he’s psycho. Don’t go feelin’ bad for him now, because he is everything about Alphas that you say you hate.”

Jimmy blinks at Dean, surprised by his outburst, and all he can bring himself to do in response is nod.  Sam awkwardly clears his throat, tapping his brother on the shoulder.

“I hate to break up this aggressive little tea party, but can I get a ride back home?  Eileen was expecting me thirty minutes ago.”

“I can drive you,” Jimmy volunteers, swiping his keys from the dish by the door.  He glances back at Dean, reaching out to pat his shoulder. “I think you and Cas need a minute alone, right?”

Dean glances towards the living room doorway, and through a crack in the door he can see his mate lying on the couch with their daughter in his arms.  He nods, smiling thankfully at Jimmy. He steps forward and gives Sam a hug, patting him on the back.

“Thanks for the help today, brother.”

“Don’t mention it, De.  We’ll get this jerk, don’t worry.”

In the living room, Dean sits down on the coffee table beside the couch and watches Castiel handle their daughter, cooing at her and shushing her every time she starts to cry.  She’s probably tired, in need of a nap (like all the rest of them) but if she sleeps now she’ll keep them up screaming all night.

“Jimmy will bite your head off if he sees you sitting on his coffee table,” Castiel finally says, voice strained.  He doesn’t look away from Hannah, pushing some of her longer, wispy strands of her from her face when they fall in front of her eyes.  She’s already got a mostly full head of hair at only 8 weeks, and it’s growing in thick and dark and soft. It’s very dark at the roots, almost black like Castiel’s hair, but near the ends it turns a brownish blonde that Dean recognizes distinctly as the color of Benny’s hair.

“He’s out now.  What he doesn’t know won’t kill him.”

Castiel doesn’t smile or laugh, his frown only growing deeper.  Hannah lets out an agitated whine, and Dean reaches out to lift her off his husband’s chest, cradling her in his own arms and kissing her face.  She calms instantly, and Dean wonders if she was tired at all, or if she was simply feeding off of Castiel’s negative energy.

Dean bounces the baby on his knee, smiling at her when she opens her mouth like she’s going to say something.  He turns, gently lying her down on the cool oak surface of the coffee table, and he tickles her cheek. “Look at this.  I can make a baby smile,” he taps her lips, and she tries to suck his thumb into her mouth. “By tickling her toes,” he grabs her feet, pulling her tiny socks off.  They are ones that Cas picked out, and they have tiny planets and stars printed all over them. He skims his fingertips over the soles of Hannah;s feet and she jerks her legs away from the sensitive touch, shrieking.  “I can make that baby smile,” he taps her lips again, then bends down so he’s close to her face. “By kissing on her nose!” He cries, and peppers her face with kisses, all over her nose and cheeks and lips. Hannah shrieks again, gurgling, and waves her hands around in the air, patting Dean’s face.

When Dean finishes he picks her up again, and turns to see that Cas is watching them with a sad smile on his face.  Dean smiles reassuringly, sitting Hannah up on his lap so that they can both face Cas. He puts his finger on her bottom lip and geins to move it up and down, talking in a high, girlish voice.

_ “Mommy, why do you look so sad?” _ he asks.  Castiel lifts an eyebrow at Dean judgmentally, but he carries on.   _ “Come on and smile, Mommy.  Please, Mommy!” _

“Dean, stop it,” he says, but his tone is fond.  Dean purses his lips, quiet for a moment, and then starts to move Hannah’s mouth with his finger again.

_ “Everything is going to be okay, Mommy.  You’ll see.” _

Castiel smiles again, and it’s less sad this time, but still strained.  “Yeah, I hope you’re right, Hannah,” he says softly. Dean grins, wiggling his finger against her chin to make her lips move as he speaks again in that high, girly baby voice.

_ “Of course I’m right, Mommy!  I’m a talking baby. Ahh!” _

Castiel laughs and he sits up, reaching out to scoop Hannah from Dean’s arms.  He kisses her forehead, then rocks her against his chest. He hopes that Dean is right.  Everything is going to turn out all right…

 

He can’t sleep.

It’s three o’clock in the morning, and Castiel has been staring at the ceiling of his bedroom for the past five hours.  He yawns, jaw cracking, and wipes the crust from the corners of his eyes.

He can’t just lie around in bed like this and do nothing.  Not when the judge’s voice from this morning keeps echoing in his head, ordering for that custody evaluation.  Not when his family is in jeopardy of being torn to pieces in a matter of weeks. 

He sits up, careful not to jostle the bed and wake Dean.  He tiptoes around the side of the bed, carefully, quietly sliding open the drawer on Dean’s bedside table.  Inside is Dean’s father’s gun, and Castiel lifts it up, feeling the heavy weight of the metal weapon in his hand.  He’ll have to take this with him for protection when he leaves, in case Benny or the police decide to come after him.  He sets it gently on top of the night table, and then pulls out their passports from the pile of important papers stowed inside the drawer.

Do babies need passports to travel internationally?  Is that a law?

He walks around the bed and picks up his phone from where its charging on his bedside table.  He wanders out of the bedroom, towards the nursery, and pulls up his text message conversation with his brother.

_ >>Are you awake? _

A response doesn’t come until Castiel has already made it to the nursery, and is carefully removing Hannah from her crib.  She doesn’t cry, thankfully, but she does fuss a little, grumpy that she’s been woken up. Castiel holds her close, pressing her face into his neck, hoping that his scent will comfort her.

_ <<why am i always getting these texts from u winchesters late at night _

_ <<lucky 4 u i have a deadline at 8 am so what is up _

For the first time ever, Castiel blesses his brother’s insomnia.  

_ >>Do infants need passports?? _

With Hannah held against his chest by one hand and his phone in the other, Castiel carries the baby into the living room and then sets her down on the couch.  She squirms, gurgling tiredly, but settles down quickly enough that Cas is pretty sure she’s falling asleep again. Well, that’s just as well. She’ll need her rest or else she’ll be cranky on the plane.

Oh, shit, aren’t babies supposed to go to their doctors before they get on a plane?  He’s pretty sure he read something about infants needing special ear drops so their ears don’t pop when they fly.  Maybe he can get some over the counter if he’s lucky. 

He goes to the living room closet and begins pulling the suitcases down from the top shelf as quietly as he can.  His phone vibrates in his hand and he glances down at it.

_ <<pretty sure they do, yeah. _

_ <<can i ask why? Or do i even want to know _

Castiel unzips the suitcase and flings it open.  This is the largest one they have, and its enough to fit a good amount of his own clothes, plus most of Hannah’s.  It will be enough to keep the clothes on their backs, for at least the amount of time it takes them to get settled where they are going.

_ >>I don’t want to say where I’m going over text because the courts will track it.  But I need to get out of the country with Hannah.  _

_ >>I’m going to need you to wire us money from my bank account when we get there. Max atm withdrawal is 500 per day _

There is no response, but then, Castiel’s isn’t exactly sure what he expected his brother to say.  He doesn’t know what he would say if it were Jimmy texting him all of this. Actually, he does. He would probably call him crazy and try to stop him.  

But Castiel knows he isn’t going crazy.  This is legitimately the only rational decision he can think of after what happened today in court.  He needs to leave with Hannah now, because that is the best thing for his family. Benny can’t get near his daughter if he’s hiding overseas, and Dean won’t need to be burdened by them any longer.

He throws a pile of Hannah’s socks into the suitcase, and contemplates whether he should pack diapers.  Halfway to the pantry he realizes that he can just take Hannah’s diaper bag as a carry on, and the diaper supply in there should hold them over for at least the plane ride.

The living room lights flip on, and Castiel jumps, surprised when he sees Dean standing in the doorway blinking tiredly at him.

“Uh, Cas?” he asks, stepping forward carefully.  Castiel swallows, kicking the suitcase closed with his heel, as if that is going to hide the fact of what he was doing.  Dean frowns. “You going somewhere?”

Castiel chews his hips, looking towards the couch where Hannah is lying.  Dean walks towards her, scooping her up into his arms and cooing at her gently when she starts to cry.  Suddenly, Castiel feels even more helpless than he was before, and he strains himself trying not to burst into tears right then and there.

“Why are you up?” he asks, voice shaky.  Dean scowls.

“Your brother called me in hysterics.  Said you’re trying to flee the country,” he says, eyes narrowed.  “Why was my gun out on the nightstand? What were you thinking, Cas?” he asks.  Castiel gulps.

“I was going to take it with me for pro-protection.  I can’t stay here, Dean!” He cries, and suddenly the floodgates break.  He crumples to the floor, sobbing, his entire body shaking with adrenaline and fear.  Dean frowns, coming closer, and reaches out to cup his husband’s wet cheek.

“Honey, don’t cry.  We’re going to fight this.  Benny can’t take her away from us.”

Castiel whimpers, body jerking as he sobs, and he quickly brings his hands up to cover his face and eyes from Dean’s view.  “It’s not fair,” he says through tears.

“I know it’s not, but Cas…”

“No, Dean, you don’t know,” Castiel cries, ripping his hands away from his face.  His cheeks are red and blotchy, tears glistening on his cheeks and chin. “It’s not fair to you or Hannah.  This is all my fault, and… and now you’re paying for it! And that’s not fair!”

Dean frowns, his jaw tensing.  Hannah squirms in his arms, uncomfortable with the sudden tension in the air and the smell of anger rolling off of both her parents.

“I don’t know what you want me to say here, Cas.  Yeah, it’s your fault that you cheated on me. Is it your fault that Benny’s nutso and started stalking you when he found out you were pregnant?  Not really. Is it your fault that he’s trying to sue us now? No, he’s an adult and he makes his own decisions. Same as I do. And I chose to stay with you, and to fight this fight with you.  And you don’t get to turn around now, almost a _whole_ _year_ later, and decide that it’s unfair for me.  Decide you’re going to _flee the fucking country_ in the middle of the night without even telling me.”

“Dean--”

“No, Cas.  That’s it, the end of the story.  I made my decision and that’s to be with you, and to be with Hannah.  You got it?”

Castiel’s throat bobs, tears welling up in his eyes, but after a long, tense silence he finally nods.  He sniffs hard. “Yeah, I got it.”

Dean sighs in relief, the tension from his body deflating, and he nods.  “Good. Now, you got any other stupid ideas floating around in that head of yours?”

“You know, you aren’t being very constructive.”

“Doesn’t mean I’m not right,” Dean says, sticking his nose in the air.  “I mean, seriously, Cas… You think this has been easy for me?”

“No, I don’t,” Castiel says, frowning.  “And that’s why I’m so upset. I’m your husband, don’t you think I’ve noticed how much stress you’re under?  You barely touch your dinner, you don’t sleep at night, you’re up drinking at four in the morning. In the past month you’ve barely spoken more than two sentences to me at a time.”

Dean grits his teeth.  “Hey, we talk.”

Castiel huffs.  “Yeah, about baby formula and the plotline of this week’s episode of Dr. Sexy.  I mean, all I can think is… You must be sticking around because of-- because of some sense of duty you have to me or the baby, and you don’t really want to be here,” Castiel sniff, rubbing his eyes again.  “And if that’s the case, then I get it. And I don’t want you sticking around with me just because you feel like you have to. Doing that is just going to slowly kill you.”

Dean’s jaw drops, and he sinks to his knees beside his husband, closer to Cas’s face now than he was before.  “You really think that, Cas?” he whispers. Castiel sniffs, giving a little shrug of his shoulders, and he reaches out to cup the side of Dean’s face.  Dean closes his eyes, lips wobbling. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I keep-- keep pulling away. But it’s not because I don’t want to be around you. It’s just all this stress from the custody battle, it’s exhausting and I… I’m constantly worried that something is going to happen to our family.  That he’ll win somehow and I’ll lose you both.” He whispers, pressing his face into Cas’s hand. He takes a deep breath. “I love you and Hannah with all of my heart. Being away from you, ever, is the thing that would kill me. Please don’t ever think that I’d be better off without you, Cas.”

Castiel leans forward, pressing a gentle kiss to Dean’s cheek, body shaking as he pulls his husband into a hug.  “I’m sorry,” he chokes. Dean shushes him, kissing his face, and closes his eyes.

“It’s okay, Cas.  I’m here,” he whispers.  “We’ll go back to therapy, alright?  No more holding back, no more trying to leave the country without telling each other. Got it?”

Castiel snorts, letting out a sad, wet chuckle.  “Yeah, I got it.”

Dean huffs, shaking his head.  “Fuck, man… Where do you even get a crazy idea like that?”

Castiel shrugs.  “I don’t know. I thought of it in the courthouse bathroom.  There’s a… a picture of Venice hanging across from the mirrors.  It kind of inspired me.”

Dean lifts his eyebrows.  “Huh. Maybe they should take that picture down.”

Castiel purses his lips.  “I thought it was a good idea.”

“It’s a crazy idea,” Dean says, shaking his head.  Then, because he wants Castiel to know he’s only teasing him, he pulls him in for a side hug and presses a gentle kiss to his forehead.  “Do you even speak Italian?”

“Pa rlo un po di italiano,” Castiel responds, accent and pronunciation perfect.  Dean guffaws and Hannah stirs in his arms, whining softly at the loud noise, but she quiets down when Dean stops laughing.  He turns his head to the side, pressing a long, hard kiss to Castiel’s lips.

“I love you, Castiel.  Please...” he whispers, dropping his chin to his chest and looking down at his lap, unable to finish his sentence.  Still, Castiel is pretty sure he knows what Dean was going to say, and he presses forward to kiss Dean’s lips back just as hard.

“Don’t worry, Dean.  I love you too. And I’ll never leave you again.”

Dean smiles, rubbing Castiel’s back, and they watch Hannah sleep in Dean’s arms for a good ten minutes before Dean nudges Castiel’s side and says, “Hey, you might want to call your brother and tell him you’re not on a plane to Italy right now, huh?”

Castiel’s eyes widen, and he reaches back into his pocket to quickly grab his phone.  “Good idea.”


	18. Chapter 18

Dean sits beside Hannah’s crib, watching her sleep.  Idly, he strokes a thumb back and forth over her plump, rosy cheek.  Her hair is really starting to grow in now, big thick climbs of brown hair sprouting from her head and curling around her ears.  Her eyes are changing colors, like most babies her age. They aren’t the rich, dark blue of Castiel’s eyes anymore; they’ve lightened up, almost to a baby blue, and all Dean can think is that she looks so much like Benny it’s making him sick.

He never diluted himself into believing that Hannah was his own daughter, but it was easier to ignore when she looked more like Cas than anyone else.  Now, as he stares down at his baby and all he sees is his former best friend’s face, it feels like he’s finding out about the affair all over again. It feels like a giant truck has just crashed into his chest and shattered his heart.

After the whole fleeing-the-country debacle, Dean and Castiel resumed more regular therapy sessions with Missouri.  It was difficult to fit into their busy schedules, with a new baby in the house and Dean’s business still to run, but Jimmy and Sam and Eileen are all more than happy to babysit for them for a few hours once per week.  Dean wiggles his eyebrows at his brother the first time he hands Hannah over to him, smirking and proclaiming this as a “practice run” for when he and Eileen have pups. Sam goes red in the face and tells him to shut up, but if the way Eileen is looking at him with that baby in his arms is any indication, it’s going to happen sooner rather than later.

Cas is out on a grocery run now, and Dean is supposed to be sleeping.  The experts do say that when the baby sleeps that’s when the parents should too, but Dean just can’t bring himself to leave her side.  He’s too troubled by all these thoughts, of Benny and of Cas and of the new life they are trying so hard to build together.

He hears the front door close and knows he should probably get up to help his husband with unpacking the groceries.  He also, kind of, doesn’t want to see his face right now. He’s in a bitter mood. He traces the edge of hannah’s ear with his thumb and strokes his long, calloused fingers through her soft hair.  She fidgets, but doesn’t wake, and Dean pulls his hand away before he disturbs her anymore.

“I didn’t know you were awake.” Castiel appears in the doorway of the nursery, jeans hanging low on his hips and a t-shirt hanging off of his shoulders.  He’s recovered nicely from the pregnancy and birth, and he only has a little bit of pudge on his lower belly to show for it. Dean turns, tilting his neck to the side in a gesture for Cas to come in and sit with him.

“Couldn’t sleep,” he says, and he just barely manages not to flinch when Castiel puts a hand on his shoulder and sits down beside him on the bench.  He peers over the side of the crib, smiling a bright, gummy smile at his daughter.

“How long as she been down?”

“About forty minutes,” Dean says with a sigh.  “She drank her whole bottle, I burped her and then she was out like a light.  Didn’t even have to sing to her.”

Hannah has been a finicky baby, and it’s always hard to get her to fall asleep.  They finally realized, after weeks of troubling over the problem and losing hours worth of sleep for it, that Hannah would settle down if dean sang to her.  He sang all sorts of songs- Metallica, Led Zeppelin, the Beatles- but her favorite by far was Who Are You, by The Who. She’d giggle and gurgle along to the lyrics, and within minutes she would be asleep.  It was a wonderful thing to watch, and a great benefit to both of her sleep-deprived parents.

“Impressive,” Castiel says, “Perhaps we’re turning over a new leaf,” he coos, fingers pinching at the baby’s cute socked feet.  She has on matching bee socks today, making it evident of who dressed her (Cas. It’s always Cas with the bees). Yesterday Dean dressed her, and she was carried around the baby supplies store at the mall all day wearing her “Milk, Naps and Rock and Roll” onesie.  “Of course, it could just be your innate talent for getting her to settle down.”

“Hmm,” Dean smiles a little, but says nothing else.  Castiel frowns, reaching out and rub his back.

“Are you alright?  You’re stinking up the room,” Castiel asks, concerned.  Dean scowls, more angry at himself than anything else, and he shakes his head.

“I’m sorry.  I’ll go take that nap, I’m just overtired-” he says, moving to stand up, but cas grabs his leg and stops him.

“Dean, please,” he whispers, eyes shining.  Dean’s lips wobble a little bit, but he steels his expression and quietly settles back down beside his husband.  He crosses his arms over his chest, guarded.

“She looks just like him,” Dean says darkly.  He shakes his head, tears threatening to fill his eyes, but he squeezes his lashes shut and turns his face away.  “She’s got his hair and his nose and his eyes and I-” he chokes on his next words, hands trembling. He sticks them under his elbows so that they’ll stop.  He takes a deep, shuddery breath. “It’s not like I didn’t know. I love her anyway because she’s yours and she’s my family. But it just hurts to look at her.”

Castiel draws in a sharp breath.  He’s quiet for a few long moments, thinking over what he’s going to say.  He’s glad Dean is opening up to him, but he just doesn’t know what to say to that.  “Does it… Every time you look at her?”

Dean shrugs.  “Just today. I saw it in her face a few times before this, but it hasn’t bothered me like this before.”

“Do you think it’s A-A-S?” Cas asks gently.  Alpha Adjustment Syndrome has been a real fear for them since they brought Hannah home from the hospital almost three months ago.  It was a fairly common ailment suffered by Alphas who brought new babies into their homes that weren’t their own: in cases of adoption or infidelity, for example.  Sometimes it even happened with biological fathers, and the symptoms could last for weeks to months depending on the Alpha. ut the symptoms thankfully never displayed in Dean, and he and Castiel both had checked it off of their long list of things they needed to worry about.

“No,” Dean says, gritting his teeth.  “It’s just... Anger. I’m just angry.”  And with that admission his entire body deflates, tenson leaving his shoulders as he sags against the crib.  Tentatively Castiel reaches out, wrapping his arms around Dean and pressing his face into his shoulder.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers, nothing but sincere, “I wish she was yours.”

Dean huffs a bitter laugh, and he nods his head against the side of the crib.  “Yeah, me too.” He takes one last look at the baby, a soft look in his eyes, and then he pushes away from Castiel’s touch and away from the crib, standing up.  “I think I’m going to take a nap. I’d like to… be alone.”

Castiel nods, lips settling into a grim line.  “Alright, honey. I’ll… come get you when dinner is ready?”

Dean nods, and turns and leaves the room.  With a sigh, Castiel turns back to the crib and looks down at his beautiful daughter, sleeping soundly with her blankets wrapped around her tiny form.

──────⊱◈◈◈⊰──────

“News,” Sam announces, dropping his briefcase onto the corner of dean’s desk and popping it open.  He grins like the cat who got the cream, and for the first time in weeks Dean feels a perk of hope in his chest.  “Good news. Really good.”

“What is it?”

“Benny got arrested for another DUI.  Which means,” Sam pulls out a stack of papers from his briefcase and sets them down in front of Dean.  “We are filing for a motion to dismiss his claim for parental rights. There’s no skating around this one, and no judge is going to grant his claim after this.  It would be a liability to them.”

Dean nods slowly, looking over the documents Sam has put down in front of him.  “Is he alright?”

“He had a few cuts and bruises in his mugshot, but he was standing.”

“Was anyone else hurt?” Dean asks darkly, tossing the papers to the side. He’s been in the car with Benny driving drunk before, and he knows it’s not a good thing.  It’s actually a really, really dangerous thing.

“Just the deer he hit.  It’s why the police found him.  Honestly, he’s lucky he wasn’t more badly hurt.  It was a big buck,” Sam says, and then he frowns when Dean doesn’t reply.  He sits down at one of the chairs in front of his desk, crossing his arms over his chest.  “This is a good thing, you know.”

Dean nods.  “Yeah, Cas will be happy,” he says softly.  Sam looks at his brother quizzically, puzzled by his reaction, but neither of them say anything.  Sam settles down, hands clasped between his thighs, and looks at Dean with scrutiny.

“You okay?”

Dean sighs, scratching the side of his face.  He blinks, and his eyes grow red around the rims.

“I don’t know.  I mean-- yeah, I’m okay.  Happy, with the kid being healthy and safe and all.  But I…,” he licks his lips, shaking his head. “Maybe I’m just tired of this legal battle.  But I keep thinking that… What if I made the wrong choice? What if I wake up in twenty years and realize I wasted my life raising someone else’s kid with a cheating bastard for a husband and nothing but a whole in my heart to show for it?”

“Oh my God,” Sam says, startled by the admission.  Dean drops his gaze to his lap, lips twisting in a frown.

“I know I’m wrong to think that.  I love Cas and that’s why I stayed with him.  I forgave him. I didn’t mean what I just said, but…”

“You’re angry,” Sam guesses.  Dean nods, chewing his bottom lip.

“First I was mad at myself.  I was a bad mate to Cas and he got upset and then benny took advantage of him.  So then I was mad at Benny. And seriously, fuck that guy. I’m still pissed at him, but I also… I feel bad, you know?”

“Uh-huh,” Sam says, slowly.  Dean sighs.

“It’s not his fault that he’s a drunk.  He just takes everything too far; always has.  Andrea didn’t do him any good leaving him like she did.  He needed help and she just abandoned him.”

Sam frowns, but doesn’t say a word.  Dean lets out a heavy sigh.

“I love Hannah with all my heart.  But I don’t even know…,” his throat bobs, and tears swim in his eyes.  “I’m so angry at Cas now that I don’t even know if I love him anymore. At least, not the way I did.” He sighs, a frustrated growl escaping his throat.  “Of course I still care about him, but…”

Sam bites his lip, shifting in his seat.  “Are you… thinking about taking a break?”

“I can’t do that, Sam,” Dean huffs.  “If I leave Cas or the baby, you know Benny will be right there to file another motion for them.  And without an Alpha advocating a claim for him, Cas will lose that battle. I can’t let that happen.”

Sam frowns.  “I don’t get it,” he says, suddenly.  ‘I thought you guys were… were better!  Or at least, getting better. You were going to therapy, communicating, all that stuff.  I talked to Cas last month and he said you guys were finally _happy_ again.”

Dean scowls, looking away.  After a few tense moment of silence he finally lets out an annoyed huff.  “Yeah, well that was before he tried to flee the country.”

Sam’s jaw drops.  “What?”

“Middle of the night,” Dean says, voice cracking, “I wake up because Jimmy’s calling me.  Says that Cas is trying to flee the fucking country. He didn’t get any further than our living room.  But I--,” his jaw clenches. “That fucking hurt, you know? That my mate would just decide to pack up and _escape_ in the middle of the night without even telling me.  Like I’m some kind of thing he wants to get away from.”

Sam’s eyebrows furrow.  “Why would he do that?”

Dean waves his hand in the air.  “He said he didn’t want me to feel obligated to stay with him or some shit.  Said he was scared about Benny getting the baby and the two of them holding me back.  God!” Dean growls, frustrated, and stands up, smacking a cup of pens to the floor. They scatter everywhere, and he stomps his foot and cracks one right in half.  “That’s what fucking hurt the most. That’s what I’m angry about. How could he even think of leaving me, after everything? After I stayed with him, after I tried to be a better mate for him!  How could he just pack his shit and leave like that?”

Sam frowns.  “I didn’t… He didn’t tell me.  When did this all happen?”

Dean shrugs.  “Last week. We saw our therapist but she was just blowing smoke up our asses.  Talking about the ‘origin of our fears’ and all that. She didn’t even _once_ tell cas how fucking _wrong_ he was--!”

Sam purses his lips.  “Well… I don’t think she’s the one who has to say that,” Sam says, slowly.  Dean narrows his eyes and turns to Sam, a questioning look on his face. Sam shrugs.  “It’s just a thought. But maybe you’re supposed to be the one who says that to Cas.”

Dean rubs at his forehead, frowning.  “I… You know what, you’re right,” he says, and the tension from his shoulders deflates.  “I’ve just got to tell Cas how I feel.”

Sam nods, looking smug.  Dean refrains from rolling his eyes, and he stoops down to collect the pens and pencils he tossed about in his anger.

“Are you… going to break up with him?” Sam asks timidly after a few minutes.  Dean looks up at his brother and shrugs. And that’s the end of their conversation, for now.


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is it guys- the final chapter. Stay tuned for the epilogue.

Castiel’s cheek stings, the skin still vibrating and glowing bright red with the harsh palm print of his brother’s hand setting in.  Jimmy dusts his hands off like it’s no big deal that he just slapped his brother, then tucks his hands into his pockets and smiles. Castiel glowers at him from under thick, tear-stained eyelashes.

“Screw you, Jimmy.”

“Aaaand  _ that  _ was for worrying myself and your husband sick over your little Italy stunt last week.”

“That was totally unnecessary,” Castiel says, rubbing at his cheek with the back of his hand and stomping off to the kitchen to warm a bottle for Hannah.  It’s about 4:00pm, the usual time that she wakes up to feed, and he wants to have the bottle ready to go by the time she rouses from her sleep.

“On the contrary, I think it was totally necessary.  How would you like it if I called you up in the middle of the night and told you that I was going to change my name and run away to Jamaica, or some place?” Jimmy scowls, crossing his arms over his chest.  Castiel looks at him with a grimace, then turns and sticks a bottle of stored breast milk into the microwave.

“You know what,” Jimmy says after a stretch of silence, “Forget that.  That was a bad example. Because I’m not you, Cas, and maybe I might have a good reason to flee the country sometime.  But  _ you _ ,” Jimmy’s nostrils flare.  “I don’t think you realize how good you really have it here.  And I’m sick of watching you fuck it up because you’re too scared to face the consequences of what you did.”

Castiel frowns, looking at his brother mournfully.  “Jim, I wasn’t trying to run away from my problems. I was having a panic attack and I--”

“And you were running away from your problems.  Now, you wanna talk about panic attacks? Because that’s something I’ve got plenty of experience with,”  Jimmy snaps, lifting his eyebrows at his brother like he’s daring him to argue anything he says. Castiel remains silent, staring at his feet, and Jimmy’s expression softens.  More gently he says, “Cas, i know you’re stressed. But you have a loving family who is here to support you. You have a mate who respects you and loves you and would do anything for you.  You have a  _ baby _ ,” Jimmy’s voice cracks, and he scrubs at his eyes before they can feel with tears.  He clears his throat and continues. “You don’t have any reason to run away from all of this.  Even if things look tough right now. You haven’t got anything to run from here,” he says, and he swallows.  “Take it from someone who knows.”

Castiel’s lips wobble, and he falls forward into his brother’s arm, whimpering against his neck.  “Jimmy,” he whispers, and his brother clings to him, holding him close. “It just seems like every decision I make it the wrong one.”

“I know,” Jimmy says into his brother’s hair, petting the back of his neck and shoulders.  “But that’s why you’ve got to talk with us. Tell us what’s going on in that dumb head of yours and we can help you.  Instead of fielding phone conversations at 3:00 AM about getting passports and fleeing the country.”

Castiel lets out a wet, pathetic laugh.  “How are you so good about all of this?” He asks, drawing back.  “I feel like every time I talk to you I gain a lifetime’s worth of wisdom.”

Jimmy smiles, but it doesn’t reach his eyes.  “Well, that’s what big brothers are for.”

Castiel’s smile disappears, replaced by a look of agitation.  Jimmy smirks, chuckling, and he reaches out to touch his brother’s cheek.  “I’m sorry I hit you,” he says. Castiel shrugs.

“I had it coming,” he says, and then he goes quiet.  “Hey, um, are you… okay? I know we talked a little about the whole medical marijuana thing but… Have you been sleeping?”

Jimmy winces, shaking his head.  “I’ve been… ugh. I’ve been dreading this talk,” Jimmy says with a labored sigh.  Castiel frowns, opening the microwave and removing the now warm bottle of milk. Hsi brother takes a seat at the kitchen island, slumping down and placing his head in his hands.  “I’ve been having insomnia. I’m going through… early menopause. Because of my hysterectomy,” he says with a shiver. Castiel’s chest contrists and he nearly drops the milk bottle onto the floor.

“Jimmy,” he whispers, voice nearly louder than a mouse’s squeak.  “Oh God, are you alright?”

Jimmy shrugs, offering a valiant smile.  “I’m always alright, Cas. You know me.”

“No, Jimmy.  This is…” he trails off, unable to find words.  Jimmy shrugs, smiling a little at his brother’s effort.

“It’s all fine, really.  It’s been a few months. I told Dean but I swore him to secrecy.” he bites his lips, looking down at his lap when he sees the confused and insulted look on his brother’s face.  “I didn’t want you worrying about me while you were so close to your due date. Fat lot it did to stop you from going into early labor though,” he adds with a snort. Castiel huffs, amused but also still reeling from the idea that his own twin brother is going through menopause.  All of a sudden he’s overwhelmed by a terrible feeling of guilt and sorrow.

“You’re sitting here suffering through menopause at 35,” Cas says, voice breaking.  “And I’m trying to take my baby and flee the country,” he says. Jimmy lifts his eyebrows, but says nothing.  Castiel wipes his eyes, shakes his head and lets out a derisive snort. “This is what I mean. Every decision I make just winds up hurting the people I love.”

Jimmy frowns.  “It’s not all your fault, Cas,” he says softly.  Castiel shakes his head.

“It kind of is.”

“No it’s not,” Jimmy argues, tugging at the hem of his shirt, pulling up the fabric to reveal the jagged scars on his belly.  “This ain’t your fault. This is all my choices, and my evil mate who did this to me.”

Castiel’s eyes swim with tears, and he finds himself unable to look away from his brother’s scarred body.  “No, I could have stopped it. I could have seen that you were in trouble sooner, I--”

“You tried, Cas.  And in the end you were the one who saved me.  Don’t you remember?” Jimmy asks, and he reaches out, grabbing his brother’s hands and pulling him close.  “You are a good man, Castiel. Good people make bad choices sometimes. But you can fix them by making good choices instead.”

Castiel whimpers, afraid.  “But how do I know… how can I be sure what the good choice is?”

Jimmy frowns thoughtfully.  “Well,” he says carefully. “Think about this moment.  What’s happening right now that might mean you’ve got to make a choice?”

Castiel chews his bottom lip between his teeth.  “I don’t…,” he frowns, glancing at the clock on the oven.  It’s almost 4:30. He frowns, because Dean should have been home at least 10 minutes ago.  He says as much.

“Then make a choice about that.  You can ignore it, let him come home when he comes home.  Or you can call him. WHich one do you think is the good choice?”

Castiel bites his nails.  He doesn’t want Dean to be upset that he’s bothering him at work, and if Dean needs space from him… But they have an agreement.  Dean is supposed to be home by 4:20 at the latest on a normal day. If he’s expecting to be late he’s supposed to call, and even then he isn’t supposed to stay at the shop past six.  So either something went wrong, or he’s staying out purposely late without calling to check in. Castiel reaches into his pocket to grab his phone. Jimmy pats him on the cheek.

“Smart boy,” he says.  Castiel glares and bats his hand away.

“Hey honey,” Castiel says when Dean picks up.  “Are you on your way home?”

_ “Shit, it’s 4:00?”  _ Dean asks.  Then, a second of pause.   _ “Damn it, I’m sorry Cas.  i lost track of time. I’ll be home by 5:00, I promise.” _

Castiel bites his lips.  “It’s alright. Can you pick up dinner on the way home?”

_ “Sure,”  _ Dean says.   _ “Greek food sound alright?  I could really go for some gyros.” _

“That’s perfect, Dean,” he says.  Jimmy smiles and gives him a thumbs-up, and Castiel rolls his eyes.

_ “Okay, I’ll see you then.  And, uh, Cas?”  _ A pregnant pause.   _ “When we get home we really need to talk.  If that’s alright.” _

Castiel’s stomach flips.  From the tone of Dean’s voice… this isn't going to be a good talk. He feels nauseous, but he says yes anyway.  Of course he says yes; what else could he say? “I think there’s a lot of stuff we need to talk through. I’ll… um, I’ll see you at 5:00.  Okay?”

_ “Yup.” _

“I love you.”

There’s a stretch of silence, and Castiel wonders if Dean hung up.  But then he hears his husband’s voice, rushed and choked up as he responds,  _ “Yeah, Cas, I love you too,”  _ before he hangs up.  Castiel puts the phone down with a frown, then waves at his brother to get up.

“Come on, you have to go.”

“I can’t stay for dinner?” Jimmy whines.  Castiel rolls his eyes.

“We’re having gyros, and you don’t like Greek food,” he says in monotone.  Jimmy makes a grossed-out face, scrunching his nose and sticking out his tongue.  Castiel can’t help but smile, and he walks his brother to the door. 

“Hey,” Jimmy says as he leans against the door frame, hands stuffed into his pockets lime he’s trying to hard to be casual.  “So, I… have known about this menopause thing for a while now,” he says. Castiel frowns, heart thudding in his chest. What is his brother going to tell him now?  That he has some cardiovascular disease? Ovarian cancer? Endometriosis? “And I’ve been thinking about it for a while, too, but now that all of this stuff is happening with my body and it’s kind of on the forefront of my mind I…,” he licks his lips carefully, and then he smiles.  “I’m gonna adopt a baby, Cas.” He grins, all toothy and gummy and happy. Castiel’s mouth drops open in shock, and he can’t help but laugh with joy.

“Oh my God, Jimmy,” he gasps, and he throws his arms around his brother, pulling him in for a crushing hug.  “That’s amazing.”

Jimmy smiles.  “Yeah. I mean, being a parent is all I ever really wanted, so…,” he trails off, voice cracking, and he presses his face into Castiel’s shoulder.  He’s so happy just thinking about it and finally telling somebody that he’s about to start crying. “And you know, when I was at the hospital and after I always thought… now I’m never going to have that.  But my doctor put me in contact with this agency, and they vetted me and I was approved,” he laughs, tears running down his face. He pulls away from his brother with a huge smile on his lips. “So as soon as next June I’m going to be a dad.”

Castiel beams.  “I’m so happy for you.”  He reaches out and pulls his brother in for another hug.  “I’m so proud of you,” he says. Jimmy sniffs, smiling against his brother’s shoulder.

“Yeah, so am I to be honest,” he says with a laugh.  When he pulls away there are tears in his eyes again, and he dashes them away as quickly as they appear.  “I’ll keep you updated, okay? And you keep me updated too. I wanna see my favorite couple make it through this rough patch together, okay?”

Castiel blushes.  “Dean and I are your favorite couple?”

Jimmy grins, shrugging.  “Yeah, totally. Dean’s my drinking buddy,” he says.  Castiel scoffs and rolls his eyes, but its in a fond way, and he watches his brother all the way to his car before he turns and makes his way back into the house.  He should have gotten hannah up from her nap well over twenty minutes ago, and believe it or not twenty minutes of extra sleep can do a lot to an infant. Now she’s going to be up until midnight or later, and Dean is going to kill him.

He’s nursing the baby in the living room when Dean arrives home, a bag of takeout in one hand and his briefcase in the other. He plops down on the couch opposite of Cas with a heavy sigh, and he doesn’t even say hello or come over to give Castiel or Hannah a kiss on the cheek.  Something dark and horrible-feeling coils in the pit of his stomach, but Castiel smiles through it.

“How was work?”

“Busy,” Dean grunts, sighing.  He runs his fingers back and forth through his hair, an annoying habit he picks up when he’s nervous about something.  “Sam stopped by for lunch. Said Benny was arrested for another DUI.”

Castiel’s jaw drops.  “Is he in prison?” 

“I’m not sure. He hit a buck in the middle of the road and crashed into a ditch.  Sam is filing a motion to dismiss his claim for Hannah first thing tomorrow morning.”

“Oh my God,” Castiel mutters.  He looks up at Dean, swallowing hard.  “Is that… what you wanted to talk about?”

Dean sighs.  “No. Well, partly.  But not…,” he trails off, looking at Castiel’s face curiously.  He narrows his eyes and points at his left cheek. “Did you get hurt?”

Castiel frowns and raises his hand to his cheek that Jimmy slapped, feeling the sting of a newly formed bruise.  He scowls. “Dammit. Jimmy slapped me,” he says, then yanks out his phone with his free hand and begins to tap out an angry message to his brother.  “Freaking douchebag…”

“Okay,” Dean says with a frown.  “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” he mutters, pressing send on a very nasty, explicit text message.  “But Jimmy’s ass is grass the next time I see him.”

Dean lets out a quiet snort, the ghost of a smile appearing on his lips.  “Okay then. But I, uh… I wanted to talk about us. About what happened this weekend.  What we should do going forward.”

Castiel nods, pulling the mostly-drunk bottle from Hannah’s lips and bouncing her against his chest.  She lets out a tiny hiccup, but Cas pays her no mind. 

“I’ve gotta be honest.  I… When you called me I wasn’t really at work.  I was sitting in the Impala thinking about what I was going to say to you when I got here.  But,” he licks his lips, “I’m glad you called. Because I’m not sure I would have come home tonight if you hadn’t.”

Castiel’s heart skips a beat.  He wonders if Jimmy would think he was too crazy if he pulled out his phone and sent him a second message declaring his undying love for his brother.

“You really… insulted me the other night, when you were trying to pack up and run away in the middle of the night.  It was like a punch in the gut. And I realized why I’ve been so angry lately, and it’s not ‘cause Hannah looks like Benny or I’m tired or stressed over the legal battle.  Those were all things that I was ready for. I knew when I signed up to be Hannah’s dad that she wasn’t mine. I knew that being a parent was going to take all of my energy.  I knew that fighting Benny in court was going to be emotionally exhausting,” he chews his lips between his teeth. “But I wasn’t ready to see you trying to escape the country in the middle of the night without even telling me first.  I mean, Cas,” and now his voice breaks, and he leans forward, arms out, pleading. “Do I really mean so little to you?”

“No,” Castiel whispers.  “You mean the world to me,” he says.  His voice trembles, but he steels his jaw and carries on.  “I was trying to run away because I was scared of Benny and I was scared of hurting you.  But I’m done running now, because that’s the thing that keeps hurting you. I ran away from our relationship eleven months ago and I ran away from the truth about Hannah’s paternity and now I tried running away again and I’m… I’m sorry, Dean.”

The Alpha growls.  “Sorry isn’t going to cut it this time.”

“I’m not running anymore,” Castiel says, swallowing down a painful sob.  “Whatever you want me to do I’ll do, I know that much to you. But I swear that not anymore, I won’t run away.  I’m tired of running and I don’t ever want to run from you again.”

Dean licks his lips, tears running tracks down his cheeks.  “Every time we get close you keep pushing me away. It’s like you’re stabbing me in the chest everytime.  And I can’t take anymore knives, Cas, I just can’t.”

“Please come here,” Castiel says, choked up, but Dean shakes his head.  So Castiel stands up and he stumbles over to Dean, falling to his knees in front of the couch where he is, dropping between his knees.  He sobs against Dean’s leg, whimpering. “If you won’t come to me then I’ll come to you. I know I’ve messed up, and I’ve ruined everything, but I won’t give up on you.  I won’t give up on us, Dean. I love you.”

Dean’s lips tremble and he reaches out, touching Castiel’s cheek.  “Sometimes love isn’t enough.”

“Don’t do this,” Castiel cries, heart breaking in his chest.  Dean sniffs, closing his eyes, and he leans forward and drops his weight down on Cas’s shoulder, his head resting there between his knees.

“I need to know the pain is going to end.”

“It’s over, Dean, it’s over,” he cries, body trembling.  Dean whines pitifully, falling to his own knees in front of Castiel.  He wraps his arms around his mate and he sobs, heart wrenching cries of agony and desperation that are punched out of his chest.  Each one makes castiel’s skin crawl, his heart pound painfully in his ears. He reaches up and cards his fingers through Dean’s hair, kissing his shoulder, neck, jaw-- anywhere he can reach.

“Promise me,” Dean whispers.  Castiel turns his face, forehead knocking against Dean’s.  He nods, eyes clenched shut. 

“I swear it, Dean,” he answers.  “I’m yours, and I am here to stay.”

Dean nods.  "Okay, Cas," he says, and there are a hundred different emotions swimming in his eyes, but the one that sticks out the most to Cas is his determiantion.  If Dean says Okay, then that means everything is going to be Okay.  "Okay."


	20. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's finally here!!! It's finally finished and I am so proud!!!!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo yo yo thank you all so much for following this story. It has been a pleasure to write for all of you.
> 
> Honestly, when I came up with the idea I was so hype for it. And then... I was stupid enough to put a poll on my blog asking if my followers through I should write it (at which point, I was so excited, I had already started writing and finished the first chapter)... but the anonymous hate I got in response was so disheartening. For the first time ever, I scrapped a writing idea in response to anon hate. It had been a rough few months between college decisions ( I was still in HS then), dealing with my parents... and I'd recently dealt with a seperate bout of anon hate (who knew that running a porn blog would make people so f-ing angry???) and I just didn't have the energy to write something if all it was going to get me was ridicule.
> 
> And then you guys turn around, and you give me... ALL of this LOVE. From just one chapter, between comments here and messages on tumblr I received almost 15 comments pretty much begging me to continue. And this has become one of my favorite stories as a result. It was crazy to write, I'm sure even crazier to read... and I drove my best friend crazy talking about it. I think he is going to be the only one happy to see it end. (He's a little freaked out by mpreg, if you know what I mean).
> 
> Anyway, all I'm trying to say is thank you. Thank you for reading, thank you for commenting, and thank you for showing me the support I needed to get back in here and write this fic. Thank you for making me want to tell this story again. It was a story that needed to be told, and I did it just for you.

**3 years later**

“You hafta make it go around,” Hannah says matter-of factly, crawling onto Dean’s lap and taking hold of his jaw with her small, grubby fingers.  Dean lifts his eyebrows at her and purses his lips for her; she reaches out with her left hand and jabs him in the mouth with a stick of bright pink lipstick.

“Like this?” he asks, making a display of smacking his lips together and smearing the lipstick all over his mouth.  He barely resists scrunching his nose in disgust when he accidentally swallows some of the makeup and gets a taste of the sour chemicals.  Do women really wear this shit every day?

“Wrong,” she huffs in exasperation, and takes his chin into her palms and tries to move his lips for him.  It works for all of about two seconds, and then her socked feet slip off of his legs and she topples into his chest with a quiet  _umph_.  Dean scoops her up and grabs the lipstick tube from her hands, which is now flattened and smeared all over the front of his sweatshirt.

“Now we got to do the blush,” Hannah announces, unfazed by her slip, and hops off of Dean’s lap to go fetch the blush from her makeup toolkit.  Dean watches her fondly, but wonders when Castiel will be home from work to save him from their daughter nonetheless. She’s been on a makeup/makeover kick nonstop for the past two weeks, and every day when Dean picks her up from daycare after work he’s had to endure a makeover at her creative, disastrous hands.  His skin is starting to break out from all of the cosmetic bombardment he’s experienced in the last several days.

He’s hoping his daughter's new obsession will be fleeting, and soon he’ll take up a more manageable hobby like knitting… or reading quietly.

Dear God, he’s turning into a grumpy old man.

He smiles at Hannah when she returns, bouncing over to him and jumping onto the couch.  Some powder blush spills over the edge of its container and onto the couch, and Dean does not want to have to clean makeup stains off of the cushions again, so he offers to hold the container while his daughter applies the makeup to his face.  Hannah nods enthusiastically, always willing for audience participation in her shenanigans, and begins to liberally apply the blush of Dean’s cheeks. He’s pretty sure he looks like a rodeo clown at this point, but it’s okay. If it makes his daughter so happy, he’d wear makeup every day.

“Are you going to be a makeup artist when you grow up, Han Han?” Dean asks, reaching out to push a lock of light brown hair from her face.  She bats his hand away, too focused on giving Dean a makeover to afford the distraction of his hands in her hair.

“No.”

“No?  What are you going to be, then?” he asks.  Hannah grins.

“I’mma be a car doctor,” she announces proudly, dropping her brush back into the canister of blush with a dusty splash, then prying the container from Dean’s hands so she can put it back into her makeup box.  She returns with a bottle of hand lotion, which she promptly begins to smear on Dean’s neck and cheeks, much to his dismay. “Just like you do,” she says. Dean laughs.

“You wanna be a mechanic like your old man?”

“You’re not old, Papa,” Hannah insists, brows furrowed, and she pumps enough lotion into the palm of her hand to rehydrate the desert.  He snatches the bottle from her before she can empty the entire thing into her palm, setting it down out of reach on the coffee table. Hannah giggles and smacks her hands together, then lifts the sticky mess to her lips to give an experimental taste.  Dean barely restrains himself from cursing, and he reaches out to crab his daughter’s wrists. She shrieks with laughter when he hauls her up off the couch and carries her towards the bathroom.

“Alright, silly head, I think it’s bath time.”

“Where’s daddy?” Hannah whines.  She has this thing about Cas being around during her bath time.  It’s because he gives funny voices to all of her bath toys, and Hannah thinks its the best thing since sliced bread.

“Daddy’s on his way home now, but he had to go to the doctor first,” Dean says, setting Hannah down in the middle of the tub, fully clothed.  She begins to work on pulling her t-shirt off as Dean collects her bath toys and “tears free” Curious George shampoo from their home underneath the sink cabinet.  She promptly tangles herself in her shirt and begins to loudly whine, until Dean rushes over and helps her out of her clothing. He piles it all up in the hamper and runs the faucet.

“Is that a good temperature?  You like that?” Dean asks, guiding Hannah’s hand under the faucet to test the water temperature.  She giggles when the water touches her fingers, and nods.

“Hot,” she says.  Dean nods.

“Right.  But not too hot, right?  Do you want it to be colder?”

“No,” Hannah answers, and reaches for the Curious George shampoo.  Dean lets her take it, because the cap is closed and it’s child proof, so she won’t be able to get it open and drink it while he’s not looking.

“You can have two toys, baby.  Who do you want to join you for bath time, today?”

“Bee!  Bee!” she shouts.  Dean picks up the striped bumblebee rubber duck and hands it to his daughter.  She smiles and splashes the toy around in the water, making enthusiastic  _bzz bzz_ ing noises as she does so.  “And Rexxy,” she says, and reaches greedily for the dinosaur ducky Dean offers to her.  “And the truck!” she shouts. Dean purses his lips.

“I said only two,” he says, but reaches for the inflatable red truck nonetheless.  “But since it’s a car, I’ll let you have one more.”

Hannah giggles and claps her wet hands together, scooting closer to the edge so she can take the truck toy from her father.  “Give me the octopus!” she says. Dean tuts, shaking his head and wiggling his finger at her.

“Now, now, you already have three toys.  If you take out too many you won’t be able to give them all your attention, and then you’ll hurt their feelings,” he says.  Hannah pouts.

“No!” she says, and clutches her red truck to her chest.  Dean nods.

“Unfortunately, yes.  Now lean back so we can get your hair wet,” he says.  Hannah pouts but does as her father tells her, and together they wash her hair until she’s squeaky clean.

──────⊱◈◈◈⊰──────

“Somebody got into the makeup while I was gone.”  It’s the first thing that Castiel says when he walks through the door, smirking at Dean knowingly as he leans in for a kiss.  Dean’s cheeks turn red (as if they could get  _any redder_ , under all that blush) and Hannah giggles against his hip and reaches her arms out for Castiel; he bends down and kisses her on the lips, his belly too big now for him to pick her up.  “Did Papa let you do his makeup for him?”

She nods enthusiastically and points to his face.  “He’s pretty now!”

Castiel laughs, standing up straight again.  “Well, I think he was pretty before,” he says to his daughter, then lifts his eyebrows at his husband.  “Are you going to go to Jimmy’s like that? I left the car running, but I can go turn it off if you need to shower first…”

“Nah, I just forgot to wash it off,” Dean says, waving Castiel’s suggestion off.  He heads into the kitchen to rinse his face. “Anyway, how was the doctor’s appointment?”

“All is well,” Castiel says and rubs his big, heavy belly.  Hannah reaches out and touches him there, gently patting the swell of her father’s stomach.

“Daddy you got more big,” she says.  Castiel nods.

“That’s right.  I think I’m even bigger now than I was when you were growing inside of me,” he says.  Hannah’s eyes widen, and Castiel grins at her. “Hey Hannah, what do you think we should name your brothers?”

Hannah frowns thoughtfully.  “You should name them Hei Hei,” she finally says.  Dean walks back into the room with a clean face and a skeptical look on his face, but Castiel simply smiles at their daughter.

“Like the Rooster in Maoana?” he asks seriously.  Hannah nods excitedly.

“Yeah!”

“We’ll take it under consideration,” he says, and reaches for his daughter's hand.  She takes it happily, and Dean chuckles in Castiel’s ear as he follows them out of the house.

“If you get to name our son Hei Hei, I get to name the other Thor,” he says.  Castiel rolls his eyes and levels his husband with a tolerant look.

“I think that if we named one Thor, we’d have an obligation to name the other Loki, and I am not looking for that kind of trouble in my life,” Castiel says very seriously.  Dean laughs wholeheartedly, plucking the keys from his husband and going to sit in the driver’s seat while Castiel gets Hannah strapped into the her safety seat. Then he waddled over to the front passenger seat and settles in, rubbing his hands back and forth over his distended belly.  Dean smiles and reaches over, giving the swell of his belly a little cursory rub before he pulls out of their driveway and heads down the road.

“So everything was fine, then?” Dean continues quietly, turning on the music in the back so their daughter won’t hear their conversation.  As it is, she’s carrying on quite out of tune to Idina Menzel’s  _Let It Go_ , so they should be fine.  

“Yes,” Castiel says, cupping his belly and looking down at the swell.  “The doctor said they are both growing at a good rate. They both have strong hearts, and their lungs are just beginning to develop,” she says with a smile.  “And he checked my cervix and said everything looks strong for now. But after what happened with Hannah, the risk for PPROM is still pretty high. I don’t want to get overconfident and then have it blindside us later…”

“Hey baby, it’s all good news for now.  We’ve got to look at the positives,” he says, and reaches out to grab Castiel’s hand where it’s resting on the console.  He gives his fingers a tight squeeze. “We’re  _pregnant_ , Cas.  With twins.  They could be born with 20 fingers each and I’d be happy.”

Castiel’s expression becomes unsettled at the mention of extra limbs.  “Um… How about we just hope for an on-time delivery instead?” he asks. Dean chuckles and brings Castiel’s hand to his lips.

“I’m just saying that it’s a miracle for us to even be at this point,” he says, the meaning of his words sitting heavy in the pit of Castiel’s stomach.  It had indeed taken them both a long time to get to the point where their relationship was stable and happy enough to enough consider trying for kid’s again.  It took years, in fact, and regular therapy that they still occasionally attend, if things grow uneasy.

When they decided they really did want more kids, it had been a difficult choice to make.  Castiel was fearful, after Dean’s struggle with accepting Hannah’s paternity after she was born, that he would show more affection towards his biological children than towards Hannah.  He didn’t want to deprive Dean of his own children, but he also was scared for his daughter's sake. After a few intense therapy sessions and a lot of discussion amongst themselves, they decided to go ahead with their plans.  Dean already loved Hannah like his own, and having more babies in the house wasn’t going to change that at all. Quite the opposite; Dean was excited to teach Hannah about the wonders of being an older sibling for her new brother or sister.  In his opinion, expanding their family would bring them all closer together, and Castiel couldn’t help but optimistically agree.

Trying to get pregnant had been a whole… other obstacle, to get over.  Jimmy was always willing to babysit for them, and Hannah loved spending time with her new baby cousin Jack.  Sam and Eileen were also eager to watch Hannah for them on date nights. It wasn’t getting alone time that was the problem… it was getting Castiel pregnant that seemed to be Dean’s dilemma.  After his “failed” performance the last time they attempted, Dean was nervous going in to the whole process that he wouldn’t be able to get the job done. And, nearly six months of trying to conceive later, Dean was convinced that there had to be something wrong with him.  So, with much reluctance, he finally let Cas drag them both to a fertility doctor. The results were less than settling.

“You’re fertile,” the doctor had announced, settling into his seat behind his desk and brandishing a file full of test results at the couple.  “But your motility is the problem. There are a few solutions we can explore, the first being artificial insemination. That’s when we take your sperm, we wash it and then inject it directly into your mate’s uterus for fertilization.  If that doesn’t work, then we can look into Invetro Fertilization. But I have a high confidence in you two…”

The doctor’s confidence had not been wasted on them.  Three weeks after the AI Procedure, Castiel threw up his entire lunch in the bathroom at work and he just immediately  _knew_.  A doctor’s appointment that weekend confirmed what he’d already suspected: he was pregnant.  And then, another three weeks later, they found out that the doctor’s confidence had been more than well placed; it was practically psychic.  They were expecting twins.

“And you’ve been religious with your vitamins and healthy eating, and your stress is  _way_ lower than it was when you were pregnant with Hannah,” Dean tacks on, breaking Cas out of his reverie.  He nods in agreement.

“Yes, you’re right.  I just get so nervous sometimes,” he says with a sigh, squeezing Dean’s hand.  “Hannah’s pregnancy was hard. I don’t want these boys to be premature like she was,” he says.  He bites his lips. “You know, the school wants to test her. They say she might be dyslexic…”

“Hey, you don’t know if that’s because she was born premature.  Dyslexia is genetic sometimes. And besides,” Dean shrugs. “I’m a little dyslexic.  Maybe she got it from me,” he says with a sportish grin. Castiel scoffs and elbows Dean in the shoulder.

“You’re not funny,” he says, but he’s smiling like he’s amused.  “I’m being serious.”

“So am I.  Now stop worrying. You’re fine, Hannah is fine, the baby’s are going to be fine,” he says.  Castiel sighs and nods, looking up as they pull into his brother’s driveway. In the front yard there are children’s toys scattered all over, like a toddler tornado went off during the day.  He smiles fondly. His nephew Jack can be a bit of a menace when it comes to toys. It’s probably because Jimmy is just as much of a menace when it comes to toys. And basically everything else in his life.

“Looks like a toy bomb went off,” Dean grunts as he turns off the car ignition.  Hannah continues to sing along to the  _How Far I’ll Go_ track from her favorite movie, Moana, even without the music.  “Hey, baby, are you going to play nice with your cousin Jack tonight?”

“Yes!” she says, bouncing in her child seat, scrambling to try and unbuckle herself.  It troubles Dean that she is able to succeed with such little effort; those buckles are supposed to be child proof.  She flings herself into the front seat and climbs onto Castiel’s lap. “I’m ready to go!”

“I know, sweetheart.  But you always have to wait until Papa or I unbuckle you from your seat, okay?  Otherwise you might get hurt.”

Hannah pouts, and she looks just like Dean for a moment.  Castiel lifts his eyebrows at her. So he’s been teaching her the evil ways of cuteness, then.  “I wanna see Jack,” she whines. Castiel nods, and a moment later Dean snatches her up off of Castiel’s lap so that he can get out of the car safely.  His belly is simply too big these days for him to be able to hold Hannah comfortable, or even safely, much to his disdain.

“Remember, you have to play gently with your cousin Jack.”  Castiel hears Dean gently lecturing their daughter as he carries her towards the house.  “He’s only two years old. Do you remember he got hurt last time because you were rough housing?” he asks.  Hannah nods, pressing her face into Dean’s shoulder.

“I said I’m sorry,” Hannah says.  Dean nods and kisses her forehead.

“I know, baby.  Let’s just be extra careful tonight so it doesn’t happen again.”

Castiel rings the doorbell, then places his hand on Dean’s lower back and rubs back and forth.  Dean is such a good caretaker. Castiel is sure he would not have half the patience that Dean does with their daughter sometimes.

“Woah, is that who I think it is?” Jimmy shouts as he opens the door, making a crazy face at Hannah as soon as he opens the door.  Baby Jack toddles behind him, stumbling a little when he reaches the doorway, and he leans his hands against Jimmy’s legs as he looks up at the people standing in the doorway.  Jack can be shy sometimes, but not today; his mouth falls open in a happy shriek when he sees Dean, Cas and his cousin Hannah. His binky falls from his mouth and onto the front porch.  Dean sets Hannah down and lets the two toddlers chase each other down the hallway as Castiel bends down to collect Jack’s now dirty binky.

“Hey, you shouldn’t be bending,” Jimmy chastises, quickly swooping in to take the binky from his brother.  He pulls him into a tight hug and leads him and Dean both into the house. “Geez, you’re getting fat,” he whistled lowly and Castiel glares goodnaturedly at his brother.  “How are my nephews doing?”

“Everything’s great.  They are very active,” Castiel says, rubbing his belly as he feels one of the twins do a somersault right over his bladder.  As uncomfortable as it can be sometimes, Castiel finds it comforting to know that the babies are alive inside him and moving around.  “We are still O for zero in the name department, though,” Castiel says as he eases into a seat on the couch. Dean settles down on the armrest beside him, arms crossed over his chest.

“Cas won’t let me name them Thor and Loki.”

“Bro, why not?” Jimmy gawks.  They hear some shrieking down the hallway, and then Hannah and Jack come bustling into the living room with a huge container full of Lincoln Logs balanced in their arms between the two of them.  They set it down on the rug beside the coffee table, and as Hannah plucks a few logs from the top Jack proceeds to tip the entire bucket over with a delighted shriek and a clap of his hands. Jimmy scowls, unable to hide the exhausted look from his face, and Dean reaches out to slap him on the back.

“Kid driving you crazy?” he asks lightheartedly.  Jimmy huffs.

“You have  _no idea_ ,” he says.  Dean chuckles.

“Dude, for the past two weeks Hannah has practically tied me to the couch and forcibly applied makeup to my face.  Believe me, I know what you’re talking about.”

Jimmy snorts.  “I’d pay to see that,” he chuckles.  Castiel digs his phone out of his pocket.  

“I think I have some photos,” he says.  Dean glares at him, and Jimmy laughs. He turns his gaze back to Jack, watching as the boy begins to stack logs with concentration.  Hannah interrupts Jack’s building frequently to make suggestions, but he simply carries on doing his own thing.

“I love him so much.  I don’t regret my decision to adopt him at all,” Jimmy says.  Jimmy took Jack into his home a little more than a year ago, when he got a call from his adoption agency that there was a little boy available in New Mexico if he was willing to fly out and pick him up. After Jack’s mother was murdered by his father, and the neighbors called the cops, Jack was removed from the home just before his father had the chance to kill him as well.  Now his father is behind bars for life, and Jack has been in foster care with Jimmy for 16 months. Just 28 days ago, the adoption paperwork was finally finalized. Jimmy threw a huge party with all of their friends and family invited to celebrate the occasion. And though the night did end with Jack taking a nasty fall and receiving a bloody nose (courtesy of Hannah’s clutzing around and rough big-kid horseplay) it had been a wonderful night.  They were finally officially a family, and Jimmy couldn’t say he’d ever been happier.

“But something's gotta give, you know?  He’s such a handful sometimes… We’ve eaten takeout for dinner every night this week because I’ve been too exhausted to make real food.  If you can’t tell,” he says, and he pats his midsection, where a small “dad gut” is starting to form. Dean doesn’t say it, but he thinks he prefers chubby-Jimmy to the skin-and-bones-Jimmy he used to be when he was still in the early days of his recovery from the Omega Hospital.  

“He’s still nonverbal.  And sometimes stuff just sets him off if it reminds him of his trauma, and he starts crying and I can’t get him to stop.  I’ve got a list on the fridge of all the songs and smells he can’t be around without it causing a fit. And he pees the bed or wakes up crying at least one night a week and comes and sleeps with me.  Which… like… I actually don’t mind because it helps with my own nightmares sometimes. But he’s growing up and he can’t keep climbing into bed with me forever,” Jimmy says with a sigh, and he slumps over.  “I’m worried about him. I don’t know if I have what it takes to give him everything he needs.”

Dean frowns thoughtfully, and Castiel reaches over to squeeze his brother’s knee.  “Brother, it is normal for a parent to worry about their child. Jack comes from a troubled past, and he’s a very special child.   And if you ever need help, we can watch him for a night,” he pauses at his brother’s grimace. He hadn’t thought of the fact that Jack probably didn’t like having new environments sprung on him.  “Or we can have you over for dinner once or twice a week. Anything to take the load off. But if there is anybody equipped to deal with Jack’s PTSD and give him everything that he needs, it is you.”

Jimmy huffs and nods, a small smile gracing his lips.  “I hadn’t thought of it that way,” he murmurs. Castiel smiles and leans back, grunting when he feels one of the babies kick him in the kidney.  Dean glances at him, then looks back to Jimmy and pats him on the shoulder.

“Dude, you told me this when I was worried about being a good father to Hannah.  The fact that you’re worried makes you a good dad already. Have you looked into therapeutic preschool for him?  They might be able to help with the speech development, and they’d probably be way more willing to work with his PTSD than a regular preschool.”

Jimmy hums.  “I was starting to look into his options.  There’s one school in Wichita that looked pretty appealing.  I know it’s far… But if I have to move temporarily to get him the education he needs it might be worth it.”

Castiel frowns, not liking the idea of his brother moving, but also understanding how important early childhood education is, especially for a special needs preschooler.  “You wouldn’t want to sell yourself. You could make a fortune renting it, and then when you’re ready to move back in it will still be here.”

“Dahh,” Jack springs up, a tiny Lincoln Log structure balanced in his arms, and he bounces over to Jimmy and deposits it on his lap.  Jimmy smiles widely and coos over his son’s creation, telling him how wonderful it looks and asking him who lives in his building. Jack points to Jimmy, then to himself.  

“Is this our house?” he asks.  The little structure looks absolutely nothing like their home, even from the outside, but Jimmy is impressed with it nonetheless.  Jack nods, then bounces on his heels and reaches with tiny fingers for Jimmy’s head. He pulls his face close and plants a big, wet kiss on his father’s cheek.  Then he looks at Jimmy, pats his own chest very seriously right over his heart, and runs back to the pile of Lincoln Logs that are amassed on the rug. Jimmy watches his son with a fond smile and wet eyes, and he gently places the Lincoln Log structure on the coffee table where it will be safe.

“That was adorable,” Dean whispers after a few seconds, breaking the silence.  Jimmy huffs and elbows Dean in the side, dashing the tears from his eyes.

“Shut up and watch them for a minute, would you?  I’m gonna get us some beer and order pizza.”

“Get one with mushrooms!” Castiel calls as his brother leaves the room.  Jimmy mimics gagging and Castiel rolls his eyes, reaching out for Dean’s hand and giving it a gentle squeeze.  Dean leans into him and rests his head on Castiel’s shoulder, sighing pleasantly and closing his eyes.

“Hey baby?” he asks.  Castiel gives his fingers a squeeze.

“Hmm?”

“I think we’ve done okay,” he says.  Castiel smiles and rubs his hands over his belly, turning his head so he can plant a chaste kiss to Dean’s cheek.

“Well, I think we still have a long way to go.  But so far… Yeah, I’d say we’ve done pretty damn good.”

Dean smiles.  “I love you.”

Castiel chuckles and leans in to kiss Dean’s lips, cupping his cheek gently as he does so.  “I know,” he says as they pull away, a sparkle in his eyes. “I love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please COMMENT and SHARE!

**Author's Note:**

> Please comment below! I know this fic is super angsty-- I would love to see what you're thinking and what you would like to see in the future!


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